# Ever gotten caught masturbating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 29, 2003, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213 "2003-05-29T06:19:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Cliffy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cliffy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cliffy)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/41 "2003-06-05T18:53:01Z")
I’ve never been caught, fortunately, but this friend-of-a-friend story is too good not to share: [hijack] Freshman year at college, Bob’s roommate is a guy named Dave. They get along well enough, although Dave is kind of quiet. One day, Bob skips his afternoon class and so ends up back at the room an hour earlier than usual. He walks in to see Dave, standing on Bob’s bed, masturbating. Dave, instead of screeching and hiding under the bed as one might expect, casually looks over and, without stopping, says: “Oh, hey. Your mom called.” [/hijack] True story – that is, if my friend who didn’t get along with Dave wasn’t making it up. But knowing Dave, it’s possible. –Cliffy ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/42 "2003-06-05T19:47:24Z")
> [@](#): > > This coming from a guy named Jpeg Jones? It’s probably a matter of looking, but not touching 😉 In regards to the OP: Yes, I have been caught and it was embarrassing, even though nobody said a word about it. ---
**Author:** ![UnwrittenNocturne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/6de8d8/32.png) [@UnwrittenNocturne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UnwrittenNocturne)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2003, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/43 "2003-06-05T20:10:44Z")
Once, by a friend who was visiting, I was in the lounge, she came around back (normally considered a private spot) and looked through the window (she usually came to the back door rather than the front) Being the open sort, she then asked to watch - which I being something of an exhibitionist. All good fun ---
**Author:** ![Quonk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/ed655f/32.png) [@Quonk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quonk)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/44 "2003-06-06T01:35:11Z")
I had just moved into a new house. The lock on my bedroom door worked fine, but… it was an old house, and the door didn’t quite close all the way. I was at my computer, semi-facing the door. My mom knocked, the door flew open, I frantically covered myself with my t-shirt, and she looked flustered, apologized and left. Then, three minutes later, she came back and cheerfully asked if I would help her with some yard work. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/45 "2003-06-06T02:32:48Z")
Don’t think I’ve ever been caught, but my parents may just have been very discreet. In college, I kind of caught my freshman roommate at it, though I didn’t say anything and he didn’t see me. We had a bunk bed and around 6am I’d hear a slight squeaking sound and the bed would start rocking back and forth. Since Boston isn’t exactly earthquake-prone, it wasn’t too hard to figure out what was going on. After that year, I insisted, on beds in separate rooms). Incidentally, as I was typing this, the whole building started swaying back and forth. Someone must be really getting in on! ---
**Author:** ![Omorka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Omorka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omorka)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/46 "2003-06-06T06:21:42Z")
I was never caught by my parents, but (embarrassed look) I didn’t figure out how to masturbate to orgasm until I went off to college, so that’s hardly surprising, I suppose. The Spouse has walked in on me on several occasions, but that hardly counts, does it? ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 10:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/47 "2003-06-06T10:16:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lady of the Lake \* > \*\*That’s why you have a glass of wine, put on a nice robe and get out your ‘soft candles’ 😃 \*\* So you take yourself on a nice date before you put out for yourself? That’s really sweet, I like it! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dunderman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecb155/32.png) [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 10:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/48 "2003-06-06T10:23:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\*She rounded up my father and directed him to sit down with me and instruct me in the Facts of Life. > > He began to explain things to me, but apparently not to the satisfaction of my mother, who was listening in from around a corner, and who then marched in and told my father that he had it all wrong.\*\* What exactly were these Facts of Life? What were they discussing? Morals? Not technique, I hope… ---
**Author:** ![Biba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/85f322/32.png) [@Biba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biba)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/49 "2003-06-06T11:46:14Z")
The only time I’ve been fired from a job, was when I was 21 and helping at a friend’s recruitment company. To cut a long story short, his business partner and I were the only ones at work that day, I went to lunch but it was raining hard, I had no money to go to the pub for lunch. So, I grabbed a sandwich and ran back to the office. Our rooms had a wall dividing them, with a window in the middle and his desk was in front of the window, with his chair backed up to it. I leant through the window to let him know I was back, saw a girlie magazine spread out on his desk. Hands nowhere to be seen! I backed out, not having seen a thing, but realised what was going on. I have never seen anyone run that fast, and it must have been uncomfortable! Four hours later, and after I had cancelled many interviews, he finally rang, and said he was too embarrassed to see me again, and could I leave immediately. It took weeks to stop laughing about it. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/50 "2003-06-06T13:48:51Z")
