# Everyone is so friendly here (it's friggin creepy) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949 "2006-12-05T16:11:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/1 "2006-12-05T16:11:34Z")
It’s my new job. Everyone’s so goddamned chipper and all “Hi!” with big smiles 'n shit in the hallways. It’s just… ugh. Who the fuck is in such a good mood all the time, anyhow? Seriously. ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/2 "2006-12-05T16:17:38Z")
Careful, it might be a front for a cult group. Is it the [Sunshine Carpet Cleaners](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Wilhelm)? Jim {Did you perhaps join Apple?} ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/3 "2006-12-05T16:23:31Z")
Bite me. Feel better? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/4 "2006-12-05T16:25:03Z")
You should start drinking the office coffee. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/5 "2006-12-05T16:26:34Z")
[QUOTE=What Exit?] Careful, it might be a front for a cult group. Is it the [Sunshine Carpet Cleaners](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Wilhelm)? Jim {Did you perhaps join Apple?} [/QUOTE] Heh. It kind of feels that way. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/6 "2006-12-05T16:28:59Z")
[QUOTE=Ethilrist] Bite me. Feel better? [/QUOTE] _That’s more like it_ 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Nanoda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Nanoda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nanoda)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/7 "2006-12-05T16:32:08Z")
Oh oh! It’s Tuesday, and someone still has a case of the Mondays! 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/8 "2006-12-05T16:35:52Z")
Whaddaya expect when you take a job at Stepford Industries? ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/9 "2006-12-05T16:36:41Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] You should start drinking the office coffee. [/QUOTE] You mean _cool aid_? ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/10 "2006-12-05T16:50:02Z")
Have you ever watched “[Dead Like Me](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0348913/)”. You might like it. In one of the ongoing subplots of the show the main character has to deal with working at such a place. You can rent the show from NetFlix or catch it on the Sci-Fi channel now. Watch out for the Cool-Aid or Flavor-Aid, that is the final drink. The coffee will do the trick to get you ready for the latter. Jim ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/11 "2006-12-05T18:20:54Z")
What ever you do, don’t kill one. It just starts a viscious cycle - you know, you kill one of the “chipper ones” and it makes you smile. Just for an instant. In that instant somebody sees you smile, thinks you’re one of Them and offs you. The sight of your bloody, lifeless corpse brings a smile to their face. Just for an instant… ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/12 "2006-12-05T18:28:15Z")
Do people come out of the boss’ office smiling? Is your boss the only one whose smile is a little … _different?_ Is there a room in the building no one admits to knowing the contents of because it is strictly off-limits? If so, you need to get up really, really slowly, smile, and make your way calmly and rationally to the door. Once outside of the building, run like your ass is a sandwich and you’re being chased by Kate Moss. Do not look back. Ever. ---
**Author:** ![Sailboat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sailboat/32/461_2.png) [@Sailboat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sailboat)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/13 "2006-12-05T18:33:57Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] run like your ass is a sandwich and you’re being chased by Kate Moss. [/QUOTE] “That’s ‘What is a cocaine sandwich,’ Alex.” Sailboat ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/14 "2006-12-05T18:50:17Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] Do people come out of the boss’ office smiling? Is your boss the only one whose smile is a little … _different?_ Is there a room in the building no one admits to knowing the contents of because it is strictly off-limits? If so, you need to get up really, really slowly, smile, and make your way calmly and rationally to the door. Once outside of the building, run like your ass is a sandwich and you’re being chased by Kate Moss. Do not look back. Ever. [/QUOTE] How do you think I ended up _here_??? I’ve got to break the cycle, man. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/15 "2006-12-05T18:53:23Z")
Next person that says hi gets a kick to the balls/boobs. That aught to end THAT nonsense! My workplace is really friendly, too. I pulled that maneuver, now I get to gripe and bitch whenever I want. People COWER before the might of My Right Foot. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/16 "2006-12-05T19:02:17Z")
Maybe you should mention your plans for world domination . That should cut down on the chit-chat. ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/17 "2006-12-05T19:42:44Z")
[QUOTE=Sailboat] “That’s ‘What is a cocaine sandwich,’ Alex.” Sailboat [/QUOTE] I’m sorry. That _was_ a little dated. I’d like to amend that with “run like there’s a Coke-line down your ass crack and you’re being chased by Kate Moss.” Of course, that could be applied to any number of celebs. > [@Winston Smith](#): > > How do you think I ended up here??? > > I’ve got to break the cycle, man. The only way is to out-creep them. As you wander around the office during the day, occasionally mingling with your cow-orkers, drop disturbing little comments into your smalltalk. Stuff like: “Hey, I saw your wife last night. You have a lovely home – what I could see from outside, anyway.” “Say, what’s your waist size?” “I collect animal skulls. Just a little thing I picked up hunting. That’s a nice hat. Size three?” “Would you like some coffee? I made it special, just for you.” “If they take my stapler again, I’ll set the building on fire.” See how long it takes before people either A) stop smiling, and/or B) start avoiding you. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/18 "2006-12-05T20:07:49Z")
[QUOTE=Mindfield] I’m sorry. That _was_ a little dated. I’d like to amend that with “run like there’s a Coke-line down your ass crack and you’re being chased by Kate Moss.” Of course, that could be applied to any number of celebs. The only way is to out-creep them. As you wander around the office during the day, occasionally mingling with your cow-orkers, drop disturbing little comments into your smalltalk. Stuff like: “Hey, I saw your wife last night. You have a lovely home – what I could see from outside, anyway.” “Say, what’s your waist size?” “I collect animal skulls. Just a little thing I picked up hunting. That’s a nice hat. Size three?” “Would you like some coffee? I made it special, just for you.” “If they take my stapler again, I’ll set the building on fire.” See how long it takes before people either A) stop smiling, and/or B) start avoiding you. [/QUOTE] Two words: close talker ---
**Author:** ![XJETGIRLX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9fc29f/32.png) [@XJETGIRLX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XJETGIRLX)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/19 "2006-12-05T20:17:17Z")
Stop showering. That ought to fix your problem. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2006, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949/20 "2006-12-05T20:17:34Z")
[QUOTE=Winston Smith] Two words: close talker [/QUOTE] Be sure to start your sentences with “Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”, using your diaphragm to draw in and expel as much air as possible when close talking. Feel free to pet whatever they’re wearing and comment on how cheap it feels. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-is-so-friendly-here-its-friggin-creepy/382949.md?page=2)