# Ewes sluts.

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Created:** [August 26, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145 "2001-08-26T02:21:48Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 5

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/81 "2001-08-30T23:06:18Z")

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Hot dogs? Beer? I smell a market…

\<runs out of door, comes back in wearing an apron and pushing a cart\>

Haht-DAHGS! Getcher Haht-DAHGS 'ere! Coooold Brewskies! Pea-NUTS! Pahp-CORN! Soda! Haht-DAHGS!

And no, you don’t want to know how much it all costs. You’d better just give me everything in your wallets and the deeds to your houses.

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**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\
**Post date:** [August 30, 2001, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/82 "2001-08-30T23:23:47Z")

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Whoa. This is kinda strange.

[sub]I don’t have anything to say, just wanted e-mail notification.[/sub]

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**Author:** ![upperdeckfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/65b543/32.png) [@upperdeckfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/upperdeckfan)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/83 "2001-08-31T01:03:42Z")

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Scylla, babe, it’s time you and I did lunch and talked…MARKETING…I mean the real deal…action figures, play station games, fast food tie-ins, chain restaurants, prequels, sequels, lunch boxes…I’m talking about the whole shebang.

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**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/84 "2001-08-31T01:08:24Z")

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**Jester!** Can I get a sausage inna bun? I nearly have the loan application for it filled out!

Only 48 payments, and the hot dog is all mine…

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**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/85 "2001-08-31T01:51:49Z")

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\<bursting in with a cart\>

bah! don’t pay obscenely inflated prices for those MEDIOCRE hotdogs and “regional specialties”!

I, through special import licence, have ALL of “Cut Me Own Throat” Dibbler’s items, and also those of all his many relatives, including “commit seppuku repeatedly” dibla-san, and the ever elusive, “disembowel myself horribly” Dib-Hun!

and, today only, $5.95 for ANY ITEM I HAVE!

come and gettem while they’re hot! just name it, and you get it!

[sub]hehehheheheh… hows THAT for undercutting prices, **Jester**?  
and man, don’t try to bust up my cart; i’ve got a flamethrower…[/sub]

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/86 "2001-08-31T01:55:39Z")

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Flamethrower, eh? You’ve obviously underestimated the power of corporate contracts. Boys?

\<Squads of Oscar Meyer[sup]tm[/sup] shocktroopers break into the theatre, smash **saepiroth’s** cart, set it on fire, tie him up and carry him out for “Reprogramming”\>

Some people just never learn. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have customers to attend to.

(I’m so baaaaaaaaaaaad)

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**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/87 "2001-08-31T02:05:26Z")

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grahhh!

ung…  
i’ll get you, you ^%(_^&(_)!!!

I’ll GET YOOOOOOooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu…

\< **Saepiroth** dissapears into an unmarked white van, which races off to parts unknown.  
in the background, the kerosene on the cart touches off, sending up a huge and impressive fireball. the napalm for the 'thrower explodes, spraying the “ewes sluts” theater and everyone in it with copious amounts of flaming gasoline jelly\>

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**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/88 "2001-08-31T02:13:33Z")

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Thanks everybody. I’m glad you like it so far.

Now all you need to do is sign in on my secure server, and subscribe to the rest of the story.

It’s only $9.99, and if you act now you’ll receive a free Ewes Sluts Coffee Mug!

You’ll get:

**INCEST!!  
HOT ANIMAL SEX!!  
CHEATING WIVES!!  
A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS SEQUENCE!  
A POEM!!  
A DREAM SEQUENCE!!  
TOO MUCH MORE TO LIST HERE!!**  
So click my link now!  
[http://www.EWESSLUTSMONEYFORMEYASUCKERS](http://www.EWESSLUTSMONEYFORMEYASUCKERS)!.COM

(Long day today, wasn’t able to jog and figure out what happened next. Tomorow is a long jog day though, so hopefully I’ll have a lot.)

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/89 "2001-08-31T02:47:31Z")

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You’re a man after me own 'eart, **Scylla**.

Oh, and before my little business hijacks this thread any more, I’d just like to say…

We’ve gone [franchise](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=83744)! Stop on in and take a load off!

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**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/90 "2001-08-31T02:48:36Z")

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Hm. Let’s try that link [again](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=84658).

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**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/91 "2001-08-31T02:54:17Z")

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Well, tonight’s episode SUCKED.

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**Author:** ![saepiroth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5ac83/32.png) [@saepiroth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saepiroth)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/92 "2001-08-31T03:14:15Z")

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i just have to say;

that was INCREDIBLY profound!

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**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/93 "2001-08-31T03:36:08Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by katiekilldare \*  
> \*\*Well, tonight’s episode SUCKED. \*\*

Yeah, the writing on this series has really gone down hill since yesterday. I remember the first day, wow, that was great.

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**Author:** ![katiekilldare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/838e76/32.png) [@katiekilldare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/katiekilldare)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/94 "2001-08-31T03:40:02Z")

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Exactly!  
New, promising, characters were introduced, there was a change in scenery… And now what? Commercials.

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**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 9:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/95 "2001-08-31T09:13:53Z")

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…and then the farmer shouted “Hey! Clown! Get off of my ewe!”

> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by upperdeckfan \*  
> **I fear they’re going to make him do the dance of the provocative ewes…**

You mean the Dance of the Seven Veals.

> [@](#):
>
> _Originally posted by Grandfather Trout_  
> **I am living in fear of the horrible pun that awaits us all at the end of this story. (Assuming it ends someday.)**

What – worse than those?

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**Author:** ![UncleBill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d26b3c/32.png) [@UncleBill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBill)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/96 "2001-08-31T13:31:22Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by saepiroth \*  
> \*\*the napalm for the 'thrower explodes, spraying the “ewes sluts” theater and everyone in it with copious amounts of flaming gasoline jelly \*\*

FINALLY I get a seat!

::brushes off the ashes that had once been Dopers::

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**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/97 "2001-08-31T14:02:33Z")

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…

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/98 "2001-08-31T14:04:20Z")

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hehe, just wanted to make a long thread longer.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh…

_trails off as infuriated dopers start tying me on a rail_

no, not the tar and feathers, anything but the feathers, stoppit, stoppit, AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

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**Author:** ![rundogrun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5daacb/32.png) [@rundogrun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rundogrun)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/99 "2001-08-31T16:22:45Z")

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Say **Jester** in anticipation of this story continuing, I wouldn’t mind a little snack…

Got any lamb chops?

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**Author:** ![Sealemon88](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c68b51/32.png) [@Sealemon88](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sealemon88)\
**Post date:** [August 31, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/100 "2001-08-31T16:53:46Z")

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So I guess we have to wait ONE MORE DAY to find out the answer to our burning questions:

Eye Sluts: wool he or won’t he?

Is the rumor that Michale Jackson will cameo with a stiring rendition of “Bleat It” true or not?

I guess we’ll just have to flock here tomorrow. ☹

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