# Ewes sluts. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 26, 2001, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145 "2001-08-26T02:21:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Paul\_The\_Younger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d9b06d/32.png) [@Paul\_The\_Younger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_The_Younger)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/121 "2001-09-04T18:12:30Z")
You were in Hell?!? Well, small world, I drove by there on my way to Stockbridge.\* CAUTION: Obscure Michigan geographical reference. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/122 "2001-09-04T19:35:44Z")
I didn’t realize that even **Scylla** was this demented. When he bought the farm, he _really_ bought the farm. As it were. ---
**Author:** ![Cleophus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a88e57/32.png) [@Cleophus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cleophus)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2001, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/123 "2001-09-04T20:08:13Z")
I’d like to know how Scylla came up with the idea of milking machine-assisted masturbation. Are you speaking from experience here? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/124 "2001-09-05T02:44:35Z")
A transcendant wave of ecstasy washed over me as the switch was flipped, and unspeakably delightful sensations washed across my nether regions. A moment later Sirzee flipped the switch off, and I almost wept with the loss of ecstasy. Rafe pulled the cigarette from my mouth and inhaled contemplatively. “My turn now, OK Sirz?” Sirzee sighed, “Now Rafe, you know what the Dr. said. You never turn the thing off in time, and you end up rupturing something. Each time the Doc fixes it, it ends up a little shorter. There ain’t hardly nothing more than a berry now as it is.” “I guess you’re right.” “More. Please more!” I begged uncontrollably. “Just tell us why you came spying on us here, and I’ll give you all you want.” “Sheep!” I bleated. “I came for help. Oh God, I want to have sex with sheep. Please. There. I said it. Turn it back on Please. Please. Bahhhhhhh! Bahhhhh! Oh come on. Give it to me you wooly slut! Hit the switch. Bahhhh!” “You came here to rape Sheep?” asked Rafe, confused. “You’re sick, Hamish. Even I don’t do that. If they ain’t consentin’ sheep, it just ain’t right.” “I don’t think he’s making much sense, Rafe,” said Sirzee, cracking another mint. "Let’s take this thing off his dingus, get his pants on and see what he’s talking about. I don’t feel right doing this to a crazy man. I wept openly as they removed the plastic tube of ecstasy and pulled my pants up. A couple of swigs from the flask they found on me fortified me enough to speak though. Sirzee’s gentle but wily reassurance had me finally confess the whole episode, while Rafe kept me calm with his wonderful home-rolled cigarettes. Soon I had confided everything as if they were old and trusted friends. We drank and smoked some more. Rafe and Sirzee, proved friendly and sympathetic after our initial encounter. Rafe seemed to be of the opinion that I should just have sex with a couple of sheep, and I’d probably get over it. Sirzee seemed upset and somehow placed the blame upon my innocent betrothed. “But how could you blame her? She’s so pure and innocent and perfect.” “That’s the problem. She needs a good talking to on how to keep her man happy. Something ain’t right if she’s got you turning to Sheep. That’s for sure.” “Hey I got an idea!” Rafe interjected. “Why don’t we all come over for dinner at your place? That way we can look over the situation, maybe help you out. Do some investigating.” “That’s an exellent idea. When shall we…” Just then the door burst open. A grizzled old man in dirty jeans jumped in holding a shotgun. “Dammit, I knew I heard something!” He yelled. “I thought I told you boys to stay away from my daughter. Now you’re gonna die.” Rafe grabbed the milking machine and with ungodly strength born of desperation hurled it at the intruder as Sirzee screamed. The man pulled the trigger, the machine exploded, and I was knocked unconscious by flying debris ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/125 "2001-09-05T03:09:21Z")
…and that’s when you woke up and realized it was all a dream? Or is that when one of the sheep pulled off its mask and said, “and I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!”\* \*trying to go full circle to **Goat Porn** ---
