# Everyone On Earth Will Want To See This Movie (Now With Added Snakes on a Plane!) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [June 16, 2006, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992 "2006-06-16T21:01:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/1 "2006-06-16T21:01:16Z")
So…Snakes on a Plane. It’s got Samuel L. Jackson, so I will be seeing it, on principle. And I realised something: there are certain factors that will make me see a movie, no matter what reviews it gets, no matter how much it looks like it’s going to suck. For me, these factors are: Samuel L. (motha **fuckin’** ) Jackson, Johnny Depp, comic book movies, pirates. If a film promises to have any one of those in it, I am contractually obliged to see it. And then it hit me: everyone must have some similar criteria that will make them buy tickets for a given movie. And there is probably enough convergence in tastes so that we can fit enough of these “must-see points” into a single movie so that _every single human being on earth_ will want to see it. So here’s the goal: create a movie that every SDMB poster\* would see on opening night based on what we tell you about it, while keeping the list of information about the film as short as possible. Obviously, I want to see my own movie, so: This movie stars Samuel L. Jackson. \*Because obviously we are a perfectly representative specimen of humanity. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/2 "2006-06-16T21:10:51Z")
Directed by Steven Spielberg ---
**Author:** ![NailBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecae2f/32.png) [@NailBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NailBunny)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/3 "2006-06-16T21:23:36Z")
Soundtrack by Nick Cave. ---
**Author:** ![Lama\_Pacos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Lama\_Pacos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lama_Pacos)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/4 "2006-06-16T21:26:39Z")
Documentary. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/5 "2006-06-16T21:37:50Z")
Pretty girls. ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/6 "2006-06-16T21:39:52Z")
Is made by (insert name) and also at the same time ridicules (same name) Pick one: [ul] [li]Michael Moore[/li][li]Paul Verhooven[/li][/ul] Either one should pretty much get everyone of us down to the theater. 😃 D&R ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/7 "2006-06-16T21:40:08Z")
Angelina Jolie, Geena Davis, Laura Linney, Jennifer O’Dell (well, if I ever saw a movie she was in, I would see it!), or … um … that’s about it. ---
**Author:** ![chorpler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chorpler/32/2888_2.png) [@chorpler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chorpler)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/8 "2006-06-16T21:41:22Z")
And by “saw a movie she was in” I mean “if I ever saw that she was in a movie.” Obviously not that if I SAW a movie she was in I would see it – that makes no sense. ---
**Author:** ![Stentor\_2.5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@Stentor\_2.5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor_2.5)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/9 "2006-06-16T21:41:37Z")
Based on the bestselling novel ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/10 "2006-06-16T21:42:23Z")
I will watch anything that has Bruce Campbell in it. Often I’ve been sorry, but not sorry enough to deter me from watching the next Bruce Campbell movie that comes down the pike. ---
**Author:** ![Manny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dec6dc/32.png) [@Manny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manny)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/11 "2006-06-16T21:43:27Z")
based on a Raymond Feist novel ---
**Author:** ![vibrotronica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a9a28c/32.png) [@vibrotronica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vibrotronica)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/12 "2006-06-16T21:44:21Z")
It should be about the life and/or death of Christ. And include lots of boobies. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/13 "2006-06-16T21:44:30Z")
There is a killer brief yet lingering nude female leg and crotch shot about a quarter of the way through. That would be one of the best ever if it weren’t for the fact that TWO of the hot female leads have a spontaneous and unexpected display of nudity 30 minutes later. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/14 "2006-06-16T21:55:09Z")
Full-frontal Ewan McGregor. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/15 "2006-06-16T22:00:03Z")
Gee, I’m afraid to mention my criterion. Ya’ll will just have to guess. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![flight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbce88/32.png) [@flight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flight)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/16 "2006-06-16T22:01:39Z")
The problem with this is that a requirement for some people is an automatic no-see for others. I know someone who would automatically see any Kevin Costner movie. I loathe and despise him and will not see any of his movies. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/17 "2006-06-16T22:14:41Z")
Written and directed by Joss Whedon and J.M.S. With Geena Davis. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/18 "2006-06-16T22:18:20Z")
Guys, please respect the other posters! Has Raymond Feist ever written a bestselling novel about the life and/or death of Christ? ---
**Author:** ![Noelq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noelq/32/16438_2.png) [@Noelq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noelq)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/19 "2006-06-16T22:28:39Z")
There MUST be some explosions. And swords. There has to be swords. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2006, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992/20 "2006-06-16T22:35:43Z")
Film noir, preferably where people where suits and trench coats and fedoras. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-on-earth-will-want-to-see-this-movie-now-with-added-snakes-on-a-plane/360992.md?page=2)