# Explain big weddings **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 19, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506 "2014-07-19T03:29:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/21 "2014-07-19T14:18:44Z")
I think the answer to the OPs real question is this: It’s the only family reunion most families will ever throw. Its also a “reunion” to which you can invite old friends and current acquaintances who you’d like to draw further into the fold. It’s the major social event of most people’s lives, and there isn’t really another opportunity to do that before the funeral, which you _definitely_ won’t remember. So, if you’re not a person who likes to entertain, then I see why it doesn’t make sense. For me, I’d love to be able to throw a big party for all my friends and family, if only it didn’t include my ahvign to play princess all day long. I’m not a big fan of the being the center of attention, and although I enjoy nice clothes, having my dress be a primary conversation piece is not my style. DC - Bravo! which park are you using? That’s always been my dream wedding idea. A week in the woods with my friends and family. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/22 "2014-07-19T14:26:11Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > In fact the less “cookie cutter” you are, and the more you try to keep your costs down, the more time it takes to plan a wedding. > > Anyone can hire the most expensive cake maker on the block and they’ll probably get a nice result. But if you’re on a budget you have to check out a lot of different vendors, maybe going to multiple tastings at different spots, maybe visiting a lot of different bakers for quotes, to see the best thing you can get for your budget. It takes time to spend less or be different. Or maybe just don’t worry about it at all? I don’t recall ever going to a wedding and giving the slightest shit about what the cake looked or tasted like. Buy three similar shop-made cakes, place on pillars, stick figurines on top, add sparklers (optional)…bingo, thirty quid all in. I am an inverse snob when it comes to weddings though, the more money spent the tackier they tend to be. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/23 "2014-07-19T14:26:50Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > DC - Bravo! which park are you using? That’s always been my dream wedding idea. A week in the woods with my friends and family. Prince William Forest Park. It was (relatively) super cheap too. We were looking at other parks and outdoor venues around the DMV area and they were by far the cheapest; we started to reserve a camp out near Thurmont, MD, but we found Prince William Forest and it was 1/3 the price per night, $460 for the camp we wanted. They have 5 different cabin camps that sleep up to 200+, depending on the camp, some with lots of 4 and 6 person cabins, others with larger dorm-type cabins. They’re used as summer camps, so if you’ve ever been to summer camp, it’s exactly like that. I’ll let you know how it goes! ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/24 "2014-07-19T14:31:32Z")
As others said, a wedding may be one of the few or the _only_ big party some people throw in their entire lives. And everyone hopes _their_ marriage will stick and not end in an ugly divorce. So they want to make it memorable. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/25 "2014-07-19T14:34:55Z")
It’s also worth mentioning that the reason a person gives for quitting their job is often bullshit, because the real answer is “none of your business”, which is rude, or “personal”, which invited gossip and speculation. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/26 "2014-07-19T14:51:27Z")
I’d rather use the money to pay for a house/car/horse/medical bills ---
**Author:** ![suranyi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@suranyi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/suranyi)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/27 "2014-07-19T15:15:15Z")
I don’t think the issue is really big weddings vs. small. Fundamentally, some people like to have a lot of family and friends involved in their major life events, and some people don’t. Those who like to have a lot of people involved will have big weddings by default. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/28 "2014-07-19T15:26:37Z")
I can’t answer the question, because I don’t understand it either. But I will use this thread as an excuse to babble about my upcoming wedding, because my best friend’s mom is dying right now, so I can’t talk to her about it, and I’m trying to keep it off Facebook for complicated reasons involving an ex I don’t like but don’t hate enough to rub it in his face (although we did invite his recently and acrimoniously ex-girlfriend to the wedding, but not him!) So far, my budget is looking like $325. Ish. A third of that is the ring I want, which I feel a bit guilty over spending $99 on, but[isn’t it pretty](http://www.direct-jewelry.com/Rings/Diamond_Rings/Promise_Rings/catid/3/10K_Yellow_Gold_Diamond_Chevron_Ring/pid/13/3)?! Another $75 or so is on tableware, and that price tag is only so high because I want to use [compostable biodegradable stuff](http://www.webstaurantstore.com/green-wave-sugarcane-baggase-gs-p010-green-biodegradable-and-compostable-square-10-x-10-plate-75-pack/999GSP010.html) instead of china or plastic. The really ridiculous splurge will be on single piece disposable champagne flutes, 'cause I find the press together 2 piece style tacky. I mean, [$4.39 an 8 pack](http://www.webstaurantstore.com/fineline-flairware-2106-5-oz-clear-plastic-champagne-flute-1-piece-8-pack/9992106.html)? Are you kidding me? But yeah, it’s worth it to me for the look of the thing\*. Flowers will be picked up from Mariano’s - a grocery store chain near me that has ginormous beautiful arrangements for about $25. I figure two of 'em will do me for a quickly assembled bridal bouquet and tablepieces - which will be displayed in painted and glittered mason jars with glowsticks in the bottom so they shine when the sun goes down. Cake, about $75, also from Mariano’s. I don’t need a white tower of technically edible fondant. They’ve got adorable and actually tasty cakes in various sizes with the same decorations - a 6 inch, 9 inch and 12 inch in the same decorated style and secured with bamboo skewers will make a lovely tiered cake at a tenth the price of “wedding” cakes. Venue: nothin’. Officiant: nothin’. We’re doing it in the Officiant’s yard. She just happens to have beautiful gardens. Food and drink: nothin’; we’re potlucking it. Favors: S’mores in cello bags, with homemade cardstock tags with our names and the date. Haven’t priced this out yet, but I’m figuring about $20. There’s a firepit there, so I expect most people will happily eat their favors before they leave, and we’ll save one of the hang tags for a Christmas tree ornament. Dress: $12. Really, that’s the cost of two new-to-me skirts from resale, to be paired with a corset I already have but have never worn. Shoes: optional. \*And that’s really the answer to the OP, I think. Because just like I find 2 piece plastic champagne flutes tacky, someone else right now is having the vapors at the idea of compostable biodegradable plates at a potluck wedding. ---
**Author:** ![bobkitty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c67d28/32.png) [@bobkitty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobkitty)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/29 "2014-07-19T15:30:07Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Prince William Forest Park. That’s right down the street from me, where I regularly go to run/bike ride, and IT IS AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. I imagine it would be a lovely place for a wedding. Congrats and best of luck! ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/30 "2014-07-19T15:41:10Z")
Note that the SDMB is the worst place to ask about the appeal of big weddings, since frugality is a competitive sport here. ---
**Author:** ![mo50](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@mo50](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mo50)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/31 "2014-07-19T15:41:14Z")
I had a pretty big wedding, about 250 guests. My then wife was from a big, I guess sorta prominent, Iranian family, and her father felt enormous social obligation to invite everyone in the world. Ended up costing like 50 grand I think. Wed’ve preferred to get a keg of beer and a couple six foot hero sandwiches, get married in someone’s backyard, and take that money and put it into a house or potential kids college funds or whatever. Funny thing was, I remember sitting with my future father in law at his kitchen table as the invitation responses came back in, and he was relieved when someone sent regrets, jokingly upset when someone accepted! And the planning, and the food, and the band, and the photographer, and the flowers, and on and on and on. Yes, a huge industry and big business! ---
**Author:** ![mo50](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8797f3/32.png) [@mo50](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mo50)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/32 "2014-07-19T15:42:57Z")
If there is a next time I’m eloping! ---
**Author:** ![CT\_Damsel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CT\_Damsel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CT_Damsel)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/33 "2014-07-19T15:43:39Z")
I worked with a woman who went on and on ad nauseam about her wedding (when she should have been actually doing her job) including the price of food per guest for the reception. At the time our office was very busy and there was plenty of overtime. Every time she worked OT she would tell us how many guest meals she had covered. I was invited to her wedding and my gift was a check for the EXACT amount of the price she paid for my dinner:D Dear OP you are not a Grumpy Pants. IMO huge weddings are all about the pathetic brides shouting out to other women “look at me I am (finally) getting married.” FFIW I have been married twice. One large wedding to make the first groom happy and one lovely small intimate wedding that took me about an afternoon to plan and that groom was pleased. ---
**Author:** ![Macca26](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Macca26](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Macca26)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/34 "2014-07-19T15:47:12Z")
> [@Novelty\_Bobble](#): > > Or maybe just don’t worry about it at all? I don’t recall ever going to a wedding and giving the slightest shit about what the cake looked or tasted like. > > Buy three similar shop-made cakes, place on pillars, stick figurines on top, add sparklers (optional)…bingo, thirty quid all in. > > I am an inverse snob when it comes to weddings though, the more money spent the tackier they tend to be. You must not like cake then. My husband still leans back at least three times a year and says, “Remember how delicious our wedding cake was? When we’re back down in that area we should order another cake from that bakery”. We’ve even had guests remember the cake without prompting. A great cake is worth it, if you have any taste buds for cake at all. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/35 "2014-07-19T15:54:20Z")
Big weddings I get. Big party, all your family and friends, celebrating the biggest day of your life so far, yadda yadda yadda. Taking 6 months to plan that event, and going so far as to quit your job to do so? Nope - I can’t even. We managed to plan and execute a medium-sized wedding (100 guests) in a month and a half (engagement in mid-October, wedding on NYE). AND we managed to keep the entire thing a secret from everyone except our immediate family and wedding party. What I would like to know is who the fuck signs up to be a bridesmaid these days when you’re required to go to 14 showers and multiple bachelorette parties, and spend a month’s salary on shoes? ---
