# Exercises in futility, home repair edition. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477 "2014-11-12T20:47:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/41 "2014-11-19T07:32:46Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I did a job today with zero fuckups! Installed three curtain rods in the LR, all level, and hit wood with every bracket screw instead of having to mess with drywall anchors. Hot damn! Nice! Today I finally finished rewiring the fucked up GFCI receptacles in my kitchen. (I renovated my kitchen a year ago; everybody did fantastic work except for the jamoke of an electrician I hired.) They never bothered to run a grounding conductor to the old boxes for the GFCIs. A ground wire is not strictly necessary for a GFCI, but I think it’s good practice to have it there. Fortunately the metal boxes themselves still had a good ground reference (via the metal-sheathed cable) after the billion years they’ve been there, so I went to HD, got some green ground screws, cut some pigtails from scrap romex, and replaced the GFCIs themselves with a nicer model while I was at it. Oh, did I mention that because these old boxes were set far back into the wall that they used _drywall_ screws to attach the devices to the box? Non-conductive drywall screws. The screws that are supposed to act as a backup ground connection to the metal box. I got a little kit with a bunch of 6-32 TPI machine screws in all different lengths and easily found some that fit. (How can you be an electrician and not have extra machine screws hanging around. Blergh.) I also got a proper box extension for one of the boxes that’s set really deep into the wall. That one is slightly crooked, but there’s nothing I can really do about that since it’s basically set in mortar. So I have to live with one faceplate that does not align with my perfectly-level tile backsplash. Everything tests good now. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/42 "2014-11-19T12:41:02Z")
Last winter the water line in our barn froze after the heat-tape’s GFCI outlet tripped. So I replaced the heat tape, which extends below ground, and was a bitch of a job. When I finished, I plugged the new tape in and it tripped the outlet. I later learned the GFCI outlets often go bad. I replaced the outlet and was good to go. Wish I’d checked it first, though. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/43 "2014-11-19T15:50:15Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > We don’t like your type around here! No worries; another drawer slide bracket will fail soon. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/44 "2014-11-19T17:02:11Z")
Using my moms round kitchen table as a workbench to saw a piece of plywood. “Don’t worry 'ma, we’re not stupid, we won’t cut your table” “oops” ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/45 "2014-11-19T17:20:15Z")
> [@Grestarian](#): > > As a teen, we learned to defeat that circuit by moving the switch until it was perpendicular to the wall, kinda caught between poles. That would kill the lights and the ‘companion’ switch on the other end of the room couldn’t turn it on either. We’d either do it as a prank or because we wanted a few extra moments of darkness after some adult came into the room… > > But that’s not something that tends to happen accidentally (though I have done it accidentally in the past); someone usually has to spend a few seconds consciously finding the ‘balance point’ that makes both switches useless. > > –G! > We wasn’t doin’ nothin’, really!:rolleyes: This happens to me by accident a couple of times a year. I swipe at a switch to turn a light off and it only goes down partway. Then the light won’t work at either switch. I’ve learned to check both switches before I start changing light bulbs. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/46 "2014-11-19T17:51:35Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > Using my moms round kitchen table as a workbench to saw a piece of plywood. > > “Don’t worry 'ma, we’re not stupid, we won’t cut your table” > > “oops” I remember when my brother was helping his son-in-law build a new house. The SIL was calling down measurements for joist bracing for the second floor, and my brother was cutting them. I happened to go over for a visit, so of course he tries to impress me with his mad sawing skillz. He measures for the cut, sets the 25’ tape down, swings the board around and drops it on top of the tape, then proceeds to cut through the board and the tape measure body. I accused him of trying to shorten the job. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Kiber](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kiber/32/317_2.png) [@Kiber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiber)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/47 "2014-11-19T18:42:01Z")
Not exactly home improvement – more home defense. But here goes . . . A few years ago, we realize that a squirrel has moved into our attic, right above the master bedroom. I’d lay in bed at night listening to the little bugger scamper back and forth around the tray ceiling above our head. I quickly found the hole it had chewed to access the attic – but on solid advice, I didn’t repair the hole until I dealt with the squirrel, as I was assured the squirrel would simply chew a new hole. After a quick trip to the hardware store, I came home with a live trap and instructions on how to bait for squirrels. Best advice was to smear peanut butter over a pinecone. Squirrels can’t resist – I was assured. So I place the trap in the attic, near the highway that had been worn in the insulation, leave the attic, and wait. The next day I go up to the attic to check, and sure enough – the bait is