How would I know if I worked with one or not? I never make any attempt to examine any of my co-workers’ genitals. Except maybe that one time.
Chronos. Have you ever witnessed someone asking about it?
I have worked with several colleagues in recent years who have transitioned from being identified as one gender to another (or to being non-binary).
The only time an issue has ever come up was shortly after one such co-worker, with whom I had worked for several years, had begun to publicly identify as non-binary, and had changed their preferred given name. I accidentally used their old name once, and immediately realized that I had – I apologized to them, they graciously accepted the apology, and it was a non-issue after that.
Because men and women don’t face bigotry for being their gender? (Sexism aside). I’m not saying it’s appropriate to ask people such personal questions at work (Or any other place depending on one’s familiarity with said person).
But to act as if trans, men and women are all the same is disingenuous. They live a different life experience. And it’s only natural to want to ask questions. Not that one should, just that the curiosity is there.
Ynnad. Yeah, I really have no experience being around trans people that I know of. Perhaps I have but never noticed. That might be a good thing if I didn’t notice it. If I did notice it I wouldn’t ask about it, but I would observe how others reacted to that fact.
We’ve all probably worked with a lot and just don’t know it.
We had someone transition at work in the late '90s, MtF. She spent some time away, and before she came back, management had a meeting explaining what was up, this is her name now, and so on. Before she transitioned, she spent some time talking to another MtF woman in my area, probably looking for advice or something.
That was all in the late 90s. It seemed weird at the time, and at first it was, “did you hear about X?” But, then it was normal.
As far as I know, I haven’t worked with any transgender people since then, so it’s probably more accurate to say that I’ve worked with some that either haven’t come out, or were extremely comfortable in their new gender and I didn’t notice.
It’s interesting how normal it has all become. Even though I don’t work with any (that I know of), I certainly interact with transgender people at restaurants and coffee shops, in retail stores, etc.
Grrr. That sounds reasonable. On a certain level, people are people. Period. I’m just wondering what the reality is regarding the change in attitudes about transexual people.
Correct. I think the assumption here is that no trans people can “pass.”
I only learned of one trans co-worker because it came up in an unrelated conversation about dating. There might have been more, for all I know. And with the one person I knew about, it wasn’t a thing. We didn’t have special trans conversations with him. We just did our jobs.
@MeanOldLady, I feel like it has been forever since I’ve seen one of your posts. So, welcome back! You posted one of the funniest things I’ve read here, something about your monocle popping out into your coffee, when you were so sarcastically surprised with something.
I’ll note that, while I work in a large, white-collar organization, it’s an advertising agency, and our industry has likely been at least a little bit out in front of most large companies when it comes to acknowledgement and acceptance of LGBTQ+ people.
It likely also helps that we’re in a major, and fairly liberal, city (Chicago).
Regardless, the organization’s line is that everyone, of all gender identities, should be treated with respect. While I, unfortunately, would not be surprised if my transgender colleagues have faced some manner of discrimination or harassment at work, the agency is very overt in its support of transgender people, and has a very clear no-tolerance policy for discriminatory behavior.
I worked with a MtF person in the late 70s. It was not as well accepted back then. Really fairly exceptional. There was no big announcement at work. But I can still remember one woman sobbing that “suzanne” had used the women’s restroom. I shied away from sobby lady after that. I mean, really?
During a department lunch, my department head, while trying to flex about how woke she is, accidentally outed and dead-named the assistant department head.
That was awkward. Thankfully, the assistant head wasn’t present.
I’ve worked with a couple other people I suspected were trans, but they didn’t talk about it, and obviously, I didn’t ask. I work in a “creative” industry in California, so the office is pretty progressive.
@RitterSport It has been a while, eh? My life has shifted a lot from being bored at work, so I do less internetting. This board is totally different now, and using it in many ways seems easier than before, but there’s a lot of new stuff that I think I’m getting the hang of.
something about your monocle popping out into your coffee, when you were so sarcastically surprised with something.
That’s actually hilarious and sounds like something I would say. 
At work? Are you sure you’re not thinking of band camp?
Their personal lives or bodies are not your concern if they do not volunteer anything.
An obvious situation would be if someone transitioned during the time you worked with them.
I’m active in a college square dance club that has become a friendly place for trans students on campus, so we’ve attracted several. Paradoxically, the fact that square dancing has gender roles (and the caller will say things like “boys run around the girls”) may have helped us get that reputation. It had become normal for dancers to dance both roles before we had many openly trans students. And I can change my (dance) gender just by taking a step to the right or the left when I join a square.
I’m told that some people were first able to publicly say “I’m a girl” in the context of their dance role right now.
It’s mostly a complete non-issue. I admit that I sometimes have a little trouble keeping track of pronouns, especially for people who don’t look much like their gender. When in doubt, use their name! But I’ve watched a few students go from awkwardly trying out various names and then confidently looking like the man or woman they are more comfortable as.
I was proud of myself last night for getting a kid’s pronouns right even though I was annoyed at a third party.
I do try hard to get everyone’s pronouns right, though, because it matters a lot to the trans kids. I’m actually one of the “safer dances coordinators” who is supposed to be a resource for people who are made uncomfortable by the behavior of other dancers. This can be a man hitting on a woman inappropriately, or the person who showed up one night wearing a police tracking anklet (we decided that he was not a danger to the group, and we should welcome him), or someone whose grip is too strong who risks hurting other dancers inadvertently. But it also means that I am sometimes asked to tell someone, usually someone even older than I am, to stop misgendering one of our dancers. The fact that I sometimes need to work to do this may help me communicate with other old fogeys. I understand that it can be hard, but it’s really important. We expect you to get it right.
But… it’s usually a non-issue.
I have talked with close friends about their hormone use, but I wouldn’t bring that up, any more than I’d ask someone any other medical stuff that’s none of my business.
yup. And learning new names and new pronouns can be hard. I find the new pronouns usually harder than the new names, probably because I have more practice learning new names.
I’ve worked with one person who transitioned, and it just didn’t come up in conversation. If she wanted to talk about it she would have, but she didn’t so we didn’t. I have worked with people who did mention that they had transitioned, but aside from knowing that they had there really wasn’t much to discuss.