# Ex-boyfriend taking back a gift; what should I do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2012, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297 "2012-08-22T19:00:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/81 "2012-08-23T03:19:08Z")
Since you’re looking for advice, I’ll move this to our advice forum, IMHO. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/82 "2012-08-23T05:18:25Z")
The someone that you took- did they pay you for their ticket? Or did you give it to them? I’m confused, sorry. If they paid you, why not just give the ex the money? I think that since you broke off the relationship, you lost the “gift”. Further, you promised to pay him for it. You are the one looking bad in this situation, IMO. You don’t mention if the “someone” was a friend or another date. If another date, it seems more reason for you to pay the $100 you owe. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/83 "2012-08-23T05:24:13Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Spending $700 combined on gifts after three months is what seems crazy to me! Me too - after three months I’d be spending about $30 on a gift, not $300, but that’s just me. > [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > I definitely should have said that. My thinking at the time was, I felt really bad for him and was trying to do him a favor. I totally could have gotten the tickets cheaper if I had bought them on my own. I made a huge mistake making that agreement. > > However, I do recognize that I made the agreement and I think I will go ahead and give him the money. I think he’s a tacky cheap vengeful person, but I am trying to take the high road. I am a bit on then fence because I think I got a really raw deal, but I should have said something at the beginning. My bad. Glad to hear it. My take on it too is a deal’s a deal, and you made a deal with him that you haven’t fulfilled yet. I’m not sure why people are casting your ex as a terrible person - he just sounds like someone who wants you to uphold the deal you made with him. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/84 "2012-08-23T14:25:04Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > But just out a curiosity, what group is worth $400 for tickets? Roger Waters: The Wall. I’m a huge Pink Floyd fan. ---
**Author:** ![GrandWino](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grandwino/32/67_2.png) [@GrandWino](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrandWino)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/85 "2012-08-23T14:46:02Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Roger Waters: The Wall. I’m a huge Pink Floyd fan. Money, it’s a crime Share it fairly But don’t take a slice of my pie ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/86 "2012-08-23T15:04:57Z")
Personally, I don’t think the ex did anything wrong. If I broke up with someone, and they had tickets to some event they promised to take me to in the future, I would consider those tickets gone. I would just get tickets to the event myself, and not deal with the drama of buying it from them or anything. In this case, I do think you owe him the $100. ---
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/87 "2012-08-23T15:20:52Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Roger Waters: The Wall. I’m a huge Pink Floyd fan. Damn. I paid $760 for mine. Purchased as a gift, interestingly enough. Of course 50% of that gift was for ME 😃 [Photo I took of Roger.](http://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/164801_178574832174369_4487272_n.jpg) I’d say $400 was a bargain. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/88 "2012-08-23T15:50:34Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Oh I am definitely over him. I broke up with him because I wasn’t feeling it for him. I have no feelings for him, although I would have liked to remain friends. > > Agreed… one ticket was mine, and I paid him $300 for the other one. I’m hesitant about sending him the $100 because (1) the principle of it; (2) he’s being an ass about it; and (3) money is tight. > > Yes it may be worth the $100 to stay on the high ground. Although $100 is kind of a lot for me, money is tight. And I’m already out $300 for the hockey tickets, and $300 that I paid him for the concert tickets. Money can’t be that tight that you would want a petty loser like this as a friend. You leave the ranks of Petty Loserdom by paying him his $100 and never thinking about him again. ---
**Author:** ![fjs1fs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@fjs1fs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fjs1fs)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/89 "2012-08-23T15:55:18Z")
I just saw that it was tickets to The Wall. I saw the Yankee Stadium show. Truly Awesome!!! And I’ll reiterate what was stated upthread–well worth the $400 (plus exiting my invented town of “Petty Loserdom!”) ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/90 "2012-08-23T16:11:05Z")
