# Evil Villains Organization **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 31, 2000, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496 "2000-07-31T01:43:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/201 "2000-08-07T18:25:24Z")
That’s the spirit, Falcon! Forgive and forget. And maybe if you dress like Ruffian, as you plan, and dye your hair, and change the way you act, you’ll be able to keep him this time. You know, your name kept popping up at our Carribbean cook-out, and we could barely contain our, uh, admiration for your perseverance. We were rolling on the ground, clutching our sides with admiration! Good for you. ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/202 "2000-08-07T18:27:16Z")
Oh, incidentally, Balance’s brain’s nutrient solution needs to be changed daily or brain damage will set in, and only I have the formula. Something to think about… ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/203 "2000-08-07T18:33:55Z")
Oh APB, darling…remember that power of government forms I have? According to the official record, all that never happened. She who controls the forms controls reality. Something for YOU to think about. _raises eyebrow and smiles_ ---
**Author:** ![inoci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/50afbb/32.png) [@inoci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inoci)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/204 "2000-08-07T18:52:42Z")
I dunno APB, I think Falcon has you on that one… ---
**Author:** ![APB9999](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8e8cbc/32.png) [@APB9999](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/APB9999)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/205 "2000-08-07T19:03:34Z")
Curses! Fortunately most elected politicians are prime candidates for EVO. We may be able to squelch these petty bureaucrats. If that doesn’t work, there’s always the press, **BUHWAAHAAHAAAHAAAHAAAAHAAAA!!!** “Common knowledge” has even more reality-shaping power than government records! Let’s see now, who’s on the roster… ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/206 "2000-08-07T19:11:20Z")
APB…it matters not what the press or elected officials do. Everyone knows the REAL power comes from the consultants and contractors who do all the actual work. And I control them. _slow smile_ So, I agree with inoci for one…looks like I’ve got you on this one. Bwahahahahahahahaha! ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/207 "2000-08-07T19:27:08Z")
\ You guys actually fell for that clichéd clone bit? He looks (ah…looked) nothing like me! \ Didn’t you get my note? “Gone to Tibet. Left a clone as a decoy. XXX, Balance”? And just what kind of necromancy are you attempting on that clone? It looks like a clip from “Debbie Does Forest Lawn Memorial”. Er…not that I’ve ever seen that film, of course… Ahem, anyway, the yetis have agreed to handle China for us. They were starting to get pissed at them, anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/208 "2000-08-07T19:44:04Z")
No, I didn’t get your note. Hmpf. Men. _rolls eyes_ And hey…I was trying whatever I thought would help you wake up, hon! Now then…you look cold, hon. Shall we go warm up before we deal with APB and company? _smiles_ ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/209 "2000-08-07T20:30:13Z")
Maybe dogsbody threw it out when she cleaned up. (She should know better than to clean a villains’ lair, but she’s such a good minion otherwise that we’ll let it slide.) Now, please bide a moment… \ Well, Falcon, that should keep _them_ busy while we make out–I mean, “up”. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 7, 2000, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/210 "2000-08-07T20:39:21Z")
Oh my…and once Ruffian’s suit shrinks, DeathLlama should keep her out of our hair for a bit. Very clever, my dear. I should have known you’d never fall for her wiles… Now then, would you like to see the renovations I made to my bedroom? And making out, making up…there’s a difference? _turns as she and Balance walk off to stick her tongue out at APB - told you!_ ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/211 "2000-08-08T00:55:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Balance \* > **Maybe dogsbody threw it out when she cleaned up. (She should know better than to clean a villains’ lair, but she’s such a good minion otherwise that we’ll let it slide.)** Hey, I never _clean_ anything. I tidy up, occasionally, but that’s just a matter of making the piles of things neater, and making sure that any paper plans are buried in the piles so that no nosy parkers can just look at your desk and know what’s up… Still, maybe I did move that note. But I’ll just sit here with this Wand of Transmutation and watch the door while you two…erm…discuss things. ---
**Author:** ![Feelyat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3be4f8/32.png) [@Feelyat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feelyat)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/212 "2000-08-08T03:23:50Z")
Do villains get groupies? ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/213 "2000-08-08T03:49:12Z")
Well, dogsbody, I suppose it _did_ constitute a plan of sorts…maybe you just covered it up. And making the piles neat _is_ cleaning up in my book. It’s more than I ever do, anyway… Oh, and here’s a ring of polymorph control to go with that wand, so you don’t accidentally turn them into something dangerous. When in doubt, go for the “slime mold” setting. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/214 "2000-08-08T04:05:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Feelyat \* > \*\*Do villains get groupies? \*\* Well, Balance gets me. Do I count as a groupie, hon? _smiles_ ---
**Author:** ![Balance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/215 "2000-08-08T04:11:02Z")
If you want to be a groupie, Falc, you’ve got it. I’m not one for formal titles (though “Mistress of the Dark Lord” might suit you 😉 ), so you can call yourself anything you like when you stick with me. ---
**Author:** ![Falcon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/49beb7/32.png) [@Falcon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Falcon)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/216 "2000-08-08T04:14:31Z")
_blushes, then laughs_ Nah, I think I like “Mistress of the Dark Lord.” Now then…I don’t believe you were finished apologizing to me? 🙂 And damn…your tricks must have worked (of course), APB and company haven’t bothered us for a while… ---
**Author:** ![steeljaw](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aca169/32.png) [@steeljaw](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steeljaw)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/217 "2000-08-08T04:16:09Z")
Alright, I’ve decided to join the EVO. :if you’re a superhero whip out your secret decoder ring and read the next few lines: _psst, read it backwards_ .sworbeye htiw xednaps ni mrowepat tnaig a ekil fo tros. nihtiw morf meht etalihnna neht dna sknar rieht etartlifni nac I os gninoj ekaf tsuj m’I. gninioj yllaer ton m’I ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/218 "2000-08-08T04:25:53Z")
> [@](#): > > _steeljaw said (backwards)_ > Sort of like a giant tapeworm with eyebrows Um. That’s a very vivid image, there, son. Yecch. However, you’re not **my** problem, so you just run along and continue to distract APB & Co whilst Balance & Falcon make…amends. Besides, didn’t you notice what they did to the Crimson Tapeworm? Sheesh, no-one pays attention anymore… ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/219 "2000-08-08T04:27:53Z")
Oops, sorry. That quote should be: > [@](#): > > Sort of like a giant tapeworm in spandex with eyebrows And what _I’d_ like to know is, do you have eyebrows or does your spandex? ---
**Author:** ![inoci](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/50afbb/32.png) [@inoci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inoci)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2000, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496/220 "2000-08-08T13:34:21Z")
Those good guys just don’t know good crypto… Ok people, don’t let steeljaw know we’re onto him, the way things stand now we can use him as bait. anywho, here’s the latest mission report: ## MISSION REPORT -from what remains of Antarctica- My experiment in Antarctica was a failure, though not a total one. The meddling of those heroes prevented the penguin phase from taking place. This depressed me, but I finally remembered that hte penguins were a decoy, and that the actual goal of the project was completed. I was able to shatter the Ross Ice Shelf, and I have place guidance devices on all the resulting bergs. We now have a new armada of cold death. This should prove useful. So far I’ve been able to sink twelve of the puny mortal cruisers sent to stop me. I did lose an awful lot of zombie-droids, but I’m learning to cope with that. In the past twelve hours my legions have been busy carving weapon mounts into the ice, and several of my more artistic oriented zombie-droids have been making the tips of the bergs look pretty. So I’ve just activated the cloaking devices and spells that will cover our approach the the secret target. Anyone know what that is? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evil-villains-organization/27496.md?page=12)