# Everyone pay attention to Jack Batty **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 13, 2001, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908 "2001-01-13T22:06:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/41 "2001-01-14T17:54:11Z")
I suppose it was fun while it lasted. ::sigh:: Hi again, Jack. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbazine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbazine/32/362_2.png) [@Bumbazine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbazine)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/42 "2001-01-14T21:13:36Z")
Hi **Jack** (Now _there’s_ a phrase you don’t hear very often.) How does one become an attention slut, anyway? A successful one that is. ::holding up official **Jack Batty** t-shirt, trading cards and decoder ring:: I think I’m missing something here. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/43 "2001-01-14T21:30:08Z")
How much does it cost to pay attention? I’m kinda strapped this week. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/44 "2001-01-14T22:13:10Z")
hi…jack. hijack! I love you, now strip down to your bare arse, give me all your money, and- sit down on this chair and wait while I think of a third thing to say. ::puts gun in holster and waits:: ---
**Author:** ![oldscratch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@oldscratch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oldscratch)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/45 "2001-01-14T22:19:55Z")
> [@](#): > > I feel I need to quell a rumor that I’m sure Rasa would probably like to advance, and which I seem to have inadvertently started: I do not wear Huggies Pull-upsTM - although I have no comment about latex pajamas. Unfortunately, **Jack** , when it comes to humorous, incriminating things, my mind is like a steel motherfuckin’ trap. Heeheehee… ok something ELSE not to picture at the SuperBowl party. **Sue** with ducklips, and you in Pull-ups! ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/46 "2001-01-14T22:24:18Z")
While I’m sure scratchie also has a good memory when it comes to embarrassing things, that above post attributed to him was actually me. I must turn off the option to save cookies! ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/47 "2001-01-14T23:15:37Z")
Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy paying attention to other things. Am I too late to pay attention to Jack Batty? Hi Jack! How YOU doin’? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/48 "2001-01-15T02:22:52Z")
As a tried and true attention slut, neve let it be said that I don’t keep up with my own narcissism. **Silver Fire** : Hi again to you to. So how _is_ life? How’s your liver holding out? **Bumbazine** : One doesn’t _become_ an attention slut, one is _born_ an attention slut. Although good merchandising doesn’t hurt either. **Biggirl** : Attention is free, with $5 dollars shipping and handling, we accept all major credit cards. **Zoggie** : You know my wife lurks and reads over my shoulder all the time. What are you trying to do to me?? [sub]must think about baseball … [/sub] **oldscratch/Rasa** : (I think from now on I’ll just always address you both at the same time - easier that way). Hmmm, Huggies Pull-ups and Duck-Lips. Sounds like a bad TV dective duo from the seventies. **Persephone** : It is never too little, nor to late. I’m doin’ jus’ fine, baby. [sub]I love my wife very much, I love my wife very much, I love my wife very much.[/sub] - Written as she was peeking over my shoulder. But I mean it. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/49 "2001-01-15T03:47:16Z")
_blinks_ What? Did I miss anything? _looks around_ I’m sorry, I was just…mesmerized… I must’ve gone into some kind of trance. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/50 "2001-01-15T07:21:30Z")
Jack…are you getting turned on, baby? 🙂 ::running her hand through his sexy [fill in adj: luxurious, long, soft, irresistable, crispy, non-existent] hair:: Wife? Now now. I’m sure I can make you forget about her in an instant, darling. Besides. You know what they say about baseball. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/51 "2001-01-15T17:02:27Z")
**Zoggie** , you’re scaring the bejeezus out of me. The only way you could make me forget about my wife is with a swift smack on the head with a pick-axe. Other than that, what do they say about baseball? ---
**Author:** ![Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Bottle\_of\_Smoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bottle_of_Smoke)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/52 "2001-01-15T19:45:38Z")
Pay attention to Jack Batty, huh? Hmmmm. Instead of paying actual attention, does it count if I just kinda let a Jack Battyish thought drift in and out my mind and I sorta acknowledge it briefly? . . . Nah, can’t seem to drum one up. Oh well. I gave it a shot anyway. [sub]You shameless (yeah, I know you didn’t start this thread, but why do I picture money being exchanged?) whore for attention, you. [/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2001, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/53 "2001-01-15T20:16:23Z")
Pick axe? Hmm. Well, you’ve heard the song _Paradise by the Dashboard Lights_ haven’t you? You know all the little baseball/sex analogies…first base…second…eventually a home run. :):p:):p:):p:):p:) ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/54 "2001-01-16T00:09:47Z")
While **Jack Batty** is greedily counting the number of posts to his attention thread, **Zenster** slowly sneaks up behind him and cups a chloroform soaked rag across he mouth and nose. ::standing over the insensate and hog tied form of **Jack Batty** , slowly **Zenster** reaches up to his collar and peels away a latex mask:: Revealing… Peter Graves! But wait, it’s not the “Mission Impossible” character played by Pete Graves… It’s the outback stagecoach driving Peter Graves character from “Whiplash”, and he has a bullwhip in his hand! ::\*\*Zenster politely requests the audience to turn away while the appropriate number of lashes are applied to **Jack Batty** ’s prone figure for being such an attention slut:: ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/55 "2001-01-16T00:39:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\*::\*\*Zenster politely requests the audience to turn away while the appropriate number of lashes are applied to **Jack Batty** ’s prone figure for being such an attention slut:: \*\* Are you sure that he WOULDN’T like receiving a few lashes? You might just be playing into his sadomasochistic hands (if indeed he has sadomasochistic hands, of which I have no proof). ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/56 "2001-01-16T00:42:18Z")
Courageous and persevering soul that I am; I’m willing to take that chance! ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/57 "2001-01-16T00:47:33Z")
Ok. Gratuitous mentions of latex, whipping… kinky sex… I _knew_ there was a reason I liked this crew! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/58 "2001-01-16T02:16:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Snooooopy \* > Are you sure that he WOULDN’T like receiving a few lashes? You might just be playing into his sadomasochistic hands (if indeed he has sadomasochistic hands, of which I have no proof). Not everyone is as kinky as you, Snooooops. ::Winks conspiratorially at Jack Batty:: ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/59 "2001-01-16T02:42:40Z")
:eek: Congratulations. For the first time since I joined this board … I am utterly speechless. I have no speech. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2001, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908/60 "2001-01-16T02:52:29Z")
Oh you little attention whore. I guess you finally got that long awaited beating from your pimp, hmmm? 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/everyone-pay-attention-to-jack-batty/49908.md?page=4)