> [@pricciar](#): > > I’m not getting how the boyfriend was a dick or a vengeful cheapskate. You dumped him before he actually gave you the tickets. He decided he was going to sell the tickets, instead of going. He agrees to let you use one ticket and sell the other for him. You give him 200 bucks and he expects the rest of the money, after you sold the ticket. You give him 100 bucks and he is still expecting another 100. Where is he being a dick or vengeful in this situation? > > A vengeful move would have been for him to say no when you asked to buy the tickets from him. The fact is, if it is like a lot of concerts he could have gotten more than 200 for the tickets the closer to the date and he didn’t have a chance to do that since he sold the tickets to you. > A dick move would have been selling you the tickets, but at a higher price. > What he did was neutral. If he were nice he would have given the ticket he promised as a gift to you. If he were super beyond normal nice he would have given you your ticket, and his ticket as well. > > Maybe it would have been more polite for him to offer the ticket in the first place, or at least offer to sell it to her. But, not many people are up to being polite right after a breakup. They would rather not talk to the person who dumped them a lot of the time. > > Also, this has been mentioned, but deciding you can’t afford something after you have already agreed to purchase it doesn’t speak well of your character. I agree with this and I also would not consider the tickets to be mine unless they were in my physical possession (or under my name, in a way I can retrieve them, etc). Actually even if they were in my possession I would give them back. Also, if a guy I was dating for a few months said he would take me to something that was 7 months away, then I would be fully aware of the fact that we won’t be going to this event together if we don’t work out. If it were a can’t-miss event then I’d buy the ticktets myself, and say something like “oh you don’t need to do that…” if he brings up giving it to me as a gift. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/91 "2012-08-23T17:37:56Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > But he never gave the gift to her. Be bought something with the intent to give it to her. They broke up before that happened. I think the intent should count. If not for some physical limitations, she’d have the tickets in her hand on the day he bought them, so rightfully they’re hers ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/92 "2012-08-23T19:27:51Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I think the intent should count. If not for some physical limitations, she’d have the tickets in her hand on the day he bought them, so rightfully they’re hers What physical limitations? I saw that he hadn’t printed them out, not that he couldn’t. Seems like he could have handed them (more likely it) to her that day if he had chosen to. If I bought tickets for me and my boyfriend (when I was single, back in the dark ages when you didn’t print your own tickets ) to go to an event, I would have held them until the event. If I bought him tickets to something (like a hockey game), that I wasn’t going to attend, then I would have handed him the tickets with instructions to take whoever he chose. I can’t help thinking that a certain amount of discussion is happening for no other reason than the tickets have been characterized as a birthday gift , and the ex-boyfriend “owes” the OP a birthday gift because she bought him tickets. Would people feel the same way if we were talking about teenagers and one party bought the prom tickets/rented the limo prior to the breakup? Or if the ex-boyfriend had bought the tickets three months after her birthday? Or if half of the engaged couple took someone else on the non-refundable honeymoon s/he paid for after the wedding was called off? You could say the same things about those situations, that the gift belonged to person B as soon as person A told them about the plans, but I don’t think most people would. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/93 "2012-08-23T19:29:07Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > I think the intent should count. If not for some physical limitations, she’d have the tickets in her hand on the day he bought them, so rightfully they’re hers I don’t think we’re going to wind up seeing eye-to-eye on this one, which is OK. I’m not sure what the physical limitations would have been, though. The OP said the ex-boyfriend had bought the tickets from a scalper, so he had them in hand. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/94 "2012-08-23T19:32:02Z")
