# Evil characters you can't take seriously because they're such losers **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 2, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002 "2005-02-02T16:57:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/41 "2005-02-03T19:02:43Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > Possibly because their ineffectual evil is the point of political satire, I nominate General Ripper and Doctor Strangelove of Kubrick fame. Strangelove’s physical quirks overpower his moral callousness… but… Genral Ripper is terrifying in his single-minded zeal: “War is too important to be left to the politicians. They have neither the time, the training or the inclination for strategic thought. … I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!” With those last three words I lost all terror and awe of the man and went straight to WTF??? mode. Actually, I would think that a US General in charge of an entire air wing of Nuclear Armed B-52 bombers, and who is completely insane, is quite disturbing. On the other hand, I can think of a number off \*\*Final Fantasy \*\* Villians that were quite pathetic. Gilgamesh was one, and so was Ultros. Not to mention a number of the Shinra people(Except for the Turks, who at least managed to destory Sector 7). ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/42 "2005-02-03T19:23:47Z")
> [@HPL](#): > > Actually, I would think that a US General in charge of an entire air wing of Nuclear Armed B-52 bombers, and who is completely insane, is quite disturbing. > > On the other hand, I can think of a number off \*\*Final Fantasy \*\* Villians that were quite pathetic. Gilgamesh was one, and so was Ultros. Not to mention a number of the Shinra people(Except for the Turks, who at least managed to destory Sector 7). The transvestite with a tail, I forget his name, from FFIX comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/43 "2005-02-03T19:34:36Z")
I think there’s some kind of rule that TV cartoon villians have to be incompetent. Wouldn’t want the kiddies fantasizing about growing up to be Gargamel, would you? Of course there’s a long tradition of incompetent cartoon villains going back to the earliest Warner Brothers cartoons. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/44 "2005-02-03T20:18:12Z")
Syndrome, from the Incredibles? Also, Bomb Voyage. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Morbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morbo/32/389_2.png) [@Morbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morbo)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/45 "2005-02-03T20:23:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Smurfette was created by Gargamel as a trap, sent to cause discord in the village. Papa Smurf was able to magically turn her into a real Smurf and that’s why she was the only Smurfette. > [@](#): > > You mean Sassette? Sassette was created by the Smurflings to keep Smurfette company. Who were the Smurflings? They were three Smurfs who got caught in Father Time’s clock so they didn’t age to 100 as most Smurfs do. > [@](#): > > Incidentally, Gargamel wasn’t trying to EAT the Smurfs. He had discovered a magic recipe for making gold that had Smurfs as an ingredient. ::… Dooku sloooowwwwly backs away from computer…:: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/46 "2005-02-03T20:54:13Z")
Darkseid from the _Super Powers_ toons. He could never get anything done and for some reason (entirely understandable at first, but bizarre and pathetic in its duration) was fixated on Wonder Woman. The later incarnation on the Justice League toons was way scarier. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/47 "2005-02-03T21:02:17Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Syndrome, from the Incredibles? Considering he had the smarts to invent all those gadgets, and the brains to amass a fortune to build an island lair, I don’t think he qualifies as a “loser”. > [@Kythereia](#): > > Also, Bomb Voyage. 🙂 That one, I’ll grant you. 🙂 The guy struck me as Paste-Pot Pete (a real loser if I ever saw one) with more explosives. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/48 "2005-02-03T21:03:05Z")
Benita Bizarre. She can kidnap the Bugaloos pretty much at will, and her top sidekick is a Nutcracker reject. If she’d been halfway competent she would have had those fucking pests pinned to cork by the midpoint of the first episode. ---
**Author:** ![Thirty-Nine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f0a364/32.png) [@Thirty-Nine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thirty-Nine)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/49 "2005-02-03T22:38:57Z")
I think this character from an old spiderman comic speaks for itself. The idea behind the story isn’t bad - a villan that morphs into signs of the Zodiac. Then you get to [this page](http://www.lileks.com/institute/biglittle/33.html)… ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/50 "2005-02-03T23:46:47Z")
