# Ever had a partner that says they're ugly? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2014, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997 "2014-05-22T09:26:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/61 "2014-05-23T17:51:54Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I think one time she was upset because she doesn’t have any visible external labia, … OMG, neither do I!!! Somebody call a doctor! 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/62 "2014-05-23T17:57:20Z")
> [@Incubus](#): > > TLDR: Ugly people are lazy. Or, alternatively, lazy people are ugly. How do you differentiate? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/63 "2014-05-23T18:12:05Z")
The girl I lived with in the late 90s was, I always thought, cute as a button. But she never believed it. I’ve talked about this before, but we once got into a ridiculous argument because she didn’t think I actually preferred smallish breasts like hers to large ones; she was hurt that I didn’t insist that she grew her hair long (when one of my sisters inadvertently revealed eto her that I prefer long hair on women); and stuff like that; she went back and forth between thinking she should wear dresses for me and hating her (quite shapely) legs; and more craziness along those lines. I hope the above doesn’t sound like I’m mocking her. I don’t mean to. ---
**Author:** ![fuchsiagroan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9de0a6/32.png) [@fuchsiagroan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuchsiagroan)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/64 "2014-05-23T18:38:59Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > _Disclaimer I’m not saying this applies to all guys._ > It comes back to guys and our desire for a pecking order. It’s dumb but it’s a part of our mental make up. > > Having a beautiful girl on your arm doesn’t throw a glamour of good looks onto the guy but to other guys it throws a glamour of “alpha-maleness”. > > If a lot of guys see a hot girl on an ugly looking dude they’ll think, “Wow that dude is ugly but look at the girl he must have something really going for him.” So it ups his alpha-ness. > > Conversely if they see a hot dude all buffed out but with an ugly girl they’ll think, “Wow that dude is an Adonis so why is he with an ugly chick. He must be messed up in some way if he can’t get a hot girl.” So it downgrades his alpha-ness. I was afraid that was it. I’ve known some ugly men who yapped as loudly to anyone around about the super models they’d somehow get… The objective in life being get the hottest girl you can and presto change-o you’re a winner. I don’t think it fools the rest of the world that easily though. If JohnClay had the girl of his beer advertisement would he know what to do with her? He’d probably start a bunch of threads identical to ones by Incubus, and that’s it. Look at me! I win at life. And nothing else to the story. Maybe it doesn’t fool everyone… Maybe the world isn’t as empty as dope threads can make it appear (like a beer ad or a cosmo). ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/65 "2014-05-23T19:27:19Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > I think “you’re beautiful” does the job by itself. “You’re beautiful to me” sort of implies other people would find her ugly, and you probably shouldn’t say your opinion counts more than hers. I was coming by to say this, too. If my husband said, “You’re beautiful to me, and that’s what counts,” that’s a lot like when I tell my son he’s special to us. I want to let him know that he’s integral to our family without giving the impression everyone around him thinks he’s special. Plus, “and that’s what counts,” seems to deliberately misunderstand the question. Speaking from the perspective of a woman who has serious bouts of insecurity, a statement like that says, “Don’t listen to all those people who think you’re ugly - I think you’re pretty!” And before you say it, yes, that’s a huge amount of extrapolation, but if she’s gone from “I’m average” to “I’m hideous,” she’s already feeding her own insecurity; if you give her room to feel worse, she will. The best answer I could receive is something like, “Seriously? How could you even ask that - you’re absolutely gorgeous!” ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/66 "2014-05-24T00:16:59Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > I’m married but I used to think I was a creep and that my only hope would be a Thai bride or something. My Thai bride has asked me to tell you she would never have touched you with a 10-foot pole. ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/67 "2014-05-24T01:01:48Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > My Thai bride has asked me to tell you she would never have touched you with a 10-foot pole. Yeah I suspected I’d even have trouble getting a Thai bride though I think my wife is a lot better than a Thai bride in many ways. (e.g. her family is close to where we live, etc) ---
**Author:** ![mascaroni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dc4da7/32.png) [@mascaroni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mascaroni)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/68 "2014-05-24T01:07:30Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > The wise philosopher Jimmy Soul has [advice that may help you…](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg) I’ve always loved that song. Probably not ideal for a wedding reception though… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/69 "2014-05-24T01:19:57Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > My Thai bride has asked me to tell you she would never have touched you with a 10-foot pole. And my Pole bride wouldn’t have touched him with a 10 foot Thai. ---
**Author:** ![grude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47774/32.png) [@grude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grude)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/70 "2014-05-24T06:13:09Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Yeah I suspected I’d even have trouble getting a Thai bride though I think my wife is a lot better than a Thai bride in many ways. (e.g. her family is close to where we live, etc) I think you’re not talking about a Thai bride per se, but more an illegal sham marriage for immigration purposes set up. Usually that just involves money changing hands for you filing the paperwork and showing up for interviews, very few women are actually going to play the part of a wife and have sex with you for permanent residency alone. Plus she’d just have ended up leaving once the probation period was over after 2 years or whatever. