# Exercises in futility, home repair edition. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 12, 2014, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477 "2014-11-12T20:47:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/61 "2014-11-21T17:16:14Z")
> [@commasense](#): > > #10. Every repair job will require _at least_ two trips to the hardware store. No, it’s at least three trips: One to buy materials/tools you need. One to return the wrong item you bought and get the correct item. One to buy the items you forgot. Lately, I’ve been adding a fourth: One to return the extras you bought on the first trip due to your optimistic, but ultimately unrealistic, idea that it would prevent trips two and three. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/62 "2014-11-21T18:10:00Z")
#13: No matter how well you plan a small project, it will take at least four trips back to the garage to get the tools/materials you forgot to bring into the house to accomplish said project. The number of trips is directly proportional to how far away the garage is and how many stairs are between you and it. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/63 "2014-11-21T20:19:52Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > #13: No matter how well you plan a small project, it will take at least four trips back to the garage to get the tools/materials you forgot to bring into the house to accomplish said project. The number of trips is directly proportional to how far away the garage is and how many stairs are between you and it. Corollary to this rule: If you **do** pre-stage the tools you need at the job site, the one that was the heaviest and had to be carried the longest distance will be the one you never use. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/64 "2014-11-21T21:46:05Z")
I just made the mistake of using the GFCI tester I got to fix my kitchen wiring to check outlets in several other rooms. Almost all of them have open grounds. I may end up having to hire an electrician to rewire the whole damn place. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/65 "2014-11-21T23:15:54Z")
How about owning a house long enough that you rediscover your own weird hack repairs? I had forgotten at one time many years ago I had cut out a big blob shaped piece of drywall from my wall to splice a junction for a new outlet. The piece of drywall, about 2’ x 4’ and shaped like Kentucky, was still in one piece and fit the hole nicely. So I took a couple dozen tongue depressors, Liquid Nails’d them all around the hole for support, and Nails’d the drywall piece into place on the depressor tabs. There were a few wide gaps and it schlumped a bit, so I wedged dog biscuits around the edges into the gaps and it fit nice and securely. Then spackle, sand, paint, beautiful! 8 years later a professional contractor is removing part of the wall from the other side to install a stove duct, called me into the room, and pointed at the reverse side of the now exposed tongue-depressor / dog biscuit framework, and must have seen me blush… “You did this, didn’t you?” ---
**Author:** ![slaphead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@slaphead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slaphead)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/66 "2014-12-02T13:47:59Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > dog biscuits around the edges into the gaps … Then spackle, sand, paint, beautiful! But of course! What could be more obvious a construction material than dog biscuits? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/67 "2014-12-02T15:45:39Z")
> [@August\_West](#): > > Corollary to this rule: If you **do** pre-stage the tools you need at the job site, the one that was the heaviest and had to be carried the longest distance will be the one you never use. Additionally: …And will be the one you drop and break two steps from its cubby as you’re returning it, will be impossible to replace, and will cost the national debt IF you can find it. AND will be the tool you need tomorrow (a federal holiday) to finish the last three minute repair you’ve been trying to fix for the last year. Did I forget anything? (You **know** I did) :smack: 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/68 "2014-12-02T16:06:23Z")
A while back I bought a kit to try to buff the haze off of the plastic lenses of my headlights, but I was never successful with it. It came with some lightly abrasive goop and drill-buffer bit with a head made of plastic foam sponge material. I was out $xx.xx and bitching about it when someone said “use toothpaste and an old toothbrush”. Those headlights are now about 50% brighter. :smack: Next, it was time to scrub the shower/bathtub, a job we ALL must simply love. I was scrubbing for an hour, changing arms when one arm got tired, and I was still catching abuse that it just wasn’t clean enough for guests and that, “I just must not be trying hard enough”. And that’s when I remembered that I had a drill-buffer bit with a head made of plastic foam sponge material as well as a perfectly good AC powered hand drill. Faster than you can say “Tim Allen”, I squirted the bathroom cleaner I had all around the tub, chocked that bit into the drill, plugged that drill into the wall, and got to work. cue sound effects. [spoiler] \*\*\*RAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAA- WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! RaaaaAAAAA? WHHHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! RaaaaAAAAA? WHHHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! RaaaaAAAAA? WHHHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!\*\*\* [/spoiler] Possibly the only thing close to being as loud as that drill in that tub that day were the voices from downstairs shouting, “What the Hell are you DOING up there…!?” I was however Very successful and not only is the glaze on the tub intact, but that tub is now as clean as any new one in any showroom (assuming plumbing supply places still have showrooms). Yes my tub is older, clean and now more than likely a _LOT_ more scared. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/69 "2014-12-02T16:09:26Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Additionally: …And will be the one you drop and break two steps from its cubby as you’re returning it, will be impossible to replace, and will cost the national debt IF you can find it. AND will be the tool you need tomorrow (a federal holiday) to finish the last three minute repair you’ve been trying to fix for the last year. > Did I forget anything? (You **know** I did) :smack: 😃 It’ll also be the one you saw for sale at that Flea Market last summer for $20 that you were talked out of buying because, “What in the World do you need another one of THOSE for…?” :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/70 "2014-12-02T16:38:46Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > A while back I bought a kit to try to buff the haze off of the plastic lenses of my headlights, but I was never successful with it. It came with some lightly abrasive goop and drill-buffer bit with a head made of plastic foam sponge material. > I was out $xx.xx and bitching about it when someone said “use toothpaste and an old toothbrush”. > > Those headlights are now about 50% brighter. :smack: Dad, is that YOU? :eek: > [@](#): > > Next, it was time to scrub the shower/bathtub, a job we ALL must simply love. I was scrubbing for an hour, changing arms when one arm got tired, and I was still catching abuse that it just wasn’t clean enough > for guests and that, “I just must not be trying hard enough”. > > And that’s when I remembered that I had a drill-buffer bit with a head made of plastic foam sponge material as well as a perfectly good AC powered hand drill. > > Faster than you can say “Tim Allen”, I squirted the bathroom cleaner I had all around the tub, chocked that bit into the drill, plugged that drill into the wall, and got to work. > cue sound effects. > > [spoiler] \*\*\*RAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAA- WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! WAH! > > RaaaaAAAAA? WHHHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! > RaaaaAAAAA? WHHHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! > RaaaaAAAAA? WHHHAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!\*\*\* [/spoiler] > > Possibly the only thing close to being as loud as that drill in that tub that day were the voices from downstairs shouting, “What the Hell are you DOING up there…!?” > > I was however Very successful and not only is the glaze on the tub intact, but that tub is now as clean as any new one in any showroom (assuming plumbing supply places still have showrooms). > > Yes my tub is older, clean and now more than likely a _LOT_ more scared. 😉 That must have been exquisitely therapeutic. I envy your success. > [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > It’ll also be the one you saw for sale at that Flea Market last summer for $20 that you were talked out of buying because, “What in the World do you need another one of THOSE for…?” :rolleyes: Can he get an “AMEN”? (I’ve been wanting to do this since I re-joined ten months ago): **BLUCHER**! (Neigh-eigh-eigh-eigh!) 😃 \<– (Marty Feldman) ---
**Author:** ![Enright3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/enright3/32/2897_2.png) [@Enright3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enright3)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/71 "2014-12-02T17:02:02Z")
Many years ago I lived in a house that had an electric water well/pump. It hadn’t worked for years. I took it upon myself to replace it. To get a well to start pumping ground water, you have to first prime the well with water. The conventional wisdom on how to tell if your pump is working (and not just pumping back the water you primed it with) is to feel the pipe coming out of the ground. Well water is cold, and you’ll be able to sense the temperature change. I primed the pump, let it run for a while, grabbed the pipe… zZZzzzzzzttttZZ I had the crap shocked out of me. It was 220 V pump that I wired back incorrectly, sending 110 volts into the ground via the water pipe. I seriously thought I was going to to die as had trouble releasing my hand from the pipe. Lessons learned. 1. label wires and don’t rely on memory 2. when dealing with anything electrical, avoid grabbing anything, and use the back of your hand so if you’re electrocuted you won’t be forced to grip tighter as your muscles tense up. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/72 "2014-12-02T18:50:07Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > 1. Nothing is square > 2. Nothing is plumb > 3. Hi Opal! > 4. Nothing is standard/universal > 5. Whatever had been done before was done wrong > 6. Once a job is started I will find more stuff that must be addressed in order to complete it “The Standard Fitting” is pure fiction like The Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and Wedded Bliss. > [@Chefguy](#): > > #13: No matter how well you plan a small project, it will take at least four trips back to the garage to get the tools/materials you forgot to bring into the house to accomplish said project. The number of trips is directly proportional to how far away the garage is and how many stairs are between you and it. Amen. My garage is a long way from the house indeed. There isn’t enough bandwidth or time in the day to tell ya’ll about my home-repair FUBARs. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/73 "2014-12-02T19:10:02Z")
> [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > Dad, is that YOU? :eek: Not intentionally, no. > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > (I’ve been wanting to do this since I re-joined ten months ago): > > **BLUCHER**! (Neigh-eigh-eigh-eigh!) 😃 \<– (Marty Feldman) “Igor, help me with the bags.” “Certainly. You take the blonde, I’ll take the one in the turban.” “I was talking about the luggage…” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/74 "2014-12-02T19:44:04Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > \ > Next, it was time to scrub the shower/bathtub, a job we ALL must simply love. I was scrubbing for an hour, changing arms when one arm got tired, and I was still catching abuse that it just wasn’t clean enough > for guests and that, “I just must not be trying hard enough”.\ It’s a lot less dramatic, but a combination of bathroom cleanser and a Magic Eraser will get your tub/shower sparkling clean with not a lot of elbow grease. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [December 2, 2014, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477/75 "2014-12-02T21:30:55Z")
How about the Doper who spent a couple months fixing his sagging floors by shimming the floor and shaving down the bottoms of his doors? [With apologies to Machine Elf](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=17207708&postcount=3) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exercises-in-futility-home-repair-edition/704477.md?page=3)