**Author:** ![Eva\_Luna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e495f1/32.png) [@Eva\_Luna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eva_Luna)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/36 "2014-07-19T15:57:46Z")
Also, what’s “big”? We had a shade under 100 people, but when the bride and groom are both about the last of their generation to get married, if you invite your first cousins, most are married, so you invite their spouses and kids too. Invite a dozen or two friends, and all of the sudden, you have 100 people. If our families weren’t all over the country and planet in some cases, and if we’d had a longer engagement that would have given people more time to plan and save money for travel, it could easily have been 150. And neither of us comes from a huge family. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/37 "2014-07-19T16:04:56Z")
> [@bobkitty](#): > > That’s right down the street from me, where I regularly go to run/bike ride, and IT IS AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL. I imagine it would be a lovely place for a wedding. Congrats and best of luck! Thank you! > [@Eva\_Luna](#): > > We had a shade under 100 people, but when the bride and groom are both about the last of their generation to get married, if you invite your first cousins, most are married, so you invite their spouses and kids too. Invite a dozen or two friends, and all of the sudden, you have 100 people. That’s what’s happened to us. We’re both the youngest unmarried adults in our respective families, so even restricting the guest list to our immediate families, aunts, uncles, first cousins, and a dozen or so of our closest friends (and everyone’s spouses and children) we still have 150+ people. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/38 "2014-07-19T16:09:41Z")
I don’t at all care what others do; whatever makes you happy, bride and groom, is the right choice. That said . . . I think weddings are one of the bizarre places where modern people are pressured to spend beyond well beyond what is reasonable for their incomes, because “it’s tradition,” “how can you let down Aunt Margie?” “what will people think if they don’t get the best cake/filet/favors/booze?” Most of life in a first world country is extravagance and luxury (IMHO), but somehow Jack and Jill middle-class are expected and pressured (culturally, if not directly from family) to spend inappropriate sums of money on a party. A few weeks (months?) back there was a short story on some NPR show about a couple using start-up companies for their wedding in Manhattan, to save a ton of money. “The average wedding in Manhattan costs $90,000,” said the reporter. Not once in the story about ‘quirky way to save money on a wedding’ did they mention that a $90k wedding is leagues beyond what most people in the country can afford or would spend. Reporting on what rich people do as if it’s what everybody does is a National Pastime, and does nasty things to our psyches. geez, sorry for the rant [/soapbox] ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/39 "2014-07-19T16:20:47Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > “The average wedding in Manhattan costs $90,000,” said the reporter. Not once in the story about ‘quirky way to save money on a wedding’ did they mention that a $90k wedding is leagues beyond what most people in the country can afford or would spend. > [/soapbox] Average rent in manhattan is $4,000/mo and that’s also more, by a factor of 10, than most people in the country can afford or would spend. In terms of buying a home, the average apartment in Manhattan costs $1300 **per square foot**. “The average sales price of Manhattan apartments spiked more than 30 percent over the past year to $1.774 million.” > **[Manhattan's Real Estate Prices Reach Record $1,363 a Square Foot](https://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20140401/upper-east-side/manhattans-real-estate-prices-reach-record-1363-foot/)** > > Tight inventory pushed the price to record levels, according to a market report. People who live in Manhattan, on the whole, are wealthy compared to most Americans. In fact, they are wealthy compared to most New Yorkers. Manhattan =/= New York City. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506/40 "2014-07-19T16:25:06Z")
> [@susan](#): > > We actually remember a great deal about it, including actually being at it. You had the right idea and I would even have enjoyed that. See next quote. > [@Nava](#): > > To me there seems to be an inverse relationship between how much harassed work has gone into preparing a wedding and how enjoyable it is. > [@even\_sven](#): > > OP, do you enjoy parties in general? (thinking) You mean since I stopped going to them to hook up or get shitfaced? Not usually. I have small panic attacks in crowds and am too deaf to hear people talk. I fear some people at Chidopes thought I was ignoring them when the reality is that I find it pointless to try to converse with people more than a couple feet away if the environment is the least bit noisy. So I stopped going. OTOH, in a few minutes I have to go to the company picnic. I “have to” because it’s held at a picnic shelter down the block–I have no excuse to skip it. And the dogs got their own invitation because they were such little ladies last year. > [@DCnDC](#): > > They have 5 different cabin camps that sleep up to 200+ Great. Honeymooning in a barracks with a bunch of family. 😉 > [@MandaJo](#): > > It’s also worth mentioning that the reason a person gives for quitting their job is often bullshit… There are no bullshit reasons for quitting this job. > [@WhyNot](#): > > A third of that is the ring I want, which I feel a bit guilty over spending $99 on, but[isn’t it pretty](http://www.direct-jewelry.com/Rings/Diamond_Rings/Promise_Rings/catid/3/10K_Yellow_Gold_Diamond_Chevron_Ring/pid/13/3)?! It’ll catch on your clothes. 😉 > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Note that the SDMB is the worst place to ask about the appeal of big weddings, since frugality is a competitive sport here. That’s what makes it the _best_ place! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-big-weddings/693506.md?page=3)