# Explain Helen Mirren's hotness (ridiculous/paranoid answers only please) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833 "2010-07-24T13:51:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/1 "2010-07-24T13:51:26Z")
Helen Mirren was well past 60 years old when the pictures [here](http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1035510/Helen-Mirren-bikini-queen-reigns-supreme-63.html)were taken. Explain her youthfulness with maximum paranoia and minimum rationality. 😃 You can even rate the previous poster’s answer on a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being a total nutjob), but I don’t insist. Go. ---
**Author:** ![Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Enter\_the\_Flagon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enter_the_Flagon)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/2 "2010-07-24T14:21:20Z")
She’s not that hot. What you think you’re experiencing as Mirren’s hotness is yet another of hundreds of examples of the brainwashing of the public (nationally and internationally) by that despicable Muslim Antichrist, Barack Hussein Obama. Mirren, like Obama, is a socialist bent on world domination, so she gets favored status over Anne Coulter - who is actually much hotter, foot-hands and all. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/3 "2010-07-24T14:25:37Z")
She would look like Mother Teresa if she didn’t have a painting of Dick Clark in her attic. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/4 "2010-07-24T14:40:34Z")
Deal with the devil. This would explain her role in _Caligula_. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/5 "2010-07-24T14:45:13Z")
She’s really a robot. ---
**Author:** ![Chicagojeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b19c9b/32.png) [@Chicagojeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicagojeff)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/6 "2010-07-24T14:46:48Z")
I just want to be interrogated by Miss Tennison in a private location… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/7 "2010-07-24T15:30:47Z")
I’ve heard tell of her hotness before. To me, she’s just a wrinkly old woman. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/8 "2010-07-24T15:34:13Z")
Bathing in the blood of virgins helps, and explains why she rarely lives in California. Mainly it’s the placental masks made from the afterbirth of her own children whom she sacrificed to Tiamat and various other deities, at least one of whom was actually switched for another babe and grew up to to be a black president (but I can’t say who). ---
**Author:** ![MEBuckner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mebuckner/32/2896_2.png) [@MEBuckner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MEBuckner)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/9 "2010-07-24T15:34:47Z")
Vampire. And/or bathes in the blood of virgins. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/10 "2010-07-24T15:46:35Z")
Vampire … but not the usual kind. She has learned how to fasten upon the souls of young actresses and singers and so forth and draw sustenance from them. Whenever they age/go batshit crazy, she gets younger and healthier. She is what happened to Britney Spears. And it looks like Lindsay Lohan is doing her one HELL of a lot of good! ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/11 "2010-07-24T15:49:46Z")
Two words: [Leech Woman](http://mst3k.wikia.com/wiki/The_Leech_Woman). ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/12 "2010-07-24T15:56:54Z")
> [@Chicagojeff](#): > > I just want to be interrogated by Miss Tennison in a private location… I just got a box set of all the Prime Suspect stories. I’m only halfway through, but by jings Helen Mirren is ridiculously sexy. _Ridiculously_. And she played The Queen! QEII! It’s a testament to her skill as an actress that she nailed that part so well. It is wrong to be thinking that given a chance that you’d jump yer Monarch’s bones ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/13 "2010-07-24T16:11:26Z")
Yeah, not hot. I mean, she’s an older woman, and she looks very good for her age. She takes care of herself, and may have had some work done. Good for her for taking care of herself, though. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/14 "2010-07-24T16:25:57Z")
It’s what she got in exchange for birthing Mordred. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/15 "2010-07-24T16:48:56Z")
> [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > Yeah, not hot. I mean, she’s an older woman, and she looks very good for her age. She takes care of herself, and may have had some work done. > > Good for her for taking care of herself, though. :mad: Which part of _ridiculous/paranoid answers only_ was unclear to you, LOUNE? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/16 "2010-07-24T16:56:22Z")
She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/17 "2010-07-24T16:59:21Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > > > Yeah, not hot. I mean, she’s an older woman, and she looks very good for her age. She takes care of herself, and may have had some work done. > > > > Good for her for taking care of herself, though. > > :mad: > > Which part of _ridiculous/paranoid answers only_ was unclear to you, LOUNE? Skald, don’t you get it yet? We’re polar opposites. If I post in a thread you start, I can’t get what you’re saying, like what you’re saying, or agree with you in any fashion. For example… Me:I’m an upstanding member of society and I like animals. You: You kick puppies and read bad books (read: sci fi). ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/18 "2010-07-24T17:01:09Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. Dude! As if the identity of the OP were not clue enough, both OP & thread title make it clear that you’re supposed to give a silly answer! And now to offer my own: It’s clear that Helen Mirren is clearly Galadriel, tossed out of the Undying Lands again, probably for pointing out that the Valar are a bunch of feckless wankers whose uselessness is exceeded only by the League of Nations. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/19 "2010-07-24T17:38:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. > > Dude! As if the identity of the OP were not clue enough, both OP & thread title make it clear that you’re supposed to give a silly answer! > > And now to offer my own: > > It’s clear that Helen Mirren is clearly Galadriel, tossed out of the Undying Lands again, probably for pointing out that the Valar are a bunch of feckless wankers whose uselessness is exceeded only by the League of Nations. That’s not silly at all. There’s far too much Tolkien stuff going on there. It reads like stereo instructions. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/20 "2010-07-24T17:44:35Z")
She vacationed in Florida. In the middle of the everglades she discovered the Fountain of Youth. She uses the Holy Grail to drink the water, the Grail itself was a gift from an early lover. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833.md?page=2)