# Every thing I know about Jesus, I learned from rock 'n roll **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 15, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220 "2005-11-15T21:11:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/41 "2005-11-16T13:50:55Z")
> [@ddgryphon](#): > > Where are you from Jesus? > What do you want Jesus? > Tell me Remember Caesar. You have a duty. To keep the peace so crucify him. ---
**Author:** ![GraceTX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c4cdca/32.png) [@GraceTX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GraceTX)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/42 "2005-11-16T14:02:39Z")
Jesus came from outta space and travelled from beyond the stars He came down for peace on Earth and left in a second-hand car ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Prize](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Sir\_Prize](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Prize)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/43 "2005-11-16T14:09:18Z")
He goes to the finest school in town. His grandfather is Alvin Tostig. He blows up balloons all day. He wants to go to Venus. ---
**Author:** ![Draelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@Draelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Draelin)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/44 "2005-11-16T14:09:36Z")
I told the priest, don’t count on any second coming God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming He had the balls to come The gall to die and then forgive us No I don’t wonder why, I wonder what he thought it would get us, ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/45 "2005-11-16T15:10:53Z")
And Jesus was a sailor when he walked upon the water… ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/46 "2005-11-16T15:23:46Z")
Et homo factus est And was made man You God, chose to become a man To pay the earth a small social call I tell you sir You never were A man at all Why? You had the choice When to live When to die And then Become a God again. ---
**Author:** ![dotchan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@dotchan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dotchan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/47 "2005-11-16T16:03:41Z")
Jesus is… not as big as the Beatles. on this piece of burnt underwear! Honest! the Joy of my desire (wait, wrong century :P) ---
**Author:** ![well\_he\_s\_back](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3ab097/32.png) [@well\_he\_s\_back](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/well_he_s_back)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/48 "2005-11-16T16:47:25Z")
He took the last train to the coast. ---
**Author:** ![St\_Ides](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@St\_Ides](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/St_Ides)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/49 "2005-11-16T17:01:58Z")
> [@Ghanima](#): > > Jesus was an architect previous to his career as a prophet. Jesus built my car. It’s a love affair. Mainly jesus and my hot rod. Jesus was a terrorist; Enemy of the state. That’s what the Romans labeled him, so he was put to death. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/50 "2005-11-16T17:08:21Z")
\*They ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore. And so I ran twenty red lights in His honor. Thank you Jesus, thank you Lord. Meet me, Jesus, meet me in the middle of the air.\* I’ll let somebody else quote Don McLean, if you don’t mind. ---
**Author:** ![Lemur866](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lemur866/32/434_2.png) [@Lemur866](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lemur866)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/51 "2005-11-16T17:37:52Z")
Jesus was a man, A carpenter by hand, A hard workin’ man, and brave But the cops and the preachers They nailed him to a cross And they laid Jesus Christ in his grave. When Jesus came to town All the people gathered round They all shouted out and said, Hey! But the bankers and the soldiers They nailed him to a cross And they laid Jesus Christ in his grave. ---
**Author:** ![cbawlmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cbawlmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbawlmer)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/52 "2005-11-16T18:40:57Z")
Father, if Jesus exists, how come he never is here? ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/53 "2005-11-16T20:26:31Z")
Jesus had a son by Mary Magdalene, And he rode the land like his father did before him. Well Jesus raised him loud, But Mary raised him proud, And he tracked the man who nailed his father down. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/54 "2005-11-16T20:31:01Z")
Jesus Christ, Superstar… ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/55 "2005-11-17T13:21:31Z")
So thank your lucky stars you got protection. Walk the line and never mind the cost. Don’t wonder who those law men were protecting When they nailed the Savior to the cross. For the law is for protection of the people. Rules are rules and any fool can see We don’t need no riddle speaking prophets Scaring decent folks like you and me. No sirree. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/56 "2005-11-17T14:17:49Z")
I don’t want to walk and talk about him, I just want to see his face. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/57 "2005-11-17T14:48:32Z")
How’s the lizzies? How’s your Jesus Christ been hanging? ---
**Author:** ![MrO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/50afbb/32.png) [@MrO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrO)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/58 "2005-11-17T15:10:23Z")
Since **Jophiel** beat me to the Leonard Cohen reference: If Jesus saves, well he’d better save himself from the gory glory-seekers who use his name in death. ---
**Author:** ![Labdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/439d5e/32.png) [@Labdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labdad)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/59 "2005-11-17T18:22:19Z")
Last night I dreamed that I woke up with straps across my chest And something cold and black was pulling through my lungs And even Jesus couldn’t save me, though I know he did his best But he don’t live on Ellis Unit One ---
**Author:** ![marque\_elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71c47a/32.png) [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/60 "2005-11-17T20:49:17Z")
Master Jesus, riding around with a rainbow 'round his shoulders. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220.md?page=4)