# Excuse me, are you %\*#$ing my girlfriend? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 28, 2009, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383 "2009-01-28T14:54:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/21 "2009-01-29T00:03:10Z")
Mr. Salinqmind and I have been married many years. He knows how ‘picky’ I am about my men - there are no sharp-dressed blue-eyed blond studs out here in the 'burbs, just chubby balding middle aged schlubs like Himself, so there’s no guys for me to cheat with! (I kid, I kid! Though it’s true!) So he has no worries I’m gonna nail the UPS man. “I” have no worries I’m gonna nail the UPS man, either!.. He works with a lot of younger, prettier women, but though he’s a great ogler, he’s a very timid homebody who knows who cooks his burgers, irons his shirts, and does his errands. Those pretty young things would tell him to do his shitwork himself and then demand to be taken out dining and dancing, and frankly, he would rather die!..He reported the following conversation he and a young co-worker had: She: So, what do you and your wife DO on weekends? He: I work on my hobbies, read, work out, nap,(…lotsa boring middle aged stuff here). Mrs. Salinqmind gets in her car and takes off all day, sometimes brings home a pizza. (After I visit relatives/go to the mall/go somewhere with friends.) She: But…where does she go? Have you ever followed her? Who does she visit? What does she do??? He: Don’t know, don’t care! Just as long as I don’t have to go with her! Sometimes she brings home Kentucky Fried Chicken, but I’m trying to eat healthier…(here, the young co-worker suddenly remembers something she has to do on another floor, and leaves). ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/22 "2009-01-29T00:21:15Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > I don’t suppose it would have been reassuring had you told him that ten minutes was not nearly enough time with most men besides him. > > Regards, > Shodan What does ‘Regards’ mean in this context? I’m hoping it doesn’t mean what I’ve heard it means in the Pit. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Quasimodem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Quasimodem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quasimodem)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/23 "2009-01-29T00:30:05Z")
> [@EpicNonsense](#): > > I shit you not, the past 4 friends I’ve met, who have close girlfriends, all think their girl is secretly getting nailed behind their backs… Do all guys worry like this? I just don’t get it. If you’re spending night and day every day of the year together what makes you think she’s secretly screwing the yardman, or mailman, or whatever? Get a grip. > > I’m assuming it’s just low confidence in sexual performance. > > To those who with low confidence, just be sure she doesn’t get a hold of a sybian, or you’ll really be in trouble. 😛 Wait, wait, wait! They don’t think it’s **you** , do they? They’re just confiding in you, right? As for the other, yeah, I think you, uh…_nailed_ it. It’s low self-confidence in general, though - not necessarily just sex. As far as **NinetyWt’s** comment, I hope you left skid-marks getting away from that guy.:eek: Q ---
**Author:** ![PopeJewish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@PopeJewish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PopeJewish)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/24 "2009-01-29T01:24:34Z")
I’ve been cheated on twice in my life. The first girl I suspected was sleeping with someone, and it turned out she was sleeping with a friend of mine. So it goes. The second girl constantly suspected ME of cheating, even though I told her I’d been cheated on before and I, quite simply, don’t do that shit. We were only together for a month, at which point she cheated on me. Fuckin a. That said, I don’t constantly suspect people of cheating, I’m a reasonably confident guy (both in and out of the sack 😃 ) but I’ve noticed people who suspect others of cheating tend to do it out of a guilty conscience. ---
**Author:** ![KnitWit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@KnitWit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KnitWit)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/25 "2009-01-29T01:45:22Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > 'Cause, you know, only whores wear red. I got married in a red dress! So…uhhh…I guess it’s true! My husband and I were a bit older when we got married. I was 36, he was 43. It’s been about 2.5 years now and neither one of us is the jealous type. We trust one another and there are a few reasons I just don’t believe cheating (on either part) would ever happen, and jealousy isn’t likely. 1. We always pretty much know where the other is and who they’re with. Any transgressions would likely be repeated to the “victim” in short order. It’s not a lack of trust, just that he’ll say, “I’m going to Sammy’s to play pool” and, you know, he does. If I go over to find him for some reason, there he is…kicking someone’s arse at billiards. 