# Ever wanted/loved/needed someone so badly that it was literally painful? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 1, 2010, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186 "2010-07-01T13:38:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/41 "2010-07-02T08:41:28Z")
That sounds like the kind of way you’d feel about a soulmate. And I don’t believe in soulmates and find the concept ridiculous. So, no. Sure I’ve been in situations where I really like someone and can’t stop thinking about him, but not this whole melodramatic nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/42 "2010-07-02T12:07:57Z")
I think there are fundamental differences between people who haven’t/couldn’t feel this way and those who have/can. I don’t think this much emotion is unhealthy for everyone, or that it means you’re just projecting a damaging fantasy onto the other person. Most people are far, far more emotional than I, and some are 100x so. That doesn’t mean I’m better than them (being emotionally detached to the degree I am can have a negative impact on relationships for sure), and I don’t think I’m any worse. Natural human differences. I’m a textbook INTJ. ---
**Author:** ![Caffeine.addict](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f475e1/32.png) [@Caffeine.addict](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caffeine.addict)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/43 "2010-07-02T14:12:59Z")
No. Mercifully, I am not wired that way. I’ve felt intense attraction to several women in my life including my now wife, but if it didn’t work out, I picked myself up and moved on without too much heartbreak or trouble. ---
**Author:** ![davekhps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a5b964/32.png) [@davekhps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davekhps)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186/44 "2010-07-02T19:02:42Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > No. > > If you’re that insanely obessed with someone, especially someone you aren’t actually in a relationship with, then it’s pretty much a self generated ideal you’re obsessing on, not the actual person. It’s fantasy. It isn’t real. Nobody is that great. Having been there, and knowing all of her faults to a tee well before it ever ended, I disagree. Some people think every person is “the one.” Some people are unable to ever think anyone is “the one.” Some people are healthy, well-adjusted, perfectly normal people who just so happen to meet someone that throws their world for a loop in deeply meaningful ways, whether it was for a day or a year or a lifetime. Some people just “click.” Doesn’t mean they don’t fight, don’t argue, don’t even grow to hate the other… but there’s always something there, moreso than with anyone else you’ve ever met, or ever will meet. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wanted-loved-needed-someone-so-badly-that-it-was-literally-painful/545186.md?page=2)