I always thought [Lurtz](http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.theargonath.cc/characters/lurtz/lurtztoppic.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.theargonath.cc/characters/lurtz/lurtz.html&h=276&w=300&sz=25&tbnid=hI9k7-fcKm8J:&tbnh=102&tbnw=111&start=20&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dlurtz%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D) from Fellowship of the Ring was a bad-ass mofo while [Gothmog](http://www.tuckborough.net/images/gothmog.jpg) from Return of the King I could not take seriously because he looked too much like [Sloth](http://www.tuckborough.net/images/gothmog.jpg) from The Goonies. ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2005, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/51 "2005-02-03T23:48:39Z")
(sorry…) That should be [Sloth](http://altura.speedera.net/ccimg.catalogcity.com/200000/205400/205477/Products/4168842.jpg) from The Goonies. ---
**Author:** ![Caricci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Caricci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caricci)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/52 "2005-02-04T00:21:54Z")
I can’t believe nobody has mentioned the biggest loser villain of all time: Swiper the loser fox from Dora the Explorer. Come on! He’s a wimp. All you have to do to keep him from his evil doing is yell “Swiper, no swiping!” a couple times and he doesn’t swipe. He _whines_ but he doesn’t swipe. My dog that has seizures had better resolve than that! And, oh, did I forget to mention, that’s his evil doing - swiping. And it’s crap like five blueberries that he’s swiping, not plutonium or anything. Plus, he can be a real asshole sometimes. Occassionally Dora and Boots won’t stop him in time and he will swipe and then, when they do catch him, he throws the item so they have to go find it. Christ on a pony! Either keep it or give it back but don’t be a sore loser, you stupid swiping fox! Friggin’ loser. ---
**Author:** ![Tenar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@Tenar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tenar)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/53 "2005-02-04T00:37:32Z")
> [@vinryk](#): > > IWhat a utter piece of pantywaste. He could fight well, but boy, was he a whiney [Ahnold] _girly-boy_ [/Ahnold]. I know it’s generally bad form to unnecessarily point out people’s little literary foibles and malapropisms, but I LOVE THIS. (I am not being sarcastic. I think “pantywaste” is a much more vicious insult than the rather tame “pantywaist”. Sorry for the hijack. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![StGermain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stgermain/32/2868_2.png) [@StGermain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StGermain)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/54 "2005-02-04T01:30:17Z")
Count Olaf. It’s 11 books so far and he still hasn’t managed to grab the Baudelaire fortune? StG ---
**Author:** ![Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Laughing\_Lagomorph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Laughing_Lagomorph)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/55 "2005-02-04T02:52:11Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > … > Richard M. Nixon This cracked me the hell up. Very funny. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/56 "2005-02-04T04:21:34Z")
the nazguls from the movie **LOTR**. nine of them couldn’t handle one aragorn, nor their captain a girl. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/57 "2005-02-04T04:39:52Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > the nazguls from the movie **LOTR**. nine of them couldn’t handle one aragorn, nor their captain a girl. The seventh one had a great rack, though. [sub](the joke so nice I used it twice)[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/58 "2005-02-04T06:55:15Z")
> [@Caricci](#): > > Swiper the loser fox from Dora the Explorer. > > Come on! He’s a wimp. All you have to do to keep him from his evil doing is yell “Swiper, no swiping!” a couple times and he doesn’t swipe. He _whines_ but he doesn’t swipe. I still believe the chant is a magic incantation that sends him back to whatever Lesser Plane of Heck (it’s a kid’s show) he comes from. 😉 > [@Caricci](#): > > And, oh, did I forget to mention, that’s his evil doing - swiping. And it’s crap like five blueberries that he’s swiping, not plutonium or anything. You need to watch the episode entitled, “Dora’s Nuclear Reactor.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/59 "2005-02-04T07:09:08Z")
> [@Askia](#): > > “War is too important to be left to the politicians. They have neither the time, the training or the inclination for strategic thought. … I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!” With those last three words I lost all terror and awe of the man and went straight to WTF??? mode. And that’s why it’s a satire, like you said. It’s supposed to be ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2005, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002/60 "2005-02-04T12:26:13Z")
The silly ball of evil goo from the Fifth Element. “Mr. Zorg, scary ball of goo on the line for you!” “Damn that oil slick. I just had this plastic headpiece windexed! Ah well, put him through. He pays the bills after all.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-characters-you-cant-take-seriously-because-theyre-such-losers/288002.md?page=4)