# Exes- Do you get mad when they trade down? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 16, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540 "2005-06-16T14:21:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/1 "2005-06-16T14:21:10Z")
I happened to come across a photograph of an ex with her new thing. Now, I’m a fairly literate man, and yes, “thing” is the right word here. Holy cow. I think I remember the guy from the PSA ads about the poor children who had to grow up without benzoyl peroxide. Tiny bacteria snuck onto this guy’s face and lit preemptive brushfires on his cheeks, because I cannot imagine someone grew that thing on purpose. That’s the kind of face that makes you CERTAIN the guy’s got the best drugs in town. I could go on, but let’s just say that the dude fought to the Pain. And lost. And I’m angry. Art least I think it’s anger. I am, safter all, laughing my ass off at the same time, so it’s not your “normal” anger. It’s not a relationship-kinda angry. I’m not angry at her for breaking up with me, or him for “taking my woman.” I’m not even angry on an emotional level. It’s a somewhat bewildered and certainly superficial kind of angry. It’s a “how in the world could you consider THAT to be comparable to ME?” No, your brand-new Kia Sephia is NOT comparable to the Corvette you used to drive, and to pretend so is laughable! Do any of you others get this? ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/2 "2005-06-16T14:24:31Z")
I understand what you’re saying, but it’s the same fallacy that always occur when someone considered attractive shacks up with someone who is considered unattractive. Lokks ain’t everything. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/3 "2005-06-16T14:24:41Z")
I understand what you’re saying, but it’s the same fallacy that always occur when someone considered attractive shacks up with someone who is considered unattractive. Looks ain’t everything. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/4 "2005-06-16T14:25:16Z")
Hmmm. Was it possible that the weight of his schlong was collapsing blood vessels in his face? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/5 "2005-06-16T14:31:20Z")
Almost always. In my passive-aggressive, jealousy-ridden history with women, other men are [The Enemy](http://s03.middlebury.edu/AC211A/this_is_the_enemy.gif): subhuman brutes to be despised for their crudity, but feared for their viciousness. In high school, I actually laughed out loud when a rival of mine got kicked out the week before graduation. [sub]I got masculinity issues. Can you tell?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/6 "2005-06-16T14:32:11Z")
Looks ain’t everything, no. And it’s entirely possible the dude lassoed her from three blocks away without using rope. :dubious: And I’m not even trying to make this into an analysis of why relationships go sour or what a new relationship uses as a building block. The poll is simple: When you see your old one walking by with an ugly-ass new one, do you get angry for having being considered comparable? ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/7 "2005-06-16T14:35:26Z")
No 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/8 "2005-06-16T14:37:50Z")
Oh wait. This thread is about _looks_? I address that as follows: Any man I’m jealous of, I don’t _care_ how handsome he is. He’s shower scum. Then again, if someone cute pairs up with someone not-so, I invoke my idea of primitive female biopsychology, ie: he has money, he has swagger, he’s a little more of a brute than the rest of 'em. ---
**Author:** ![wasson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/4da419/32.png) [@wasson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wasson)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/9 "2005-06-16T15:29:16Z")
My ex hooked up with a fat ugly guy a few weeks after our split. My reaction was very similar to yours… anger mixed with laughter mixed with a bit of confusion. I was upset at first, and now it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve since learned she ain’t a great catch anyway. ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/10 "2005-06-16T15:38:34Z")
My ex has been dating a guy who was formerly my best pal for twenty years, and who I (even at the height of best-pal days) used to wonder how he ever got any action at all. I described him as facially resembling a Doberman Pinchser after a tragic head-in-vise incident. Worse, my ex used to really hate this guy, refused to let him use the toilet in our house because she was sure that he had some loathesome communicable disease. We would stay up at night mocking his looks, his pretentiousness, his social awkwardness, his amoral application of situational ethics, and I would offer the occasional weak defense of the poor dude. “Hey, everybody’s got problems, right?” Now he has most of mine. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/11 "2005-06-16T15:45:50Z")
**Happy Scrappy Hero Pup** you have told us loads about your ex. It must have occured to you that you were too good for her, you saw through her tricks. She probably has just latched onto someone dumb and desperate enough to let her get away with the crap she tried to pull on you. ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/12 "2005-06-16T16:18:14Z")
I guess I’m the only one that totally severs contact with ex’s? i assume it’s different if you have kids together, but for me, breakups have usually been a scorched-earth experience. i could pass an ex in the street and never know them. Of course, I’ve been lucky in that I’ve moved around enough, so I don’t have to deal with an ex in the same small circle of friends, or in the same small town. -stonebow, now very happily married, with a ‘nobody gets out alive’ agreement with his Lady wife ---
**Author:** ![romansperson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/romansperson/32/17100_2.png) [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/13 "2005-06-16T16:54:31Z")
\*Here comes Jeanie with her new boyfriend They say that looks don’t count for much If so, there goes your proof Is she really going out with him? Is she really gonna take him home tonight? Is she really going out with him? 'Cause if my eyes don’t deceive me, There’s something going wrong around here\* Joe Jackson, _Is She Really Going Out With Him?_ So no, you definitely aren’t the only one. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/14 "2005-06-16T18:06:01Z")
I’m going to hazard a guess here and suggest it might be an ego thing. Who your ex hooks up with is a bit of a reflection of _you_ - you were once where he is now, and you see a bit of yourself in him, and if he doesn’t measure up to your self-image, it makes you uncomfortable. Does that make sense? It did in my head. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/15 "2005-06-16T18:26:10Z")
> [@romansperson](#): > > Joe Jackson, _Is She Really Going Out With Him?_ Then there’s also [Ugly Girl](http://www-scf.usc.edu/~osmosis/lyrics/uglyGirl.html) by Fleming & John. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/16 "2005-06-16T18:26:31Z")
I see what you’re saying, but no. He’s UGLY. I never looked or felt that ugly. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/17 "2005-06-16T18:29:59Z")
If someone left me for an ugly chick, I think I’d be quite pissed. I’ve never been left, however, so I wouldn’t know. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/18 "2005-06-16T18:32:35Z")
Yeah actually. One of my exes is with a girl that looks like…well I can’t come up with anything as funny as the doberman-vice example (I’m not not that creative). She has bad hair, bad teeth, bad skin, an annoying laugh, she’s dumb. I digress. Featherlou is right. It sucks because for a split second you think, “OH GOD! Am I comperable to THAT?” Then it passes. And you laugh at them. …Yeah it’s mean. It’s my ex, though- I’m not supposed to benice. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/19 "2005-06-16T18:40:35Z")
Looking back on featherlou’s post, I get it now. I thought she was speaking psychologically. But that’s it in a nutshell, just like I had in my OP. > [@me](#): > > It’s a somewhat bewildered and certainly superficial kind of angry. It’s a “how in the world could you consider THAT to be comparable to ME?” No, your brand-new Kia Sephia is NOT comparable to the Corvette you used to drive, and to pretend so is laughable! It’s one of those things where you get angry because no reasonable person could put you in the same league with the new thing. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2005, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540/20 "2005-06-16T19:01:57Z")
No, I usually wonder if they’re severely rebounding and have thus picked up the first person who looked at them twice. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/exes-do-you-get-mad-when-they-trade-down/308540.md?page=2)