Never been caught, but I think my left hand is getting suspicious of righty… ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/51 "2003-06-06T14:49:14Z")
Caught once, when I was young and still living with my parents. I forgot to lock the bathroom door, so there I was lying on the floor when my sister walked in. She quickly went back out, and said “You’re blowing it!” as she left. I thought, “No, I’m nowhere near flexible enough for that.” ---
**Author:** ![Indygrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/58f4c7/32.png) [@Indygrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indygrrl)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/52 "2003-06-06T15:29:13Z")
I think my friend masturbates with my shower head when she comes over to get her hair done. There’s no real way to tell her to stop, so I just ignore it. The main sign is that the shower head is always adjusted to a different pulse than I use. Ick. ---
**Author:** ![roadrunner70](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19b73/32.png) [@roadrunner70](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/roadrunner70)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/53 "2003-06-06T15:45:42Z")
Does the dog count? I mean being _caught_ by the dog, not…nevermind. ---
**Author:** ![Hugh\_Jass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4da419/32.png) [@Hugh\_Jass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hugh_Jass)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/54 "2003-06-06T16:13:20Z")
Never been caught, but I seem to be the catcher. 1. Freshman year of college. Roomate comes back from class as I am leaving. Halfway down the stairs I realize I have forgotten a pen. I go back to the room. Open the door. And he’s standing in the middle of the room, pants around his ankles, with a pillow wrapped around his johnson, and he’s thrusting away. He sort of collapses when he sees me, and sits back down on his bed, pants around his ankles, pillow over his crotch. “I was putting on a pair of shorts,” he says. “I, uh, forgot my pen,” I say, and grab one and leave. We never speak of this again. 2. Junior year of college, same roommate. Class is canceled so I head back to the dorm. I open the door and he is lying on his bed reading a porno novel and stroking Mr. Happy. I was so stunned, I yelped and lept back. This gave him time to pull his pants up. He said he was taking a nap. Again, we never spoke of this. 3. I had moved to Colorado and was sleeping on a friend’s couch. I woke up and stumbled to his bedroom door to see if he was awake, to see if he wanted to go to Denny’s for breakfast. I was still groggy. He was lying in bed yanking the ol’ crank. I just stared, not really comprehending what I was seeing. He looks up, yelps, and covers himself. I just turn and head for the shower. We never speak of this. ---
**Author:** ![dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dorkusmalorkusmafia/32/7266_2.png) [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/55 "2003-06-06T16:43:49Z")
My best friend in college was caught jacking off in the bathroom at his local high school. He told me the story as if someone else was spreading rumors about him. I asked him if it were true and he said it was. 😃 I was caught several times by ex boyfriends; however, when they catch me it just leads to more fun! My older sister used to try to catch me but when she thought she was catching me I was never doing anything. ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/56 "2003-06-06T20:03:07Z")
I was almost, sorta, could have been caught by my mom. When she was “Cleaning”\* she found something under my bed that doesnt belong under my bed, it usually belonged on the bathroom counter, (Oh you know what I’m talking about) and I had to do some pretty fast lying to explain its presence. - To my mom Cleaning is a code word for , turn Flowerchilds room upside down until I find someting suspicious. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/57 "2003-06-06T20:08:14Z")
What did she find? A toothbrush? ---
**Author:** ![CrazyMonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ee59a6/32.png) [@CrazyMonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyMonkey)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/58 "2003-06-06T20:11:56Z")
Only caught by the dog. However, when the dog wanders into the room and just sits there looking at you like “What the hell?”, it is _impossible_ to finish. ☹ Best getting caught story I know: 2 friends of mine at college had a deck in their dorm room, with mattresses on the floor underneath and a whole living room set up on top. Room mate #1’s mother comes to visit, and brings along some family photos of #1’s cousins and such. After some conversation, room mate #2 heads under the deck w/ a text book to lay on the bed and study. A short while later, #1’s mom decides it’s time to go to dinner, and decides they should invite #2 to come along. She looks under the deck to invite #2, and there he is, family photos in hand, twistin’ the twig. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Flowerchild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/858c86/32.png) [@Flowerchild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flowerchild)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213/59 "2003-06-06T21:59:48Z")
Yes incubus, (With batteries) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-gotten-caught-masturbating/178213.md?page=2)