# Evolution sucks!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 22, 2006, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706 "2006-05-22T03:22:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/21 "2006-05-22T12:21:37Z")
[QUOTE=Der Trihs] Well, I want to be immortal, have an IQ of 500, full spectrum vision, organically generated carbon tubule muscles, monocrystalline diamond/titanium composite bones, **chameleonic skin** , an enhanced immune system, and laser eyes. C’mon, evolution. I’m _waiting_ . . . [/QUOTE] Some of us are naturally gifted. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/22 "2006-05-22T13:08:20Z")
[QUOTE=caveat\_lector] Ok, this is a total slam on evolution. One day, man won’t have to shave (I presume). I mean, I’m not a naval officer and I wear cold weather clothes when needed. Why do I need to shave every day?!? [/QUOTE] “Oh, boo fucking hoo. I have too much hair.” Can someone clue me in as to the evolutionary advantage of male pattern baldness? ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 1:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/23 "2006-05-22T13:29:00Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Can someone clue me in as to the evolutionary advantage of male pattern baldness? [/QUOTE] It’s just the first step in the development of our awesome mental powerz, which will of course require gigantic, bulbous, _bald_ heads. duh. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/24 "2006-05-22T13:34:59Z")
[QUOTE=Lightray] It’s just the first step in the development of our awesome mental powerz, which will of course require gigantic, bulbous, _bald_ heads. duh. 😉 [/QUOTE] I’m sending you a telepathic message as we speak. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/25 "2006-05-22T13:38:57Z")
[QUOTE=Monty] Well, in the past US Naval officers were permitted beards. Today, however, they’re not unless they have a medical exemption. [/QUOTE] January 1st. 1985 they went bye-bye. And it wasn’t just for officers, either. Me, I’d be happy if I could get some wings. Flying has got to be easier than driving to work aropund here lately. ---
**Author:** ![PoorYorick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecccb3/32.png) [@PoorYorick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoorYorick)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/26 "2006-05-22T14:22:02Z")
Someone asked Isaac Asimov what he would change about women if he could. His first response was, “Move the breasts to the back to make dancing more fun.” Only he could get away with saying that . . . ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/27 "2006-05-22T14:38:25Z")
[QUOTE=Case Sensitive] How about for religious reasons, for example Sikhs? [/QUOTE] Nope. AFAIK, we no longer have Sikhs serving in our Armed Forces. We did, though, have at least one serving back in 1983~1984. He was a student at DLI the same time I was. At that time, the US Army permitted Sikhs to wear beards and turbans. ---
**Author:** ![Firebringer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f04885/32.png) [@Firebringer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Firebringer)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/28 "2006-05-22T14:52:53Z")
Evolutionary Wish List See in the dark Breath underwater (and above) Wings to fly (Angel like) Thicker beard ---
**Author:** ![robby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robby/32/11048_2.png) [@robby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robby)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/29 "2006-05-22T14:56:40Z")
[QUOTE=caveat\_lector] Ok, this is a total slam on evolution. One day, man won’t have to shave (I presume). [/QUOTE] I know this isn’t GQ, but why do you presume this? Unless having a beard is detrimental to reproductive success, there is no selection pressure for human males to lose facial hair. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/30 "2006-05-22T15:09:07Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I’m sending you a telepathic message as we speak. [/QUOTE] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/31 "2006-05-22T15:21:24Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I’m sending you a telepathic message as we speak. [/QUOTE] If you’re sending a telepathic message… why _speak_? If I could ask for a few quick evolutionary bonuses, I think I’d go for: An immune system that’s better at detecting and killing pre-cancerous and cancerous cells. Cartilage that’s better at repairing itself when injured. While we’re at it, nerve cells that can regenerate properly when injured. Universal ability for both females and males to have multiple orgasms. > [@robby](#): > > Unless having a beard is detrimental to reproductive success, there is no selection pressure for human males to lose facial hair. As far as this woman’s concerned, having a beard _improves_ a male’s chances at reproductive success. I keep a constant selection pressure on my man to keep his face all sexy and fuzzy. Three cheers for secondary sex characteristics! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/32 "2006-05-22T15:33:41Z")
[QUOTE=Lightray] 😃 [/QUOTE] :eek: You didn’t have think that! ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/33 "2006-05-22T15:36:13Z")
[QUOTE=Antigen] If you’re sending a telepathic message… why _speak_? [/QUOTE] Hmm… (Scratching my well-groomed beard as I consider the question.) Dammit, **Lightray** , I can answer on my own! It’s like when someone sends you an e-mail, and then calls you to tell you they sent you an e-mail. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/34 "2006-05-22T15:46:08Z")
[QUOTE=Firebringer] Evolutionary Wish List See in the dark Breath underwater (and above) Wings to fly (Angel like) Thicker beard [/QUOTE] Hmm… You want to become a beardy, flying ninja penguin? I knew science was in trouble when kids started watching Pokémon “evolve”. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/35 "2006-05-22T16:01:05Z")
Watching this thread evolve its way out of the slime of the Pit into the clean air of MPSIMS would have made Darwin proud. ---
**Author:** ![davenportavenger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@davenportavenger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davenportavenger)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/36 "2006-05-22T16:04:29Z")
[QUOTE=Monty] Well, in the past US Naval officers were permitted beards. Today, however, they’re not unless they have a medical exemption. [/QUOTE] What kind of medical condition would force compulsory beardage? Inquiring minds want to know. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/37 "2006-05-22T16:05:29Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] I’m sending you a telepathic message as we speak. [/QUOTE] > [@telepathy](#): > > This telepathic message is for the sole use of the intended > recipient(s) and may contain confidential and privileged information. > Any unauthorized review, use, disclosure or distribution of this > telepathic message is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, please > destroy all paper and electronic copies of the original message. Sorry, it came to me by mistake! ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/38 "2006-05-22T16:12:20Z")
[QUOTE=caveat\_lector] I mean come on, razors are EXPENSIVE! Have you seen the price of a four pack of Mach 3’s recently? Even at Costco where I buy in bulk I am paying out the wazoo! [/QUOTE] May I suggest Gillette Good News disposables? You can buy a 12 pack for about $7.50. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/39 "2006-05-22T16:12:47Z")
[QUOTE=davenportavenger] What kind of medical condition would force compulsory beardage? Inquiring minds want to know. [/QUOTE] \< Guess \> Something that makes the chin too sensitive ? A facial wound perhaps ? A skin condition ? \< Guess \> ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706/40 "2006-05-22T16:20:41Z")
I would settle for a prehensile dong. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/evolution-sucks/357706.md?page=3)