> [@fjs1fs](#): > > I just saw that it was tickets to The Wall. I saw the Yankee Stadium show. Truly Awesome!!! And I’ll reiterate what was stated upthread–well worth the $400 (plus exiting my invented town of “Petty Loserdom!”) I saw the Washington DC show. Yes it was awesome, probably the only show I would spend that kind of money on! I also saw the show in 2010, so I have seen it twice. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/95 "2012-08-23T19:46:15Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > I can’t help thinking that a certain amount of discussion is happening for no other reason than the tickets have been characterized as a birthday gift , and the ex-boyfriend “owes” the OP a birthday gift because she bought him tickets. It’s not like that. I didn’t feel he “owed” me anything. It was that once he started getting petty and bitter and saying I owed him to take delivery of what was originally a gift, I said, OK, if you can act that way, so can I. It went like this: We break up. I offer to buy one of the tickets and sell the other. No problem, that is fair. He starts hounding me aggressively for the last $100. I start thinking, wait - wasn’t this a gift? I have no problem paying him for “his” ticket that he wasn’t going to use, but should I have to pay for both when they were given to me as a gift? He insists on taking his gift back and that I owe him. So I think, OK if you’re going to take your gift back, why can’t I take my gift back - the $300 hockey tickets. If he is going to play that way, so can I. But the whole problem hinges on the fact that he didn’t print the tickets and give them to me. Which in hindsight I should have wondered about. It’s actually kind of tacky for someone to give a gift but not actually physically give it, and to make it condition upon some future state of things. So he got me there. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/96 "2012-08-23T19:54:05Z")
You need to grow up. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/97 "2012-08-23T19:59:05Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > You need to grow up. Thanks for the advice **hajario**. Honestly I don’t see how it’s immature to feel like I am being treated poorly by someone demanding a gift back after I gave them a gift of almost equal value. At the end of the day I’m out a few hundred dollars over this whole thing, and yeah that pisses me off. He can take his gift back but I can’t? How is that fair? ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/98 "2012-08-23T20:03:27Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > It was that once he started getting petty and bitter and saying I owed him to take delivery of what was originally a gift, I said, OK, if you can act that way, so can I. If you haven’t taken delivery, it’s not yet a gift. > [@](#): > > We break up. > > I offer to buy one of the tickets and sell the other. No problem, that is fair. At this point it’s a business transaction. Nothing that happened before this point is relevant anymore. > [@](#): > > He starts hounding me aggressively for the last $100. > > I start thinking, wait - wasn’t this a gift? I have no problem paying him for “his” ticket that he wasn’t going to use, but should I have to pay for both when they were given to me as a gift? > > He insists on taking his gift back and that I owe him. > > So I think, OK if you’re going to take your gift back, why can’t I take my gift back - the $300 hockey tickets. If he is going to play that way, so can I. > > But the whole problem hinges on the fact that he didn’t print the tickets and give them to me. Which in hindsight I should have wondered about. It’s actually kind of tacky for someone to give a gift but not actually physically give it, and to make it condition upon some future state of things. So he got me there. All that stuff at the end is just fluff. It wasn’t a gift if he didn’t give you possession. Your gift to him is gone, and getting petty about it makes no difference. Once you agreed to pay him for the tickets you have no real options. Don’t try to weasel out of it because your feelings are hurt. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/99 "2012-08-23T20:03:41Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > Thanks for the advice **hajario**. > > Honestly I don’t see how it’s immature to feel like I am being treated poorly by someone demanding a gift back after I gave them a gift of almost equal value. At the end of the day I’m out a few hundred dollars over this whole thing, and yeah that pisses me off. He can take his gift back but I can’t? How is that fair? I already gave you advice a bunch of posts back. This > [@](#): > > So I think, OK if you’re going to take your gift back, why can’t I take my gift back - the $300 hockey tickets. If he is going to play that way, so can I. is an extremely immature attitude. If you can’t see that, I feel for you. As an aside, $400 for two good seats to The Wall if you are a PF fan is not a waste of money, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2012, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297/100 "2012-08-23T20:05:25Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > He can take his gift back but I can’t? How is that fair? Life’s not fair, a sad but inevitable realization. You wanted to go to the show an offered to pay him for the tickets he owned. They weren’t yours, stop acting like they were. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-boyfriend-taking-back-a-gift-what-should-i-do/632297.md?page=6)