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/71 "2014-05-24T11:14:08Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Yeah I suspected I’d even have trouble getting a Thai bride though I think my wife is a lot better than a Thai bride in many ways. (e.g. her family is close to where we live, etc) Dude. You owe some apologies. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/72 "2014-05-24T13:16:15Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Dude. You owe some apologies. Do you still feel the same as you did when you posted #51? ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/73 "2014-05-24T13:24:27Z")
> [@grude](#): > > I think you’re not talking about a Thai bride per se, but more an illegal sham marriage for immigration purposes set up. Usually that just involves money changing hands for you filing the paperwork and showing up for interviews, very few women are actually going to play the part of a wife and have sex with you for permanent residency alone. > > Plus she’d just have ended up leaving once the probation period was over after 2 years or whatever. I was talking about a Thai bride from this kind of business: [http://www.thai-professional.com/](http://www.thai-professional.com/) ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/74 "2014-05-24T13:25:33Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Dude. You owe some apologies. Why? For saying “I think my wife is a lot better than a Thai bride in many ways” ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/75 "2014-05-24T15:18:24Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Do you still feel the same as you did when you posted #51? No. ☹ JC needs to think about the impact his words will have, even if he never “gets” empathy. ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/76 "2014-05-24T18:06:10Z")
> [@JohnClay](#): > > Why? For saying “I think my wife is a lot better than a Thai bride in many ways” “Many ways”??? Thus implying that there are still a few ways that a Thai bride would be superior? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2014, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/77 "2014-05-24T18:13:13Z")
At first I didn’t think this thread applied to me. But then I remembered a guy I met back in the years before meeting my partner, when I was having anonymous public sex. There were a lot of guys just standing around drinking beers. My eyes kept returning to one guy in semi-cowboy drag; he was remarkably gorgeous, the kind of guy I could meet only in my dreams. Well, he caught me looking at him, and before I knew what was going on, we were both on a carpeted platform in the middle of the room. While he was undressing me, he kept going on and on about how ugly and repulsive he was. So I took a cue from him, and started telling him how revolting and repugnant he was. I don’t remember how this ended, but I don’t think we actually had sex. I think he was tired of people telling him how hot he was, and wanted to experience the other side for a change. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2014, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/78 "2014-05-25T00:30:14Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I’m not sure if posting her picture is a great idea. But other than that you can tell her that a random stranger on the internet thinks she is very attractive. In a totally non-creepy way of course. 😃 You can tell her I think she’s smoking hot, and how creepy you make me seem is totally up to you. ---
**Author:** ![chiroptera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@chiroptera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chiroptera)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2014, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/79 "2014-05-25T00:49:05Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > At first I didn’t think this thread applied to me. But then I remembered a guy I met back in the years before meeting my partner, when I was having anonymous public sex. There were a lot of guys just standing around drinking beers. My eyes kept returning to one guy in semi-cowboy drag; he was remarkably gorgeous, the kind of guy I could meet only in my dreams. Well, he caught me looking at him, and before I knew what was going on, we were both on a carpeted platform in the middle of the room. While he was undressing me, he kept going on and on about how ugly and repulsive he was. So I took a cue from him, and started telling him how revolting and repugnant he was. I don’t remember how this ended, but I don’t think we actually had sex. I think he was tired of people telling him how hot he was, and wanted to experience the other side for a change. I was talking to a friend of mine today - married and in her late 40s, but still very attractive in all the conventional ways. She was complaining that her husband of 20-plus years has started going through an insecure “manopause” where he is convinced she’s going to leave him at any minute. The harder she tries to convince him otherwise, the more morose he gets about his delusion that she’s looking elsewhere. I told her that was all probably all about him freaking out about getting older, and the more she tries to reassure him, the more he feels reinforced in his belief. And that if she simply went with his delusions (because they are truly delusions) he might turn around, or even relax. People are strange. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![JohnClay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c37758/32.png) [@JohnClay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnClay)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2014, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997/80 "2014-05-25T03:10:46Z")
> [@Skara\_Brae](#): > > “Many ways”??? Thus implying that there are still a few ways that a Thai bride would be superior? Or there could be ways in which my wife is not quite “a lot better” and perhaps equal in some ways. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-a-partner-that-says-theyre-ugly/688997.md?page=5)