irresistible to squirrels. However, no squirrel in the trap. Just a clean-as-a-whistle pinecone safely contained in a tripped live trap. OK – no worries. I re-bait the pinecone and try again. Closing the attic, I wait. Day 3 – I check again. Sure enough – the pinecone is licked clean and the trap is sprung – but no squirrel. Rats. Being a persistent type, I try again. Day 4 – I try again. Same result. Day 5 – I try again. Same result. Day 6 – my wife starts to catch on and openly begins to question my sanity. I try again. Day 7 – I swear that this is the last try. Bait the trap. Close the attic. Wait. But this time, my motivation to keep checking on the success of my squirrel-feeding program begins to wane. Life takes over, and I forget to check the trap. Days pass. Sometime later – I finally head up to the attic to check again. Perhaps it was a week, perhaps 2. In all honesty, I was tired of being beaten by this little bugger and didn’t need the constant reminders of my own personal failings. Nevertheless, with a dark feeling of inevitability, I head up to the attic and crawl toward the trap - expecting to find yet again a pinecone licked clean. As I approach – sure enough I can see the clean pinecone, as usual. However – this time, success!!! I have trapped the squirrel. I win I win I win!!! Now technically – I’m not sure if it’s a win if the live trap ends up killing the squirrel. Sure enough – he’s dead. I kinda feel bad – the little guy probably starved while I was ignoring my persistent sense of failure. I reproach myself for not being more vigilant. Meanwhile – I pick up the trap and turn to leave the attic. It’s at this point when the dead squirrel (poor guy) gets the last laugh (not actually – but close). As I turn towards the stairs coming down from the attic – the dead squirrel suddenly lunges at me. Now I’m an adult male. In reasonably good shape. And I fancy myself somewhat brave. I’d certainly defend my family if need be. I’ve done some extreme sports. I sit in rush hour traffic for hours every day. So I’m no stranger to fear. However – when this dead squirrel (poor guy) lunged at me I screamed like a baby. No matter that the squirrel was locked in a cage. No matter that I’m an adult man and the squirrel a tiny rodent. No matter that I have faced down death and laughed to tell the tale. Funny thing, though. It turns out that when you fling a live trap at the floor, with all your strength – enhanced no doubt by a quart and a half of adrenaline – something funny happens. Apparently – when you do just that, the trap opens up. And when the trap opens up – the formerly dead squirrel (little bugger) takes the opportunity to escape the trap. Into the attic. Above my bedroom. So after weeks and weeks of hunting and finally capturing the squirrel in my attic – I celebrate my success by releasing the little bugger right back in to my own attic. TLDR – I caught a squirrel in my attic. I released a squirrel in my attic. I’m a dumbass. Some other day, I’ll share the tale of how the little bugger got the last laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/48 "2014-11-19T20:11:16Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > Did you know that the natural gas inlet of a gas water heater is the same diameter and thread as the cold water inlet? Did you know that in a well-plumbed house, the cold water piping is gas-tight? Did you know that a natural gas flame shooting out of your kitchen faucet is FRICKING COOL!?!??! > > I do. First hand. Wait! I thought home gas lines were left-handed threads specifically to avoid this problem. Mine was walking into the living-room telling Mrs. Cad that someone just tried to call. She said she didn’t hear the phone then it rang. I listened to the conversation and she said to me “You were right.” You see, I was holding a 150v tip line when they called the first time… ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/49 "2014-11-19T20:24:55Z")
Sorry. 48v ring line. IDK where 150v tip came from. Tip is ground. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/50 "2014-11-19T20:26:57Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > Yeah, I did that. It’s how I discovered some of the previous owner’s, shall we say, _idiosyncratic_ modifications. As it turns out, there are 1) several switches around the house that don’t do anything (mostly extra switches for ceiling fans that either aren’t there or had both light and fan wired to one switch) and B) light fixtures (mostly exterior) that we can’t figure out how to turn on. I’ll try to track them down one of these days. > > But I knew about the switch in the garage and just forgot. Bah, I have this problem is my new/old house. Two switches in the living room that do nothing. A switch at each end of the hall that has juice to it and does nothing, and two fixtures on the ceiling in the hall that have no juice. Haven’t had a chance to get up in the attic and see WTF. I also assumed either a botched 3-way installation or a poached branch. I suspect the problem in the hall is connected somehow to the genius method of running NM through the space right above the louvers of the attic fan. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/51 "2014-11-19T20:27:39Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I did a job today with zero fuckups! Installed three curtain rods in the LR, all level, and hit wood with every bracket screw instead of having to mess with drywall anchors. Hot damn! Did you go buy a lottery ticket after that? > [@commasense](#): > > We don’t like your type around here! No, it’s okay - I’m sure we’ve all managed to do some home repairs right the first time. Right? Right? {crickets} > [@enipla](#): > > Using my moms round kitchen table as a workbench to saw a piece of plywood. > > “Don’t worry 'ma, we’re not stupid, we won’t cut your table” > > “oops” Heh heh heh. > [@Chefguy](#): > > I remember when my brother was helping his son-in-law build a new house. The SIL was calling down measurements for joist bracing for the second floor, and my brother was cutting them. I happened to go over for a visit, so of course he tries to impress me with his mad sawing skillz. He measures for the cut, sets the 25’ tape down, swings the board around and drops it on top of the tape, then proceeds to cut through the board and the tape measure body. I accused him of trying to shorten the job. 😃 He had probably done the same cut a hundred times perfectly before someone was watching him do it… > [@Kiber](#): > > \ > TLDR – I caught a squirrel in my attic. I released a squirrel in my attic. I’m a dumbass. > > Some other day, I’ll share the tale of how the little bugger got the last laugh. Did he end up making you burn down your own house? ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/52 "2014-11-19T22:39:31Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > Sorry. 48v ring line. IDK where 150v tip came from. Tip is ground. I installed a new phone jack once. I thought I was being really smart, until someone decided to call just as I was tightening a screw terminal with my metal-handled screwdriver. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2014, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/53 "2014-11-19T22:52:33Z")
Yeah, so I have a small ceiling light in my bedroom. One day I notice it’s dim in there and even though I hadn’t noticed a bulb popping, I asked my father to do me a favor and switch the burnt-out bulb. When I get home it’s still dim and kind of forgetting my thought process, I take off the globe and switch out the – **one** bulb. It only has one bulb…hmm…but whatever, I put in a new one. I was feeling hangry and grumbling about how it was still dim and who puts in a crappy one-bulb light fixture anyway and maybe it’s always been this crappy dimness and I didn’t notice… Pop is anxiously watching me get hangrier and is flailing about for a solution, apologizing even though it’s not his fault. Finally he notices…you guessed it…the dimmer switch by the door. :smack: I never use the dimmer. I must have bumped it down when the light was off and the next time I turned on the light, dimness. Even Pop had been thinking, why is this fixture so dim? “It’s almost like there’s a dimmer…” but never followed up the thought. Old age sucks. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/54 "2014-11-20T00:10:05Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Oh, did I mention that because these old boxes were set far back into the wall that they used _drywall_ screws to attach the devices to the box? Non-conductive drywall screws. The screws that are supposed to act as a backup ground connection to the metal box. I got a little kit with a bunch of 6-32 TPI machine screws in all different lengths and easily found some that fit. (How can you be an electrician and not have extra machine screws hanging around. Blergh.) > > I also got a proper box extension for one of the boxes that’s set really deep into the wall. That one is slightly crooked, but there’s nothing I can really do about that since it’s basically set in mortar. So I have to live with one faceplate that does not align with my perfectly-level tile backsplash. > > Everything tests good now. you can add some weather stripping foam or a bit of caulk at the edge of the faceplate and trim even. caulk comes in clear or many colors. you do want box extenders to prevent any gaps greater than 1/8" leaving opening to air or combustible material. if the box extender brings the faceplate out then you can use various wood trim material to make a rectangular donut. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/55 "2014-11-20T21:45:57Z")
My house was bult in the early 60’s. I have learned to assume these things when doing any DIY project: 1. Nothing is square 2. Nothing is plumb 3. Hi Opal! 4. Nothing is standard/universal 5. Whatever had been done before was done wrong 6. Once a job is started I will find more stuff that must be addressed in order to complete it ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/56 "2014-11-20T23:10:01Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > My house was bult in the early 60’s. I have learned to assume these things when doing any DIY project: > > 1. Nothing is square > 2. Nothing is plumb > 3. Hi Opal! > 4. Nothing is standard/universal > 5. Whatever had been done before was done wrong > 6. Once a job is started I will find more stuff that must be addressed in order to complete it Yup. Don’t forget 7. You can’t buy those any more. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/57 "2014-11-20T23:15:53Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Yup. Don’t forget 7. You can’t buy those any more. #8–if you’re sharp enough to buy a spare (part), you’ll need two. #9–make a good estimate of repair time, then triple it (and add a half hour). ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/58 "2014-11-20T23:55:21Z")
#10. Every repair job will require _at least_ two trips to the hardware store. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2014, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/59 "2014-11-20T23:58:09Z")
#11–(courtesy of Dave Barry)–the only way to keep a plumbing part from leaking is to tighten it until it breaks. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/60 "2014-11-21T13:36:50Z")
#12 The Dunning-Kruger effect always applies to the last person to DIY the house. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477.md?page=4)