# Ever had to "break up" with a friend? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 13, 2006, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026 "2006-12-13T21:48:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/41 "2006-12-16T13:18:13Z")
I’m in the middle of a breakup. A dear friend that I “crossed the line” with. I know the reasons we are friends. I know the reasons, at least for now, we can’t be friends and I know that it would hurt the ones we love if we tried to be friends. In my heart, we will always be friends. I miss him every day. The portion of our relationship that was wrong was a small part. The worst thing is, I know he could really use a friend right now, and I can not be that friend. But I miss him terribly. I’ll see him today and know the worst thing I could do is talk to him, and yet as part of my job, I have to. I know that looking at him is just as bad as talking. He knows what we miss. We miss being friends. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/42 "2006-12-16T18:11:15Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Ugh. Sadly, my friend was so much more insidious than that. She’s the kind of person who, when you tell her something _good_, tries to convince you that it’s actually NOT good. Got a promotion? “Well that’s an awful lot more responsibility, I don’t think that raise is enough. You’re getting screwed, really.” Kid made honor role? “Well, it’s not like it’s a really demanding curriculum, is it?” Lost 20 lbs? “Don’t you worry about what that’s gonna do to your neck? Nothing worse than wattle.” Boyfriend sending you on a spa weekend? “Don’t you wonder why he wants you out of town?” Really, it’s amazing that no one ever throttled her. [/QUOTE] Oh, my friend did a version of that (not to make this a competition, because that’s another thing my friend did that I hated); she was constantly trying to convince me that I was in denial about how bad things _really_ were for me. Sure I might _think_ I was happy, but in reality I was just refusing to recognize my troubles. Sometimes, though, she’d just yell, “It’s not FAIR!!!” and storm out if something good happened to me. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/43 "2006-12-16T18:24:22Z")
[QUOTE=devilsknew] Yes, a friend had to break up with me. And I understand and accept it. I’m fucked up and the last thing she needed was me. In moments of our weakness we each bared the unbearable. And it wasn’t good. I miss her, and hope she and her loves and passions are well. In the endless meaning of well, an eternal and ever giving source and (well)being. [/QUOTE] I’m sorry to hear about that, but thanks for sharing the other perspective. I do wonder, though, how many friends on your side of the fence actually accept any culpability once the friendship is over, as you have. I’m not _saying_ it’s your fault, especially since I don’t know the situation (and hey, it takes 2 to tango), but most of the ex-friends in this thread seem too self-absorbed to actually accept some responsibility. Heck, for all I know, some of the people with whom I’ve “lost touch” were actually dumping _me_, and I’m still blissfully thinking that I’m the most lovable buddy on the planet. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/44 "2006-12-16T18:25:43Z")
[QUOTE=Auntbeast] I’m in the middle of a breakup. A dear friend that I “crossed the line” with. I know the reasons we are friends. I know the reasons, at least for now, we can’t be friends and I know that it would hurt the ones we love if we tried to be friends. In my heart, we will always be friends. I miss him every day. The portion of our relationship that was wrong was a small part. The worst thing is, I know he could really use a friend right now, and I can not be that friend. But I miss him terribly. I’ll see him today and know the worst thing I could do is talk to him, and yet as part of my job, I have to. I know that looking at him is just as bad as talking. He knows what we miss. We miss being friends. [/QUOTE] I’ve read your threads about that friend. I know that this must have been a hard decision for you. Hang in there. ---
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/45 "2006-12-16T18:51:39Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Got a promotion? “Well that’s an awful lot more responsibility, I don’t think that raise is enough. You’re getting screwed, really.” Kid made honor role? “Well, it’s not like it’s a really demanding curriculum, is it?” Lost 20 lbs? “Don’t you worry about what that’s gonna do to your neck? Nothing worse than wattle.” Boyfriend sending you on a spa weekend? “Don’t you wonder why he wants you out of town?” [/QUOTE] Whoa, that sounds just like my mother’s first cousin. To her, every trip to the doctor means you’ve either got cancer or a heart condition. And there’s no such thing as routine maintenance for a car – if it’s in the shop, it’s something major that’s going to cost a lot. Oh, and she just can’t believe I don’t have a job lined up yet – even though the project work I had this semester meant I was on campus most days from 9 AM to 11 PM, leaving little time to actually go to a job interview. She seems to think this is quite a tragedy, and that I’ll be living on the street within a month. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2006, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/46 "2006-12-16T18:52:59Z")
[QUOTE=auntie em] Oh, my friend did a version of that (not to make this a competition, because that’s another thing my friend did that I hated); she was constantly trying to convince me that I was in denial about how bad things _really_ were for me. Sure I might _think_ I was happy, but in reality I was just refusing to recognize my troubles. Sometimes, though, she’d just yell, “It’s not FAIR!!!” and storm out if something good happened to me. [/QUOTE] What a sad woman. Although I would totally cut her out of my life, I still feel sorry for her. Some people can’t see how good life can be. ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2006, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026/47 "2006-12-17T15:16:08Z")
[QUOTE=DianaG] Ugh. Sadly, my friend was so much more insidious than that. She’s the kind of person who, when you tell her something _good_, tries to convince you that it’s actually NOT good. [/QUOTE] I’d an [ex] friend like that, her intention was to make sure she was seen as the Alpha of the group. I did an online IQ test and scored 131 - which according to the site was above average. I thought this amusing as I’m considered to be a thicko by my family [who have demonstrated this in front of other people], and I was telling this woman about it. She made damn sure I knew that IQ tests are a piece of crap, and that you can’t trust anything on the internet and 131 isn’t a high score anyway blah blah blah (good 80 seconds worth of bitching) Geez I was only _saying_ that I scored 131 on an online IQ test, not fall to your knees and worship me as your superior :rolleyes: [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-had-to-break-up-with-a-friend/384026.md?page=2)