2. We have sex at least once a day. Every day. Seriously. Yeah, weird. Every once in awhile I ask him, “Hey, you’re 46. How long can men keep this up?” And he says, “I guess we’ll find out.” He’s too TIRED (and sometimes too sore) to cheat. And, you know, I am too. 3. He’s arrogant enough that he firmly believes I wouldn’t want anyone but him so he doesn’t consider that I might stray. Good on him! He’s right. 4. When he makes a comment about another woman, I shut him up by saying, “Sure, you can do her as long as I can watch.” He calls me a pervert and turns red. I’m sort of joking. 5. It’s SO trite, but why WOULD you go out for hamburger when there’s steak at home? Why would I want to mess around with someone who wouldn’t have a clue what to do with me? 6. Aside from the fact that my husband is a very smart man, very kind and generous, and a very good husband, he’s also exceptionally handsome. I would be hard pressed to find someone I was more attracted to. 7. He says the same thing about me…he married me because he loves me and thinks I’m the purtiest, so why find someone second rate to risk a marriage over? 8. We’re too old for drama and nonsense. Maybe that’s the problem with your friends…are they all 24 years old? ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/26 "2009-01-29T02:49:26Z")
My girlfriend lives about 700 miles from me and I trust her implicitly. She’s had a harder time trusting me simply because most of my friends are female. However, I’ve never cheated on a girl and I never will, so she has nothing to worry about. She’s come to accept this over several months. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/27 "2009-01-29T03:12:07Z")
> [@Quasimodem](#): > > As far as **NinetyWt’s** comment, I hope you left skid-marks getting away from that guy Sugah, I could write a whole book about about that crazy fool and his family. And the stories in it, I _swear_, would rival **Sampiro** ’s. I will tell you one more tidbit though. You remember when lady astronauts started going up in the Space Shuttle? He told me, in all seriousness, that the only reason NASA did that was so the male astronauts could have sex. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/28 "2009-01-29T03:18:17Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > I think this guy was just insane. Did yours make you throw out all of your short-shorts, bathing suits, and any red-colored clothing ? 'Cause, you know, only whores wear red. No, he wasn’t quite that nuts. His mother one the other hand… when we got married, I didn’t wear stark white (my dress was a pretty ivory color instead), and didn’t wear a full veil over my face (I wore a flowered barrette with a narrow short veil that just hung down in the back). She was sure everyone would be scandalized. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/29 "2009-01-29T04:24:44Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > Mr. Salinqmind and I have been married many years. He knows how ‘picky’ I am about my men - there are no sharp-dressed blue-eyed blond studs out here in the 'burbs, just chubby balding middle aged schlubs like Himself, so there’s no guys for me to cheat with! (I kid, I kid! Though it’s true!) So he has no worries I’m gonna nail the UPS man. “I” have no worries I’m gonna nail the UPS man, either!.. He works with a lot of younger, prettier women, but though he’s a great ogler, he’s a very timid homebody who knows who cooks his burgers, irons his shirts, and does his errands. Those pretty young things would tell him to do his shitwork himself and then demand to be taken out dining and dancing, and frankly, he would rather die!..He reported the following conversation he and a young co-worker had: You know an awful lot about this UPS man. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/30 "2009-01-29T04:57:00Z")
> [@NinetyWt](#): > > Sugah, I could write a whole book about about that crazy fool and his family. And the stories in it, I _swear_, would rival **Sampiro** ’s. Oh please oh please start a thread!! It could be our new Ron Thread! ---
**Author:** ![leander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bcef8e/32.png) [@leander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leander)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/31 "2009-01-29T07:28:57Z")
> [@BiblioCat](#): > > Turned out it was his guilty conscience making him accuse me of cheating. :rolleyes: I think this happens more often than people (care to) imagine. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/32 "2009-01-29T07:44:28Z")
I had a buddy once whose girlfriend was like this. If he left to go to the store to get cigarettes, she suspected he was getting a quickie from someone. He said it was like she thought women were lurking in the bushes waiting to nail him the instant he walked out the door. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2009, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383/33 "2009-01-29T08:10:21Z")
To answer the OP, no. I am not the jealous one. But her jealousy is very mild compared to what has been reported above. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-are-you-ing-my-girlfriend/483383.md?page=1)