# Every thing I know about Jesus, I learned from rock 'n roll **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 15, 2005, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220 "2005-11-15T21:11:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/61 "2005-11-17T21:07:58Z")
Well, I don’t care if it rains or freezes Long as I have my plastic Jesus [Riding on the dashboard of my car](http://www.whitetreeaz.com/plastic_jesus/plasticj.htm)… ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/62 "2005-11-17T21:44:36Z")
But there’s one thing I know Though I’m younger than you Even Jesus would never Forgive what you do ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2005, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/63 "2005-11-17T22:31:45Z")
I’m as good as that guy named Jesus. I can cure a cripple with a prothesis. I can even walk on water when it freezes. I’m as good as that guy named Jesus, And Jesus had better watch his back… ---
**Author:** ![Mbossa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Mbossa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mbossa)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/64 "2005-11-18T00:14:50Z")
If the real Jesus Christ were to stand up today He’d be gunned down cold by the CIA. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/65 "2005-11-18T00:29:36Z")
Heard a lot of talk about this Jesus A man of love, a man of strength But what a man was 2000 years ago Means nothing at all to me today ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/66 "2005-11-18T00:33:26Z")
Jesus walked on the water He turned the water into wine He went down to the drunkards To tell them everything was fine: “You are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved, you are loved…” ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2005, 7:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/67 "2005-11-18T07:07:58Z")
Serpent Jesus Snakes of Christ Nailed to a cross of a holy design Blood to water Water to wine Whip the soul ’til a mother cries Bring it down, baby- pierce the side Start the legend with a funeral rite Serpent Jesus Snakes of Christ Gonna build you a world of lies ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/68 "2005-11-21T09:48:40Z")
I got a ticket to Heaven, and everlasting life. All the way to paradise. ---
**Author:** ![Hallucinex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba9def/32.png) [@Hallucinex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hallucinex)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/69 "2005-11-21T11:53:16Z")
We done told you, our God’s done warned you, Jesus comin’ soon Jesus gonna make up my dying bed ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 2:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/70 "2005-11-21T14:27:51Z")
When the weather gets rough And it’s whiskey in the shade It’s best to wrap your savior Up in cellophane He flows like the big muddy But that’s ok Pour him over ice cream For a nice parfait Well it’s got to be a chocolate jesus Good enough for me Got to be a chocolate jesus Good enough for me ---
**Author:** ![RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/53a042/32.png) [@RancidYakButterTeaParty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RancidYakButterTeaParty)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/71 "2005-11-21T15:06:18Z")
> [@flight](#): > > When the weather gets rough > And it’s whiskey in the shade > It’s best to wrap your savior > Up in cellophane > He flows like the big muddy > But that’s ok > Pour him over ice cream > For a nice parfait > > Well it’s got to be a chocolate jesus > Good enough for me > Got to be a chocolate jesus > Good enough for me …Gotta be chocolate jesus to make me feel good inside gotta be chocolate jesus, to keep me satisfied… ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2005, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220/72 "2005-11-21T15:22:02Z")
I was taught to fear Jesus in a small town. I mean, if he’s in the city, he’s just fine… But find him at one of those road-side bait-shops? Just stay out of his path. It’s best that way. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/every-thing-i-know-about-jesus-i-learned-from-rock-n-roll/331220.md?page=3)