# Ever wanted/loved/needed someone so badly that it was literally painful? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2010, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186 "2010-07-01T13:38:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/1 "2010-07-01T13:38:54Z")
…to be around them or to even think of them? And no amount of furious consummating (or “in my bunk” moments) can ease those “feels so good it hurts” sensations? The physical acts simplu cannot contain and satisfy the urges? ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/2 "2010-07-01T13:45:06Z")
Nope. Either that or it’s been so long I forget. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/3 "2010-07-01T13:46:59Z")
Are you talking about sexual attraction or strong emotional feelings? ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/4 "2010-07-01T13:58:23Z")
Yes. It was magical and we would be married today except for the fact we were already married… just not to each other. She broke it off 4 years ago and it really was for the best. I still talk to her sometimes and the wistfulness barely registers now. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/5 "2010-07-01T14:32:25Z")
Um… no. I don’t think I’ve ever had _any_ emotion of the intensity you’re describing. ---
**Author:** ![Ursine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9de053/32.png) [@Ursine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ursine)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/6 "2010-07-01T15:01:35Z")
There’s a woman like that in my life right now. I long for her so intensely that I feel like throwing up half of the time I’m around her, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. It’s on some straight-up Shakespearean thing. The other thing is that she’s my boss. :eek::eek::eek: ---
**Author:** ![umop\_ap\_sdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/dbc845/32.png) [@umop\_ap\_sdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/umop_ap_sdn)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/7 "2010-07-01T16:13:04Z")
Can’t say it’s ever been that intense for me, but there have been several gals (not any guys yet) whom I couldn’t stop thinking about constantly, every day, for months. This one quiz I took online says I’m exactly the type to do that too. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/8 "2010-07-01T16:45:22Z")
While I kinda understand that intensity of feeling (I’ve been in a LDR for six months and am flying out tomorrow to see him for a long weekend. _squee_) it probably isn’t exactly healthy or sustainable if you’re talking about something that’s more than lasting a few minutes or comes and goes. And if it’s someone you’re not actually in a relationship with, it’s most likely based not on who they are but on the fantasy you’ve constructed around them. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/9 "2010-07-01T16:57:21Z")
**John DiFool** , did you just watch Twilight? Well, Eclipse? Because my friends dragged me last night and your OP is basically a quote from that. I’m more concerned about that than the question posed in the OP, because if so, I’m scared for you, sir. 😉 Anyway, the answer for me is no. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/10 "2010-07-01T17:06:05Z")
The only time I’ve ever felt that way about anyone it was an indicator that there was something very, very wrong with the situation. Either they were already taken, they weren’t interested in me, or we were together and he was already planning on leaving and I could sense that he was going to go, etc. Generally I find that loving someone who loves me back and has committed to be with me makes me feel wonderful and it is not at all a painful experience. ---
**Author:** ![Telcontar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Telcontar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telcontar)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/11 "2010-07-01T17:15:40Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > …to be around them or to even think of them? And no amount of furious consummating (or “in my bunk” moments) can ease those “feels so good it hurts” sensations? The physical acts simplu cannot contain and satisfy the urges? Nope. I’ve had “it feels so bad it hurts” and I’ve had “it is so tantalizing it hurts” but never “it feels so good it hurts.” I know people who have “it hurts so much it’s good,” but i was never into that kind of thing myself. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/12 "2010-07-01T17:34:52Z")
Yes, **John** , I know exactly what you mean. However, in the rare times I have felt that for someone, it’s always been a bad, unhealthy situation for me or both of us. That feeling has become a warning sign for me. ---
**Author:** ![PapSett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@PapSett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PapSett)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/13 "2010-07-01T17:36:01Z")
Yes. An impossible situation that sucks my soul dry. Haven’t seen him in almost 2 years and still ache for him, even tho it was just a ‘casual friendship’ to the world. To me, he was the other half of my soul. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/14 "2010-07-01T17:42:53Z")
Yes. In the early stages of my last relationship it was like we couldn’t get close enough to each other. No matter how tightly we held each other, no matter how many limbs we wrapped around each other, it was never enough. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/15 "2010-07-01T17:44:00Z")
Yah, there’s a girl I find it damned hard not to think about. Don’t know that I’d call it love - I think of that as something that comes with time - but I hold this woman in the very highest regard. It’s unsettling, actually - I don’t regard this kind of mopery as healthy, and it renders my judgment suspect. Keeping busy helps somewhat. My job, alas, is dull as the proverbial dishwater - I’m hoping to move to something that’ll both prove more interesting and have longer hours soon. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/16 "2010-07-01T17:49:50Z")
Yes, though it wasn’t primarily about sex. I have been in love with a woman and desperately wanted to be with her, while honestly believing that she was much better off without me. That’s not pleasant. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/17 "2010-07-01T18:01:16Z")
As somebody once said, “if you’ve never seriously considered killing yourself, you’ve never been in love.”. So yeah, I once did. Or rather, it wasn’t so much the good that was so good it hurt, but rather the good was so good, the mere thought of ever losing it felt like death. Actually losing it felt even worse than I could have imagined, though it’s healed up some, over time. I’ve been afraid of falling that hard for someone ever since. Which is probably why I haven’t. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/18 "2010-07-01T18:11:46Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Yes, though it wasn’t primarily about sex. > > I have been in love with a woman and desperately wanted to be with her, while honestly believing that she was much better off without me. That’s not pleasant. Been there. And no, it’s not pleasant at all. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/19 "2010-07-01T18:26:37Z")
> [@Kobal2](#): > > As somebody once said, “if you’ve never seriously considered killing yourself, you’ve never been in love.”. That somebody is kinda dumb. ---
**Author:** ![Carl\_Corey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Carl\_Corey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carl_Corey)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/20 "2010-07-01T18:45:37Z")
Not since I was a teenager. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186.md?page=2)