# Every thing I know about Jesus, I learned from rock 'n roll **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 15, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220 "2005-11-15T21:11:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/21 "2005-11-15T22:30:01Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > … done left Chicago and he’s bound for New Orleans Done walked across the Mississippi. Muddy water turned to wine. ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/22 "2005-11-15T22:32:04Z")
Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet. ---
**Author:** ![AllShookDown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d9b06d/32.png) [@AllShookDown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AllShookDown)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/23 "2005-11-15T22:35:07Z")
Jesus rides beside me. He never buys any smokes. ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/24 "2005-11-15T23:18:51Z")
he’s entering from the rear and he thinks you’re a jerk ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2005, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/25 "2005-11-15T23:31:21Z")
Jesus Christ died for nothin’, I suppose. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/26 "2005-11-16T01:21:02Z")
He wants to go to Venus. ---
**Author:** ![Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ass\_For\_A\_Hat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ass_For_A_Hat)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/27 "2005-11-16T02:01:41Z")
‘Cause it makes me feel like I’m a man When I put a spike into my vein And I’ll tell ya, things aren’t quite the same When I’m rushing on my run And I feel just like Jesus’ son And I guess that I just don’t know ---
**Author:** ![max\_yasgur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f07891/32.png) [@max\_yasgur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/max_yasgur)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/28 "2005-11-16T02:05:46Z")
Jesus is a soul man, yeah… ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/29 "2005-11-16T02:24:38Z")
Hello, Jesus? This is Iggy. ---
**Author:** ![minty\_green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f6c823/32.png) [@minty\_green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minty_green)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/30 "2005-11-16T02:34:20Z")
Jesus come and make up my dying bed. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/31 "2005-11-16T02:54:22Z")
I hear stories from the chamber Christ was born into a manger And like some ragged stranger died upon the cross And might I say it seems so fitting in its way He was a carpenter by trade Or at least that’s what I’m told. Jesus had a twin who knew nothing about sin. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/32 "2005-11-16T04:24:25Z")
> [@capybara](#): > > And like some ragged > stranger died upon the cross > And might I say it seems so fitting in its way > He was a carpenter by trade > Or at least that’s what I’m told. Jesus was a carpenter He died nailed to a wooden cross Irony, oh irony Upon me it is never lost ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/33 "2005-11-16T04:29:55Z")
My Jesus was a cross-maker. ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/34 "2005-11-16T05:21:20Z")
> [@Ass For A Hat](#): > > ‘Cause it makes me feel like I’m a man > When I put a spike into my vein > And I’ll tell ya, things aren’t quite the same > When I’m rushing on my run > And I feel just like Jesus’ son > And I guess that I just don’t know Jesus, help me find my proper place. Help me in my weakness, 'cause I’m falling out of grace. ---
**Author:** ![Taber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ac91a4/32.png) [@Taber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taber)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/35 "2005-11-16T05:38:42Z")
Cos Jesus he knows me And he knows I’m right I’ve been talking to Jesus all my life Oh yes he knows me And he knows I’m right And he’s been telling me Everything is alright * * * I have to pay the ferry To cross the Galilee But not my brother No not him He walks across for free I finally get to work 'Bout a quarter after nine Already he’s turning water into wine Jesus’ brother Bob, Jesus’ brother Bob A nobody relative of the son of God ---
**Author:** ![NAF1138](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naf1138/32/3245_2.png) [@NAF1138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NAF1138)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/36 "2005-11-16T07:03:16Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > [He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix > He could’ve told the future > He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world > He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky > He could’ve danced better than Barishnikov](http://www.commonplacebook.com/songs/jesus_way_cool.shtm) Jesus was way cool! They say Jesus will find you wherever you go, but when he’ll come lookin’ for you they don’t know. In the meantime keep your profile low. Gorilla your a desperado. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/37 "2005-11-16T08:05:09Z")
> [@NAF1138](#): > > Jesus was way cool! No wonder there are so many Christians. ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/38 "2005-11-16T09:19:31Z")
He discovered the Beatles, recorded with the Rolling Stones and was an opening act for ole’ George Jones mm ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/39 "2005-11-16T09:47:55Z")
Jesus met the woman at the well {I said Jesus, he met the woman at the we-e-e-e-ell} He said, “Woman, now lookee here woman They tell me you have five husbands But this man you got now, he sure ain’t one.” {He sure ain’t one} ---
**Author:** ![mamboman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecb155/32.png) [@mamboman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mamboman)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/40 "2005-11-16T10:47:23Z")
I found him on the jailhouse floor… mm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220.md?page=3)