# Eve's date **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 15, 2000, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508 "2000-08-15T23:22:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2000, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/1 "2000-08-15T23:22:56Z")
Hello my dear. Wow! Don’t you look lovely. I thought these flowers would compliment your place, but now I see they are shamed by the flower already gracing the room. I have a limosine waiting. Are you almost ready? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/2 "2000-08-16T00:21:18Z")
{knock, knock} PAINTER’S HERE! We’re here to paint the room! Just let us get these drop cloths down, here…ooops, sorry, pal. You better get that drycleaned right away. (Psssst! **APB!** You should do this sort of thing between 9 and 5 EDT… **Eve** won’t be in until tomorrow morning.) Okay, who ordered th’ hard-boiled eggs? ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/3 "2000-08-16T00:30:28Z")
Eve, I’ll just slip out the bedroom window now… ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/4 "2000-08-16T03:33:11Z")
See, Eve, I considered hiring some clowns to follow us around tonight and be our entertainment. I decided against it, but unfortunately there’s no way to get rid of them now. ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 5:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/5 "2000-08-16T05:58:31Z")
::Limo Driver enters:: Yo, bub, let’s shake a leg. Where’s your chickie… YOWEE, that’s some stain on your jacket! That ain’t ever comin’ out, yaknowwutimean? ::notices flowers in APB’s hand:: HEY, wudda you doin’ with these?!?! ::yanks flowers from APB:: This is the thanks I get??? When you said you couldn’t afford a real limo, I said no problem – you can use the hearse for half price. But what did I tell you? ::APB mutters under his breath and shuffles his feet:: That’s right… don’t touch the flowers in the back! And that goes double for the stiff in the box! Got that? So get your chickie, and let’s go. I got another call at 9:30. One more thing… you ain’t sittin’ in my car with wet paint on your clothes. Lose the jacket. ::Limo driver exits with flowers:: ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/6 "2000-08-16T10:17:10Z")
My jacket is fine. That slapstick was just a camera trick. And I think you must be looking for the guy downstairs; you’re not MY limo driver. I have a real limo, and the driver wears a chauffeur’s cap, not a propeller beanie. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/7 "2000-08-16T14:29:44Z")
[Flashback to several hours before date] Here I am, looking carefully over my possible date clothes—all the SDMB gals are here helping me do my nails and hair (Shayna, I never use Chanel—find me some of that Elizabeth Arden!). Let’s see, shall I go for the fresh-faced college gal look? Gingham and crinoline? Or the usual Kay Francis garb of satin and a velvet evening wrap? Guess that would be better. [Checking SD People Pages] Hmmm . . . No photo of my Mystery Date, which gives me the chance to make 'im up myself. I’ve decided he looks like Gary Cooper, though with a much better grasp of language than Coop’s “yup.” Oooo-there’s the doorbell . . . Hey, I wasn’t expecting painters! ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/8 "2000-08-16T14:52:29Z")
Lets see, hot women helping each other get dressed, studly painters showing up at the door, sailor jumping out the window… This a new porno? ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/9 "2000-08-16T15:08:55Z")
Mistah! Hey, MISTAH? Help yuh wit your bags? (to **soulsling** and **stuyguy** ) You take the blonde, you take the redhead, and I’ll take the one dressed like Kay Francis. ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/10 "2000-08-16T15:25:41Z")
:: turns around and puts the needle on the record… 70’s porn funk music begins playing in background, adjusts pimp daddy hat, strolls on over to the blonde :: Hey baby, let me help wid yo makeup selection… ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/11 "2000-08-16T15:26:37Z")
_giggles_ Oh Eve, he’s so DREAMY… Ick. I can’t even pull that off on a message board. I’ll just amuse myself with that sailor, thanks. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![stuyguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ec9cab/32.png) [@stuyguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stuyguy)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/12 "2000-08-16T15:29:41Z")
Yo, Red… You think the guy in the box is stiff? Baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. ---
**Author:** ![SaxFace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@SaxFace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaxFace)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/13 "2000-08-16T15:38:26Z")
Um, Eve, making dates with MEN? Aren’t you forgetting that you play for the **other** team? Or weren’t you going to mention it, Miss Lipstick Lesbian? ---
**Author:** ![soulsling](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@soulsling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/soulsling)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/14 "2000-08-16T15:47:17Z")
LESBIANS!!! I knew it! This is a porn!!! :: jumping up and down pointing while holding his hat on his head with his other hand :: So, which one of you ladies wants to direct the painters over to the wall of choice…? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/15 "2000-08-16T16:00:09Z")
Sax, darling, I thought you knew I was, um, bilingual . . . No need to get jealous, dear heart—you’ll always be Miss German Alps to me! . . . Oh, that sounds much naughtier if you haven’t been to Sax’s recent thread . . . So, where’s my date? He’s on East Coast time—has he run out in fear, with all the pimps, painters and lesbos running around my apartment? ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/16 "2000-08-16T16:04:22Z")
Pardon me. _walks over to distract soul_ Calm down, boy. You think there’s gonna be any action while yer hopping around like a drowned fish? Sheesh. _smooches_ ---
**Author:** ![Tymp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Tymp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tymp)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/17 "2000-08-16T16:05:27Z")
**Eve** , I’ve thought about it and I believe that, without exercising the imagination too much, one could say that **APB9999** _does_ bear a resemblance to Gary Cooper. Me? Oh, I was just wandering by towards the pub on the corner when I heard all the commotion in here. What’s going on anyway? Wow! Lesbians, limousines, painters and sailors! My goodness! You do live it up, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/18 "2000-08-16T16:16:48Z")
“Lesbians, limousines, painters and sailors!” —Just a typical evening Chez Eve. Hmmm, he really DOES look like Gary Cooper? [quickly getting out New York-to-Boston train schedule] ---
**Author:** ![inoci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/50afbb/32.png) [@inoci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inoci)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/19 "2000-08-16T17:03:53Z")
“See, Eve, I considered hiring some clowns to follow us around tonight and be our entertainment. I decided against it, but unfortunately there’s no way to get rid of them now.” -APB LORDY! clowns in a porno? that’s about the most frightening thing i’ve ever heard of. i don’t think i’ll let it stop me though. \ ten minutes later… \ damn. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2000, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508/20 "2000-08-16T17:31:57Z")
::doorbell rings:: Who ordered the large anchovy with extra ch…Holy Cow! You need more than one large pizza here! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eves-date/29508.md?page=2)