# Ex Husband is a jerk **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 1, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445 "2012-03-01T14:47:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![purplelady666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@purplelady666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplelady666)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/1 "2012-03-01T14:47:18Z")
My ex husband is a jerk. It was his birthday this past Sunday and he didn’t take our daughter for his weekly visitation because he was “busy all day” for his birthday. What type of father doesn’t want to spend time with his daughter on their birthday? He cares more about his parents, sisters and friends then his own child- he constantly solidifies the reason i divorced him- he didn’t prioritize us when we were married so of-course after divorce he treats our daughter like this. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/2 "2012-03-01T14:52:32Z")
Interesting post. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/3 "2012-03-01T15:30:23Z")
Wait… an ex husband being a jerk? I have _got_ to open this thread! [sigh–nothing new here] Look, if you want to avoid the label of “Weak Pitting”, you need to dig up some really juicy dirt on the guy. We’ll wait. Seriously, though, we do feel for you – hope you get plenty of good times with your daughter to take the sting out of incidents like this. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/4 "2012-03-01T15:44:51Z")
_shrugs_ I’m sure the man has other unpleasant qualities, but wanting to take a day for oneself on one’s own birthday doesn’t seem obviously out of line to me. It would have been better if he’d planned this with you in advance, of course - maybe trading days or something. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/5 "2012-03-01T16:34:50Z")
> [@digs](#): > > . . . [/SIZE]Look, if you want to avoid the label of “Weak Pitting”, you need to dig up some really juicy dirt on the guy. We’ll wait. . . Or add creative swearing. This is a group that appreciates a well-turned phrase of invective. Or is that invective phrase? He does sound sub-optimal. There’s an ongoing mini-rant thread if you don’t want to get more worked up. Situations don’t have to be unimportant to go there. They can go there because they’re important, but mostly under control. As in, for instance, you sound like you’re annoyed, but otherwise completely on top of this. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/6 "2012-03-01T16:35:33Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > _shrugs_ I’m sure the man has other unpleasant qualities, but wanting to take a day for oneself on one’s own birthday doesn’t seem obviously out of line to me. It would have been better if he’d planned this with you in advance, of course - maybe trading days or something. What, a day off from his rigorous and self-sacrificing schedule of weekend visits? ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/7 "2012-03-01T16:37:34Z")
Well in all fairness, it’s his birthday, not hers. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/8 "2012-03-01T16:47:30Z")
With 666 in the OPs username, I’ve got to think there’s much more to this story than has been posted so far. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/9 "2012-03-01T16:58:23Z")
If you are over the age of 12 or so, you ought to be mature enough to realize your birthday is not a national holiday. If he absolutely needs an adult celebration, why not do it Friday or Saturday night? Sounds to me like a really weak excuse to no spend quality time with his kid. But what can you do? If he’s selfish and immature, there isn’t much you can do to change that. Love your kid, cherish your time together, and feel a bit sorry that he doesnt know what he’s missing. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/10 "2012-03-01T17:14:28Z")
Welcome to the SDMB, **purplelady666**! We hope you like it here! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/11 "2012-03-01T17:20:52Z")
You should have realized before you married him when he could never see you on his birthday. He’s just like that. ---
**Author:** ![Great\_Antibob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Great\_Antibob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Great_Antibob)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/12 "2012-03-01T17:24:38Z")
So, your first and only post (so far) is to put up a passive aggressive hissy fit complaining about the latest national emergency created by your ex-husband. Actually, I’m doing hissy fits severe injustice by elevating the OP to that status. How about you grow a spine or complain to somebody else? I’m guessing anybody else who used to be willing to listen got tired of your passive aggressive “woe-is-me” bullshit about every minor little situation that nobody else on the planet cares about. You’re not looking to rant. You’re looking for sympathy. Well, fine. I’m sorry your ex-husband is a jerk. I’m even more sorry for us - that this leads you to believe your common-as-dirt family situation entitles you to a captive internet audience about the mundane fucking details about your tedious life. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/13 "2012-03-01T17:28:12Z")
The OP does not provide enough information for us to be able to judge him. I’d say there’s at least a 50% chance I’d take his side, considering the commentary of the OP. But without his POV, it’s really impossible to make a determination on whether he’s really a jerk (with respect to the Sunday visit). ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/14 "2012-03-01T17:52:30Z")
> [@purplelady666](#): > > … What type of father doesn’t want to spend time with his daughter on their birthday?.. The kind you made a child with, apparently. ---
**Author:** ![Shark\_Sandwich](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Shark\_Sandwich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shark_Sandwich)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/15 "2012-03-01T18:35:48Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > With 666 in the OPs username, I’ve got to think there’s much more to this story than has been posted so far. purplelady001 thru purplelady665 were already taken? “Username, username. What would be a good username? Ah-HA!” _types “purplelady001”_ “Crap.” _types “purplelady002”_ “CRAP!” … ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/16 "2012-03-01T18:40:09Z")
> [@purplelady666](#): > > What type of father doesn’t want to spend time with his daughter on their birthday? > > He cares more about his parents, sisters and friends then his own child- he constantly solidifies the reason i divorced him- he didn’t prioritize us when we were married so of-course after divorce he treats our daughter like this. One that wants to have a good time and celebrate, not watch a brat, which is definitely something he should be allowed to do on his birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/17 "2012-03-01T18:40:59Z")
> [@Great\_Antibob](#): > > So, your first and only post (so far) is to put up a passive aggressive hissy fit complaining about the latest national emergency created by your ex-husband. > > Actually, I’m doing hissy fits severe injustice by elevating the OP to that status. > > How about you grow a spine or complain to somebody else? I’m guessing anybody else who used to be willing to listen got tired of your passive aggressive “woe-is-me” bullshit about every minor little situation that nobody else on the planet cares about. > > You’re not looking to rant. You’re looking for sympathy. Well, fine. I’m sorry your ex-husband is a jerk. I’m even more sorry for us - that this leads you to believe your common-as-dirt family situation entitles you to a captive internet audience about the mundane fucking details about your tedious life. Excellent counter-battery fire. Well done. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/18 "2012-03-01T18:42:20Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > If you are over the age of 12 or so, you ought to be mature enough to realize your birthday is not a national holiday. If he absolutely needs an adult celebration, why not do it Friday or Saturday night? > > Sounds to me like a really weak excuse to no spend quality time with his kid. But what can you do? If he’s selfish and immature, there isn’t much you can do to change that. Love your kid, cherish your time together, and feel a bit sorry that he doesnt know what he’s missing. Because the kid should learn that adults have a right to their private time also and that they (children) are not the center of adults’ world or deserving of all the attention of their caregivers. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/19 "2012-03-01T18:49:40Z")
I’m just curious, **purplelady** …who has the kid when it’s _her_ birthday? ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445/20 "2012-03-01T19:05:00Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > If you are over the age of 12 or so, you ought to be mature enough to realize your birthday is not a national holiday. Rarely have 25 truer words been written. [QUOTE=ZPG Zealot] Because the kid should learn that adults have a right to their private time also and that they (children) are not the center of adults’ world or deserving of all the attention of their caregivers. [/QUOTE] Rarely have (however many) dumber, more obviously-didn’t-read-the-OP words been written. Don’t you have someone to fleece out of “fortune telling” money or an adopted child to kick? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ex-husband-is-a-jerk/614445.md?page=2)