# Excuse me madam, but I do believe that you've misunderestimated the size of your ass. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2004, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897 "2004-05-06T18:45:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/21 "2004-05-07T00:34:44Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > They make strap-on arses now? Didn’t you ever see _Lavergne & Shirley_? It’s the “Hubba Hubba Heiney”. Shirley had one. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/22 "2004-05-07T03:49:20Z")
Speaking as the owner and operator of an ass that nearly qualifies for its own ZIP code, I’ve never understand how people can “misunderestimate” how much space their body occupies and be unaware that portions of their anatomy are in contact with another person. I suspect that most of them just don’t care whether they’re inconveniencing anyone else, since they are the sole purpose for the existance of the universe. ---
**Author:** ![Lady\_Kate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/aca169/32.png) [@Lady\_Kate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lady_Kate)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/23 "2004-05-07T03:59:49Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > I think Crisco was just mad because you pushed her off you before she was through. That cracks me up. I was thinking along the same line, except you’ve managed to word it in a much better way. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/24 "2004-05-07T05:45:19Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > I think Crisco was just mad because you pushed her off you before she was through. What the hell is that about??? _ **Crisco???** _ Is the derogatory name-calling necessary? ---
**Author:** ![Thaumaturge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/858c86/32.png) [@Thaumaturge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thaumaturge)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/25 "2004-05-07T06:19:00Z")
If I found myself in these sort of situations regularly, I’d get myself one of those spikey metal studded belts- you know the ones that look almost like medeival armor that you find in places like Hot Topic. You can always take it off when you get to work. For myself, back when I lived in New Jersey I developed the perfect " I’m insane and want to rip your head off for fun" stare. Worked real good on even the oblivious, so I rarely had issues with personal space. I can make dogs that are normally freindly to me run away in terror, just by staring at them in a certain way.\* 😃 - I always make it up later with a treat so that they don’t run away on sight or something. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/26 "2004-05-07T12:44:27Z")
> [@Ruby](#): > > What the hell is that about??? _ **Crisco???** _ > > Is the derogatory name-calling necessary? You’re joking, right? :dubious: It’s a nickname. It means “fat in the can”. I’ve said it to people who were, in fact, fat in the can. Opining that someones ass has turn signals or its own address is ok, but invoking the brand name of a shortening really sets you off, huh? Maybe I’m just jealous of them since I have no ass to speak of. Whenever I lean against the edge of a table, I slide off since I don’t have a butt to hold me up. Hello, my name is Casey, and I have no ass. _Hi, Casey._ ---
**Author:** ![RandomLetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@RandomLetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandomLetters)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/27 "2004-05-07T12:57:55Z")
> [@gatopescado](#): > > Misunderestimated > > Is that even a real word? Misunderestimated is a perfectly cromulent word. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/28 "2004-05-07T13:21:38Z")
Just google on “buttocks augmentation” and you’ll find a slew of plastic surgery websites describing how they can make your butt BIGGER. Even after looking at some of the pictures, I still can’t understand how anyone would want a LARGER ass!! ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/29 "2004-05-07T13:22:27Z")
> [@RandomLetters](#): > > Misunderestimated is a perfectly cromulent word. Only in the subliminable context. ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/30 "2004-05-07T14:37:20Z")
Just wanted to chime in to mention that I am impressed that it took, what, 24 posts in a thread about fatness before someone has decided to be offended. Not only that, it hasn’t even been moved to the Pit yet. Way to go floks! ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/31 "2004-05-07T14:37:46Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Speaking of bootylicious, I was going to post something I saw while traveling to Atlanta last month, but never got around to it. > > The airport has several concourses connected by a metro train. I stepped into one car and noted a very pretty young black woman get on after me. She was very shapely and was wearing a clinging thin cotton dress. > > And she had a magnificent ass. > > As the train started moving, everyone grabbed onto the vertical steel posts for balance except for her. She just backed up to the bar and it slid into her crack about two inches. > > It was one of the more erotic things I’ve seen in awhile, I can tell you. Whywhywhywhywhy would you want a handrail in your buttcrack? I just can’t fathom this action. Holding onto a handrail with your butt? I can see leaning against it with your hip, but the pole in your buttcrack? This isn’t erotic to me, it’s just incomprehensible. **Jacknifed Juggernaut** , I think you should have just loudly announced “Excuse me, your butt is touching me.” That might have done the job. ( **Alice** , I think people who sit next to other people when there are other seats available have a sickness. That’s the only explanation I can think of for it.) ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/32 "2004-05-07T15:28:52Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Only in the subliminable context. I don’t know, it’s meaning can be easily glorked from context. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/33 "2004-05-07T16:15:47Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > Whywhywhywhywhy would you want a handrail in your buttcrack? I dunno. Maybe she shops at IKEA. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/34 "2004-05-07T17:19:21Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > This isn’t erotic to me, it’s just incomprehensible. You had to be male and you had to be there. ---
**Author:** ![Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de053/32.png) [@Jackknifed\_Juggernaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackknifed_Juggernaut)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/35 "2004-05-07T17:30:49Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > You had to be male and you had to be there. Don’t worry dude. I totally hear you, and wish I was there! ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/36 "2004-05-07T22:55:31Z")
I really can’t believe anyone would seriously contemplate buying a false freckle. That cracks me up completely. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![flamingbananas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f4b2a3/32.png) [@flamingbananas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flamingbananas)\ **Post date:** [May 7, 2004, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/37 "2004-05-07T23:32:47Z")
> [@Thaumaturge](#): > > For myself, back when I lived in New Jersey I developed the perfect " I’m insane and want to rip your head off for fun" stare. Worked real good on even the oblivious, so I rarely had issues with personal space. I can make dogs that are normally freindly to me run away in terror, just by staring at them in a certain way.\* 😃 . I HAVE THAT LOOK TOO! I do that to other people in cars when I’m bored. I stare at drivers with a mean and serious look on my face, look directly into their eyes, and I don’t blink. Most of them look away. I do this to one of my dogs when she is trying to challenge me, or thinks I am a crazy stranger trying to steal her food. She growls, then backs off. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2004, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/38 "2004-05-08T02:30:03Z")
> [@Casey1505](#): > > I think Crisco was just mad because you pushed her off you before she was through. Having just read Cicso’ s depilated balls thread, this confused me at first. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2004, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/39 "2004-05-08T02:49:45Z")
> [@Thaumaturge](#): > > For myself, back when I lived in New Jersey I developed the perfect “I’m insane and want to rip your head off for fun” stare. Years ago, MAD Magazine presented the game “Subway Bingo”. They provided a card with various items in the squares. You were supposed to mark each square when you saw the depicted item. One square was labeled, “Crazy guy staring at you”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sengkelat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Sengkelat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sengkelat)\ **Post date:** [May 8, 2004, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897/40 "2004-05-08T06:56:53Z")
> [@ratatoskK](#): > > Just google on “buttocks augmentation” and you’ll find a slew of plastic surgery websites describing how they can make your butt BIGGER. My fave is the one who needed the augmentation “because my butt is smaller than my waist, and my pants keep falling down.” Yes, let’s go and have surgery rather than buying a pair of _suspenders._ What could be more reasonable? As for the woman on the elevator, you might have just said to her, “Could you move forwards a bit please?” It’s not like you’d have had to say “The twin african elephants you keep in your pants are crushing the life out of me, lard ass!” There are polite ways to communicate verbally. Even if they’re not as fun. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/excuse-me-madam-but-i-do-believe-that-youve-misunderestimated-the-size-of-your-ass/243897.md?page=3)