# Ever had a partner that says they're ugly? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2014, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997 "2014-05-22T09:26:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/21 "2014-05-22T18:13:27Z")
Why do I open his threads? ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/22 "2014-05-22T19:35:27Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Why do I open his threads? :smack: How did I do this again? ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/23 "2014-05-22T20:25:23Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > Oh, and to answer the OP, my wife believes she’s fat and unattractive. I say “believes” because I don’t think she’s just saying it to fish for reassurances/compliments. She has a legitimately low concept of her own attractiveness that is completely at odds with reality, objective as well as subjective. > > Reality: [Tris2 | Benjamin Duffy | Flickr](https://www.flickr.com/photos/ben1cs/5516150022) I’m not sure if posting her picture is a great idea. But other than that you can tell her that a random stranger on the internet thinks she is very attractive. In a totally non-creepy way of course. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/24 "2014-05-22T20:41:27Z")
You could try to raise her self-esteem by complimenting her on her eyesight. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/25 "2014-05-22T20:42:12Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > Why do I open his threads? I personally find it fascinating to observe **JohnClay** ’s remarkable efforts to find and create opportunities to discuss his twin obsessions: - His wife’s less-than-satisfactory looks - Fat bellies ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/26 "2014-05-22T20:55:30Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I’m not sure if posting her picture is a great idea. But other than that you can tell her that a random stranger on the internet thinks she is very attractive. In a totally non-creepy way of course. 😃 We aren’t terribly private people. She in particular has been very present online (with her real name and face out there) since the days of Usenet, before there was even much of an internet. I shall pass along your kind words at the most opportune time, i.e. when she’s feeling down and my compliments aren’t helping. Thanks! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/27 "2014-05-22T21:08:25Z")
You’re not really all that sexually attracted to your wife, are you **JohnClay**? ETA: Just because she can give you a boner and get you off does not necessarily mean that you find her sexually attractive. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/28 "2014-05-22T21:09:15Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > You’re not really all that sexually attracted to your wife, are you **JohnClay**? The only thing that gets him hard is sowing confusion on the internet. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/29 "2014-05-22T21:26:47Z")
Try my line: My college girlfriend and I were always in the mirror together. One day, I surveyed my face and declared, “I’m ugly!” And she said, “Oh, no, honey, you’re beautiful!” So I said, “Hey, that’s great–I feel a lot better. You try it. You say you’re ugly and then I’ll make you feel better.” She said, “Okay, I’m ugly!” And I said, “You’ve got a really cute personality!” ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/30 "2014-05-22T22:33:25Z")
Question: who here has a wife that’s hotter than JohnClay’s wife? \*raises hand \*. We should all appreciate his honesty; by rating his wife a 5 out of ten he’s making all the other wives hotter in comparison. ---
**Author:** ![fuchsiagroan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9de0a6/32.png) [@fuchsiagroan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuchsiagroan)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/31 "2014-05-22T23:22:27Z")
I wonder how the appearance of the women could mean anything about the men they were with. Their looks don’t throw a glamour of good looks onto the dudes next to them. If they are ugly they stay ugly. This thread suggests a lack of warmth for his wife… Not buying that her (supposed) word means handsomeness. My guess is that’s why this was started. "People say I’m great looking."Deserves “better”. Blah blah blah. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/32 "2014-05-23T00:27:52Z")
The reminds me of the story of the _8 Cow Wife_ Maybe you should think about getting one. [http://www.ultimatehusband.com/8cow\_wife.htm](http://www.ultimatehusband.com/8cow_wife.htm) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/33 "2014-05-23T00:45:48Z")
> [@Lord\_Ashtar](#): > > You’re not really all that sexually attracted to your wife, are you **JohnClay**? > > ETA: Just because she can give you a boner and get you off does not necessarily mean that you find her sexually attractive. I’m sexually attracted to some aspects of her… ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/34 "2014-05-23T00:49:58Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > Question: who here has a wife that’s hotter than JohnClay’s wife? \*raises hand \*. We should all appreciate his honesty; by rating his wife a 5 out of ten he’s making all the other wives hotter in comparison. Maybe hotter but there are other things that are important in a wife. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/35 "2014-05-23T00:52:18Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > Oh, and to answer the OP, my wife believes she’s fat and unattractive. I say “believes” because I don’t think she’s just saying it to fish for reassurances/compliments. She has a legitimately low concept of her own attractiveness that is completely at odds with reality, objective as well as subjective. > > Reality: [Tris2 | Benjamin Duffy | Flickr](https://www.flickr.com/photos/ben1cs/5516150022) She doesn’t seem “fat” to me at all. But I don’t like her collarbones (unlike my wife’s) - I like to find things I don’t like so that I don’t feel bad about my wife. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/36 "2014-05-23T01:03:25Z")
Incubus: BTW I know a few other wives that are less hot than my wife, so that’s good for me. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/37 "2014-05-23T01:08:35Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > :smack: How did I do this again? I don’t spend as much time here as I used to, so I miss all the drama. Is this a reoccurring theme for the OP? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/38 "2014-05-23T01:24:42Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Maybe hotter but there are other things that are important in a wife. If you’re talking about a flat head so as you can rest a can of beer there, well ya, of course.:dubious:p ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/39 "2014-05-23T01:25:54Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Incubus: > BTW I know a few other wives that are less hot than my wife, so that’s good for me. Them’s dudes. They just dress like that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/40 "2014-05-23T01:52:15Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Them’s dudes. They just dress like that. Some of them have had children though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997.md?page=3)