# Ever hear of a Tom Swiftie? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 26, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650 "2004-03-26T23:27:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![rjk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ed655f/32.png) [@rjk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjk)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/21 "2004-03-27T02:49:11Z")
My first thought when I saw this thread: “I’ve given up taking dope,” Tom said straightly. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/22 "2004-03-27T03:30:23Z")
“Show me Missouri,” Tom stated. Tom elevated his voice, “You can’t get a rise out of him!” ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/23 "2004-03-27T03:37:09Z")
The subject isn’t Tom, but: “I bought something at the flea market today,” cheeped a robin (or a bird that would be appropriate). ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/24 "2004-03-27T07:07:30Z")
“That is an ugly shirt!” Tom loudly said. “The food needs seasoning,” Tom said blandly. “My car battery blew up,” Tom said acidly. “I like the feel of boobies,” Tom softly said. ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/25 "2004-03-27T07:13:56Z")
Just one more: “Who cut the cheese?” Tom said sharply. ---
**Author:** ![bleach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bleach/32/3106_2.png) [@bleach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bleach)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/26 "2004-03-27T07:18:44Z")
“This tuna is excellent,” said Tom superficially. “I’m going to end it all,” Sue sighed. “That is remarkable,” remarked Tom. “I haven’t had any tooth decay yet,” said Tom precariously. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/27 "2004-03-27T07:28:46Z")
“I’m going to catch that spaniel if it takes me all day,” Tom said doggedly. “I’m really pretty indifferent about the albums they did after _Some Girls_,” Tom said stonily. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/28 "2004-03-27T07:30:23Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > It’s a good example if you tell it right: > > “The prisoner is going downstairs,” said Tom condescendingly. Make no sense if you go upstairs, and you need to identify what “con” refers go. Actually, if you take “con-” to mean “against” or “counter to”, then “condescendingly” has to mean “moving up”, so “I’m going upstairs” is correct for that particular swiftie… ---
**Author:** ![Tokyo\_Mann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@Tokyo\_Mann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tokyo_Mann)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/29 "2004-03-27T07:55:06Z")
“I love Spy vs. Spy,” Tom said madly. ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/30 "2004-03-27T08:12:56Z")
For those who are interested in the previous thread on this topic, here it is. > **[Tom Swifties](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=208967)** > > “I just love Vonnegut,” he said curtly. “I really hate this government,” cooed the Generalissimo. “Ouch! Stupid lobster!!” snapped the cook. I was considering revisiting Tom Swifties at some stage because I thought the thread had died an early death. Glad that someone else brought it up. ---
**Author:** ![Ross](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e274bd/32.png) [@Ross](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ross)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/31 "2004-03-27T11:40:19Z")
Don’t forget about the [Tripods TV series](http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B000059H2E/ref=sr_aps_dvd_1_1/202-8178110-1239020), either! That were top that. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/32 "2004-03-27T14:24:50Z")
> [@Shade](#): > > “I’m into homosexual necrophilia,” said Tom in dead earnest. “I’m not sure about homosexuality,” said Tom, half in earnest. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/33 "2004-03-27T14:28:00Z")
A double swifty. “Seattle Slew’s trainer is here with a frog.” Tom croaked hoarsely. ---
**Author:** ![SiXSwordS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/49beb7/32.png) [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/34 "2004-03-27T15:04:36Z")
> [@RealityChuck](#): > > It’s a good example if you tell it right: > > “The prisoner is going downstairs,” said Tom condescendingly. Make no sense if you go upstairs, and you need to identify what “con” refers go. Of course we all know that the opposite of going down is going up-- but maybe I am a little obscure. To wit: “You’ve gained a lot of weight, Auntie.” Dorothy said emphatically. or “I farted.” Tom said astutely. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Carnage](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/max_carnage/32/12775_2.png) [@Max\_Carnage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Carnage)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2004, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/35 "2004-03-27T16:50:34Z")
“Ow! Don’t ever kick me in the nuts again!” said Tom testily. And not a Tom, but I just thought of it and had to use it: “Yes, I’m the Lord of the Dance,” said Michael flatly. ---
**Author:** ![j\_sum1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8baadc/32.png) [@j\_sum1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j_sum1)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/36 "2004-03-28T00:54:46Z")
“I’m no longer going out with that girl”, said Tom ruthlessly. “But I am interested in her sister”, he elucidated. ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/37 "2004-03-28T00:59:23Z")
“I’m… just posting… on The Straight Dope Message Board” said Tom, slowly. ---
**Author:** ![Tikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/5daacb/32.png) [@Tikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikki)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/38 "2004-03-28T01:18:42Z")
“Bob said he’d marry me!” Tom said gayly. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/39 "2004-03-28T01:34:26Z")
“I’m a fan of Luther” Martin said freely. “Well, I prefer Calvin,” John said determinedly. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650/40 "2004-03-28T01:51:14Z")
“I love flying over America,” Tom plainly stated. “I belong to the San Francisco chapter of Mensa,” said Tom homogeneously. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-hear-of-a-tom-swiftie/236650.md?page=3)