# Exactly where do I live? The heck you say! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 15, 2019, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893 "2019-12-15T15:03:24Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/1 "2019-12-15T15:03:24Z")
My garden kale got eaten by wildlife. Grrr! Mr.Wrekker told me of a guy who had it for sale. He gave me directions to the guys house. The lil’wrekker and I are out and about so we endeavor to find this guy and buy a hunk o’ kale. It’s down a long lonely track, not a road, a trail. Rutted out in places. Bad! We finally see a shack. Really? People live in that? I blow the car horn and guy comes around the house. I ask him if he has kale for sale. “Yes’m” he says. And he walks off toward a garden patch. I’m just standing there like an idiot. I look to my left and old old woman is coming out of what presumably is an out house. Wth? She walks up to me. Holy moly, she smells. Horrifying. She says “$3” I give her a $5. Guy comes back with a bale of kale for sale (heh!) He sez “$3” I told him I gave it to his Mother. He sez “that’s not my Mother, it’s my baby Sister” Oh. Wth? She looked about 100yo. He must be 110yo. I was expecting fiddles and bangos to start dueling any minute. The lil’wrekker wants to leave, “Right now, Mom!” Deliverance, WOW! Dang it! forgot my $2 in change. Ain’t going back. Nope. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/2 "2019-12-15T15:14:53Z")
Aw don’t let first impressions drive you away, stench notwithstanding they appeared to expect what you wanted and delivered it without trouble. These folks are subsisting on next nothing and you got a bale of kale for cheap. Might they also have onions, beets, chard or spinach? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/3 "2019-12-15T15:18:53Z")
He had a nice patch of collard greens. I’m tired of spinach. That’s pretty much all I have left in my garden. ---
**Author:** ![steatopygia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steatopygia/32/3132_2.png) [@steatopygia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steatopygia)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/4 "2019-12-15T16:29:35Z")
When I attempt the banjo, it sounds much more like the bango. 🙂 Aren’t you\* from\* rural Arkansas? Can’t be your first time meeting someone like that. We have similar here. It is usually one of two things. No water which makes everything hard, or getting to that stage where you are too old to physically make it in your particular situation. Not picking on you, just sort of surprised you felt it unusual enough to write about. ETA I thought the OP was going to be about the vagaries of rural directions. “Turn onto the good dirt road and go a spell, then take a left at the mud puddle where everyone gets stuck.” ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/5 "2019-12-15T16:49:11Z")
And…now you know what the deer hunting camp smells like. Dennis ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/6 "2019-12-15T17:03:30Z")
Oh, trust me the directions were vague: Off Co.Rd.?? Turn right by the dead armadillo. Go about 1 mi. til you see a salt water pond. Down that road to the end. Was not a road. I promise. Mr.Wrekker likes to send me on these missions. He thinks he’s funny. You’re so right rural Arkansas is full of people like that. Doesn’t mean I wanna visit them. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/7 "2019-12-15T17:06:54Z")
> [@steatopygia](#): > > When I attempt the banjo, it sounds much more like the bango. 🙂 > > … I thought the OP was going to be about the vagaries of rural directions. “Turn onto the good dirt road and go a spell, then take a left at the mud puddle where everyone gets stuck.” Naw, directions are more like, “sorta lean left at the tree that got hit by lightnin’, and look close because the last hurricane washed out most a the road. Then make the second, not the first, 'cos you’ll end up in the bayoo, but the second right after the place where the house burned down. It’s easy, ever’body hereabout can find it.” I used to read and write deeds for a living. And you haven’t had enough fun in your life until you run across a deed with a legal description like that, and you MUST locate that property on a map! ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![Treppenwitz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treppenwitz/32/3445_2.png) [@Treppenwitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treppenwitz)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/8 "2019-12-15T17:09:31Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Oh, trust me the directions were vague: > Off Co.Rd.?? Turn right by the dead armadillo. Go about 1 mi. til you see a salt water pond… OK Beck, I’m out of my comfort zone. How do you tell that the pond is _salt_ water? j PS: And for that matter, _why_ is it salt water? ---
**Author:** ![steatopygia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steatopygia/32/3132_2.png) [@steatopygia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steatopygia)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/9 "2019-12-15T17:11:27Z")
My drivers license address used to say John Smith Off little Rd Ruralville Literally _off_ the nearest named road. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/10 "2019-12-15T17:15:13Z")
Sometimes it’s better to not know things like why the pond is brackish…trust me…it just is better to not know ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/11 "2019-12-15T17:37:12Z")
Brackish ponds are really black. Nothing grows close. Its because of oil drilling in these here parts. Black gold! Texas tea! ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/12 "2019-12-15T19:10:14Z")
> [@steatopygia](#): > > When I attempt the banjo, it sounds much more like the bango. 🙂 > > Aren’t you\* from\* rural Arkansas? Can’t be your first time meeting someone like that. We have similar here. It is usually one of two things. No water which makes everything hard, or getting to that stage where you are too old to physically make it in your particular situation. > > Not picking on you, just sort of surprised you felt it unusual enough to write about. > > ETA I thought the OP was going to be about the vagaries of rural directions. “Turn onto the good dirt road and go a spell, then take a left at the mud puddle where everyone gets stuck.” “Turn right at rock that look like bear, then left at bear that look like rock.” ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/13 "2019-12-15T19:27:46Z")
> [@Treppenwitz](#): > > OK Beck, I’m out of my comfort zone. How do you tell that the pond is _salt_ water? Salt water, very bad for grass. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/14 "2019-12-15T19:30:32Z")
I have a salt water pond on my property. Absolutely nothing grows there. We’ve had wild ducks land on it. They leave pretty quick and get on our other pond. ETA- I wish we had oil or natural gas. We own the mineral rights. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/15 "2019-12-15T19:57:39Z")
Next thing you know ol’ beck’s a millionaire. Straight Dope folks say “beck move away from there” “Californy is the place ya ourta be.” So I loaded up Menace and moved… I cannot go any further with this foolishness (:)) ---
**Author:** ![DPRK](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4491bb/32.png) [@DPRK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DPRK)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/16 "2019-12-15T20:11:41Z")
New York City is nice too (you’d better be at least a _multi_-millionaire though; you’ll be dropping a cool million just for an average apartment) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/17 "2019-12-15T20:16:09Z")
Most likely I’ll stay right where I am. ---
**Author:** ![VOW](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/vow/32/3043_2.png) [@VOW](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VOW)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/18 "2019-12-15T21:23:57Z")
Arizonie is nice! 😃 ~VOW ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/19 "2019-12-15T21:35:59Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Next thing you know ol’ beck’s a millionaire. > Straight Dope folks say “beck move away from there” > “Californy is the place ya ourta be.” > So I loaded up Menace and moved… > > I cannot go any further with this foolishness (:)) And now you know where to find Granny. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2019, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893/20 "2019-12-15T22:46:19Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > And now you know where to find Granny. Now I’m picturing Beck in a rocking chair, riding around on the roof of her orange SUV. 😃 [![](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e7KgunXOI7A/UFS-IGz1l3I/AAAAAAAAABY/cKTjP9gqVaw/s1600/leaving-home.jpg) ](http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-e7KgunXOI7A/UFS-IGz1l3I/AAAAAAAAABY/cKTjP9gqVaw/s1600/leaving-home.jpg) That said, I think that she is also something like twice the height of Granny Clampett, and also far, far more pleasant in personality. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exactly-where-do-i-live-the-heck-you-say/844893.md?page=2)