**Author:** ![Whammo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8dc957/32.png) [@Whammo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whammo)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/126 "2001-09-05T04:08:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miss Creant \* > \*\*\*trying to go full circle to **Goat Porn** \*\* YEAH!! and then the goat looked down at his engorged member and spewed all over his own face, then raped and killed a chicken! Go Scylla, Go Scylla!!! Its your beastialbirthday, Its your beastialbirthday!! **dances** ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/127 "2001-09-05T07:54:38Z")
OMG, he SHOT to PIECES the MILKING MACHINE OF CARNAL PLEASURE!!! i pity you, scylla. i really do. _BURRRRRP_ pass the popcorn, please. What, no more? fine… **OI! POPCORN GUY! HEY, OVER HERE!** I want some popcorn! [sub]and my friend over there is paying for it[/sub]! _grabs popcorn and runs before the poor guy knew what hit him_ Oh, S—! _runs back, only to find seat taken_ f—! ---
**Author:** ![upperdeckfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/65b543/32.png) [@upperdeckfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/upperdeckfan)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2001, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/128 "2001-09-05T23:15:01Z")
“…AND…CUT!!..SCRIPT DOCTOR!!!” ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/129 "2001-09-06T02:33:34Z")
When you’re done, will this be available on one of those porn story sites? Not that I know anything about such things… ---
**Author:** ![MIKE\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@MIKE\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MIKE_P)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/130 "2001-09-06T02:41:18Z")
You should post this at [http://www.fanfiction.net](http://www.fanfiction.net) ---
**Author:** ![Ice\_Wolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/dfb087/32.png) [@Ice\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ice_Wolf)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/131 "2001-09-06T18:56:02Z")
A _bump_ in hopes of more. ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/132 "2001-09-06T22:42:19Z")
I think he’s _milked it_ for all it’s worth… ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/133 "2001-09-07T01:44:29Z")
My plans were to write one part a day without fail until it was finished. This week though my office is being audited, and I just got home. Again, my apologies. More to come soon. I promise. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/134 "2001-09-07T01:54:11Z")
> [@](#): > > This week though my office is being audited Man, I hope its not the IRS and you don’t get sheared by them if it is! [sub]Sorry, sorry, but I had to get that in before anyone else did!/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/135 "2001-09-07T02:46:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > This week though my office is being audited > > Man, I hope its not the IRS and you don’t get sheared by them if it is! > > \*\* [John Cleese] Oh shut up. [/John Cleese] **begins pelting Tuckerfan with the inedible Reagan-era candy he found in the theater’s broken basement vending machine.** ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/136 "2001-09-07T09:42:27Z")
_joins **Michael** in pelting **Tuckerfan** _ hey, i recognize a bad joke when i see one. ---
**Author:** ![BunnyGirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@BunnyGirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BunnyGirl)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/137 "2001-09-07T13:38:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paul The Younger \* > \*_You were in Hell?!? Well, small world, I drove by there on my way to Stockbridge._ > > CAUTION: Obscure Michigan geographical reference. \*\* Shoot, **Paul** , I always thought it was Shaftsburg that was Hell. And **KP235** , “love mutton”? Bwhaahahaah! :Chortle: Funny! ---
**Author:** ![tradesilicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/439d5e/32.png) [@tradesilicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tradesilicon)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2001, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/138 "2001-09-07T22:26:24Z")
> [@](#): > > **More** to come soon. I promise. I don’t know who this “More” character is, but **somebody** better come soon, or there’ll be hell to pay! ---
**Author:** ![Cougarfang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c67d28/32.png) [@Cougarfang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cougarfang)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2001, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/139 "2001-09-09T10:55:11Z")
_jumps up and down screaming_ **SCYLLAAAAAAAAAAA!!!** cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon POST!!! _runs around hysterically in a frenzy of curiosity_ POST POST POST POST POST!!! ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [September 10, 2001, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ewes-sluts/78145/140 "2001-09-10T16:23:11Z")
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