# Ever wonder what Cecil REALLY wants with us? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 10, 2003, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591 "2003-10-10T01:23:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/21 "2003-10-10T19:28:20Z")
Don’t worry, **Esprix**. You tried your best and you failed miserably. The moral is, never try. ---
**Author:** ![clayton\_e](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c57346/32.png) [@clayton\_e](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clayton_e)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/22 "2003-10-10T19:39:53Z")
The whole thing is really a small model of The Matrix… ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/23 "2003-10-10T20:21:44Z")
You know, I’d really be glad to help Cecil rule the world, but I promised Dogbert I’d help him first. Sorry … ---
**Author:** ![Naz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@Naz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Naz)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/24 "2003-10-10T22:41:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ponder Stibbons \* > \*\*You know, I’d really be glad to help Cecil rule the world, but I promised Dogbert I’d help him first. Sorry … \*\* Yeah, me too. Oh well, whoever takes over first can have the pleasure of my company. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scarf-Ace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Scarf-Ace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarf-Ace)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/25 "2003-10-11T17:06:05Z")
Haven’t you noticed all the subliminal messages and cleverly crafted hypnotic suggestions? He’s clearly sowing the seeds of mind control so he can make an enormous workforce of unwitting dupes to mine enough uranium to fuel his 1920s style death ray. The next phase is anybody’s guess, but i’ll wager he has his eyes on China’s space program. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/26 "2003-10-11T17:53:25Z")
\ I was so hoping we could get through a whole thread without a 1920’s-style “death ray” mention… In any case, Cece is CLEARLY working on a 1930’s-style “doom ray”. ---
**Author:** ![moejuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@moejuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejuck)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/27 "2003-10-11T18:41:03Z")
UncleBeer: “So, Cecil, what are we going to do today?” Cecil: “The same thing we do everyday, UncleBeer, try to take over the world!” Are you pondering what I am pondering? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/28 "2003-10-11T20:12:28Z")
We are Cece’s Oompah-Loompahs and this is his chocolate factory. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/29 "2003-10-11T21:17:35Z")
UncleBeer: “I think so Cecil, but how are we going to fit THAT in his nostrils?” ---
**Author:** ![NothingMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b77776/32.png) [@NothingMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NothingMan)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/30 "2003-10-11T21:45:57Z")
**Adams/Zotti 2004** “Don’t blame me I voted for Cecil!” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/31 "2003-10-12T02:38:02Z")
> [@](#): > > You know, I’d really be glad to help Cecil rule the world, but I promised Dogbert I’d help him first. Sorry … Asia Carrera’s got my support. When I’m choosing a World Dictator I always pick the one with the biggest boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/32 "2003-10-12T02:45:14Z")
Well, based on her interview in the Onion, I think her domestic policy would be a little singularly focussed. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Governor\_Quinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d26b3c/32.png) [@Governor\_Quinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Governor_Quinn)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/33 "2003-10-12T03:21:31Z")
I have a commission as Commander of the SDMB Expedition to Eliminate Joel Stein, but that mission seems not to have gotten off the ground. Of course, since I appointed myself to that post, it doesn’t really relate to what Cecil’s plans are… ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/34 "2003-10-12T05:38:41Z")
Sergeant Horseflesh checking in. Volunteering to be the Deputy Chief of Staff of Chocolate (DCS-CHOC). You never know how precious this commodity will become in the event of a full scale attack on ignorance. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/35 "2003-10-12T11:53:55Z")
I’ll be handling the important Media Center and issuance of all laminated ID cards, as per \*\* The Master\*\*'s instructions. Here’s how it works. I can tell you, since I know you and all, I can trust you. I know it. All 40,000 of you. 😉 Once a month, I get an email from an anonymous source. It has a seventy-nine digit code number. I memorize this number. I then am called 24 hours later, and only AFTER I recite it perfectly, am I given the combination to a locker in Port Authority Bus Terminal in NYC. I go to P.A. Bus Terminal and find a box inside of the locker. The box contains a key, and $ 500.00 in quarters. I use the quarters to purchase a bus ticket to Highland Park, Illinois. I’m met by a slender man with thinning hair and a glint in his eye. He covers my head with black cloth, and drives me to a location I cannot identify. Honest. I can’t. Really. Once at the location, he hands me the videotapes I am to use for that month, in the relentless campaign against ignorance in the media. I am then dumped unceremoniously back at the bus station in Highland Park, and return home. I process the list of laminated ID recipients, and distribute using our already highly secured **J-9901** system of distribution. It’s a job. 😃 Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/36 "2003-10-12T19:40:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AngelicGemma \* > \*\*Another one for world domination. Of course, I plan to beat him to it… \*\* I agree, world domination is definatly Cecil’s ultimate plan. Of course, all of your feeble hum machinations will all be for naught when The Stars Are Right, and I arise . . . but I digress. ---
**Author:** ![moejuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@moejuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejuck)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/37 "2003-10-12T23:05:04Z")
Actually, now that I think about it, I think Cecil is just trying to get laid… ---
**Author:** ![Ender\_Will](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Ender\_Will](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ender_Will)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/38 "2003-10-13T00:34:31Z")
Is there a Torgo on the boards? Undoubtedly, he would take care of the place while The Master is away ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/39 "2003-10-13T03:42:16Z")
Brilliant. New sig… ---
**Author:** ![Kizarvexius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/da6949/32.png) [@Kizarvexius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kizarvexius)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591/40 "2003-10-13T21:31:40Z")
Isn’t it obvious? As the single most enlightened human being that has ever scampered, scurried or skulked across the face of the earth, Cecil is obviously the most qualified featherless biped (with broad, flat nails) to be our philosopher king! And, let me remind you \*\*Ponder Stibbons \*\*, Dogbert is no stranger to backstabbing…in fact, he er-- embraces it wholeheartedly. It matters not who you promised first. It only matters who is best among those you promised. (Just thought I’d ease the turmoil in your soul). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-wonder-what-cecil-really-wants-with-us/206591.md?page=3)