# Every Animal Death Match
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [January 25, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567 "2012-01-25T02:36:07Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/1 "2012-01-25T02:36:07Z")
Inspired by Metric’s _Stadium Love_ - every animal enters the ring, only one leaves.
Rules:
1. These are normal animals - no radioactive spiders, or rare killer attack rabbits.
2. These are regular versions of the animals - they can’t be armoured or equipped with tail lasers or anything.
3. Rules of the universe apply - marine animals are pretty much ruled out because the ring does not contain water and a shark can’t survive out of it (for instance).
4. Humans are watching, but not participating in this mess (which is usually how these things go down).
That’s about it - my nomination goes to one of the large cats, or perhaps a bear of some type.
---
### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/2 "2012-01-25T02:45:16Z")
What are the dimensions of the stadium?
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/3 "2012-01-25T02:48:50Z")
> [@Ludovic](#):
>
> What are the dimensions of the stadium?
Humm - excellent question - let’s go Roman Collisium just for shits and giggles.
---
### Author:  [@Cugel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cugel)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/4 "2012-01-25T03:00:33Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#):
>
> That’s about it - my nomination goes to one of the large cats, or perhaps a bear of some type.
Whatever is small, not considered food and can live the longest without eating/drinking.
---
### Author:  [@Tangent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tangent)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/5 "2012-01-25T03:06:49Z")
African bull elephant
---
### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/6 "2012-01-25T03:08:12Z")
I’m going to go with cougar, because they can live in such a wide variety of conditions, and they like to kill big stuff.
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/7 "2012-01-25T03:14:35Z")
> [@Cugel](#):
>
> Whatever is small, not considered food and can live the longest without eating/drinking.
Which would be a…???
---
### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/8 "2012-01-25T03:16:11Z")
Honey badger.
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/9 "2012-01-25T03:16:34Z")
> [@Tangent](#):
>
> African bull elephant
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#):
>
> I’m going to go with cougar, because they can live in such a wide variety of conditions, and they like to kill big stuff.
So the cougar could take out the bull elephant? FWIW, the elephant can be in musth, just to make things interesting. The cougar can be in whatever state makes a cougar more of a badass.
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/10 "2012-01-25T03:18:06Z")
> [@bup](#):
>
> Honey badger.
You may need to provide a justification for this option…
---
### Author:  [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/11 "2012-01-25T03:20:17Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#):
>
> You may need to provide a justification for this option…
[Here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg)
---
### Author:  [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/12 "2012-01-25T03:21:07Z")
> [@Tangent](#):
>
> African bull elephant
Pretty sure this is the answer. The other contestant is going to be a rhino.
---
### Author:  [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/13 "2012-01-25T03:21:59Z")
Poison dart frog, unless a Leimadophis epinephelus gets him before something else gets the snake. Although I guess something could kill the frog but then die from the effort.
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/14 "2012-01-25T03:26:28Z")
> [@bup](#):
>
> [Here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4r7wHMg5Yjg)
Hummm - that is fairly compelling, but I notice that there weren’t any bull elephants or polar bears in that video.
---
### Author:  [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiendish_Astronaut)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/15 "2012-01-25T03:26:34Z")
I’d go with a rhino. Are we assuming they’ll have an equal amount of aggression/anger? Mental attitude is a BIG part of fighting. A docile rhino might easily lose out to an impassioned dairy cow…
---
### Author:  [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/16 "2012-01-25T03:30:30Z")
[Tardigrade](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardigrade).
But it would be a boring contest for the spectators.
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/17 "2012-01-25T03:31:14Z")
> [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](#):
>
> I’d go with a rhino. Are we assuming they’ll have an equal amount of aggression/anger? Mental attitude is a BIG part of fighting. A docile rhino might easily lose out to an impassioned dairy cow…
They are just average versions of the animal; however, they can be in hyper-aggressive states, as long as its natural - see musth mentioned previously.
So no Chuck Norris raccoon, just a regular, pissed-off raccoon, for example.
---
### Author:  [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/18 "2012-01-25T03:35:05Z")
> [@Sailboat](#):
>
> [Tardigrade](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tardigrade).
>
> But it would be a boring contest for the spectators.
This is a death match - just waiting around for years for all the other animals to die of old age doesn’t really seem in keeping with the spirt of the thing. Also, I think a small frog or bird could eat them.
---
### Author:  [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/19 "2012-01-25T03:39:08Z")
A snake. Waits in a hole and after month most other animals are dead of thirst.
---
### Author:  [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiendish_Astronaut)
#### Post date: [January 25, 2012, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567/20 "2012-01-25T03:44:44Z")
Another question here: is doping banned? Will cats be tested for catnip?
I may not be taking this as seriously as a GQ post deserves but I’m not sure if there’s a factual answer to this.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-animal-death-match/610567.md?page=2)