# Explain Helen Mirren's hotness (ridiculous/paranoid answers only please) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 24, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833 "2010-07-24T13:51:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/21 "2010-07-24T18:12:27Z")
She’s actually Marilyn Monroe’s clone. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/22 "2010-07-24T18:39:16Z")
> [@Baron\_Greenback](#): > > > [@Chicagojeff](#): > > > > I just want to be interrogated by Miss Tennison in a private location… > > I just got a box set of all the Prime Suspect stories. I’m only halfway through, but by jings Helen Mirren is ridiculously sexy. _Ridiculously_. > > And she played The Queen! QEII! It’s a testament to her skill as an actress that she nailed that part so well. > > It is wrong to be thinking that given a chance that you’d jump yer Monarch’s bones I wouldn’t mind nailing that part myself. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/23 "2010-07-24T18:52:37Z")
She isn’t hot. The fact that you all think she is just means THEY’VE gotten to you. Why won’t anyone listen to me? You have to listen to me! Helen Mirren is not even human. She’s a monster, A MONSTER I TELL YOU! **OH GOD THEY’RE COMING THROUGH THE WALLS! NO!** ggggggggg hgjh tu g po;. /";;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; ---
**Author:** ![What\_Exit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/what_exit/32/10652_2.png) [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/24 "2010-07-24T18:53:35Z")
Clearly Photoshopped! [RIGHT] What Someone had to say it.[/RIGHT] ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/25 "2010-07-24T19:05:45Z")
> [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > > > She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. > > > > Dude! As if the identity of the OP were not clue enough, both OP & thread title make it clear that you’re supposed to give a silly answer! > > > > And now to offer my own: > > > > It’s clear that Helen Mirren is clearly Galadriel, tossed out of the Undying Lands again, probably for pointing out that the Valar are a bunch of feckless wankers whose uselessness is exceeded only by the League of Nations. > > That’s not silly at all. There’s far too much Tolkien stuff going on there. It reads like stereo instructions. It is grammatically incorrect to use the words _too_, _much_, & _Tolkien_ in the same clause, in that order, without a negation word nearby. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/26 "2010-07-24T19:38:12Z")
Interesting, Skald started this thread after I commented on Helen’s hotness in another thread which confirms my suspicion that Skald is stalking me. I think he wants to be my nemesis or something but that position has been filled. Anyway, to answer the question, she’s hot because I said she’s hot and it’s all in the attitude. ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/27 "2010-07-24T20:01:36Z")
I don’t know but I am sure it involves someone waking up in a Hotel bathroom in a bath tub filled with ice with “Call an Ambulance” written in blood on a mirror. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/28 "2010-07-24T20:56:15Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > Interesting, Skald started this thread after I commented on Helen’s hotness in another thread which confirms my suspicion that Skald is stalking me. I think he wants to be my nemesis or something but that position has been filled. > > Anyway, to answer the question, she’s hot because I said she’s hot and it’s all in the attitude. Why does the fact that we agree on Mirren’s hotness lead you to think I hold some animus against you? I started to quote you in the OP but couldn’t be arsed. Actually I remember having a reason, but I don’t recall what it was exactly. Something about pickles. ---
**Author:** ![Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aji_de_gallina/32/260_2.png) [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aji_de_Gallina)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/29 "2010-07-24T21:13:55Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. You’ve said many things here in the SDMB, you’ve mocked my most cherised beliefs in religion, politics and several other things, but THIS ONE goes in your permanent record, for this offense there can only be forgiveness after several rounds of public humiliation…or crossbows at 20 paces. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/30 "2010-07-24T22:12:14Z")
> [@](#): > > Why does the fact that we agree on Mirren’s hotness lead you to think I hold some animus against you? > > I started to quote you in the OP but couldn’t be arsed. Actually I remember having a reason, but I don’t recall what it was exactly. Something about pickles. Kosher Dill or Sweet Gherkins? ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/31 "2010-07-24T22:16:14Z")
some consider her attractive while others do not ijust further evidences how diabolical [reptilian shape shifting](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Icke#Reptilians_and_shape-shifting) is not only does she appear in human form, but _she can appear in different human forms to different humans at the same time_ no coincidence that david icke and helen mirren are both English. be living in close proximity to the queen of the reptilians (mirren), [david icke](http://www.davidicke.com/) (savior of humanity) was able to crack the global conspiracy. get off your knees, people!111 HELEN MIRRENS BOOBS WILL ENSLAVE US ALL!!! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/32 "2010-07-24T22:16:29Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > Why does the fact that we agree on Mirren’s hotness lead you to think I hold some animus against you? > > > > I started to quote you in the OP but couldn’t be arsed. Actually I remember having a reason, but I don’t recall what it was exactly. Something about pickles. > > Kosher Dill or Sweet Gherkins? I don’t keep track of these things. I’m too busy plotting ways to trick Helen Mirren into removing the pseudo-organic covering she uses to hide her true face. The Visitors are among us. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/33 "2010-07-24T22:17:33Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. > > You’ve said many things here in the SDMB, you’ve mocked my most cherised beliefs in religion, politics and several other things, but THIS ONE goes in your permanent record, for this offense there can only be forgiveness after several rounds of public humiliation…or crossbows at 20 paces. Not to mention that 50 years ago she was a 15 year old girl. ---
**Author:** ![Terminus\_Est](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/terminus_est/32/3087_2.png) [@Terminus\_Est](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terminus_Est)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/34 "2010-07-24T22:21:16Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > HELEN MIRRENS BOOBS WILL ENSLAVE US ALL!!! I would gladly be enslaved by Helen Mirren’s boobs. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/35 "2010-07-24T22:39:39Z")
> [@Aji\_de\_Gallina](#): > > You’ve said many things here in the SDMB, you’ve mocked my most cherised beliefs in religion, politics and several other things, but THIS ONE goes in your permanent record, for this offense there can only be forgiveness after several rounds of public humiliation…or crossbows at 20 paces. Ooh ooh crossbows! Crossbows! Please let it be crossbows! I’ll sell T-shirts and split the proceeds with the winner. > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I started to quote you in the OP but couldn’t be arsed. Actually I remember having a reason, but I don’t recall what it was exactly. Something about pickles. Perhaps it was that[Vivian Pickles](http://www.google.com/images?q=vivian%20pickles&oe=utf-8&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&hl=en&tab=wi&biw=1566&bih=818) (bk4 _Harold & Maude_ [Harold’s mother], _Elizabeth R_ [Mary Q of Scots] or _Candleshoe_ [sister of Leo McKern’s character] or _Nicholas & Alexandra_ [Nadezdha Krupskaya Lenina]) is way hotter than Helen Mirren because she keeps her body natural and you’d love to eat Korean barbecue off of it while gypsies sang while imprisoned in one of those giant artificial snow globes? ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/36 "2010-07-24T23:50:44Z")
> [@A Monkey With a Gun](#): > > some consider her attractive while others do not ijust further evidences how diabolical [reptilian shape shifting](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Icke#Reptilians_and_shape-shifting) is > > not only does she appear in human form, but _she can appear in different human forms to different humans at the same time_ no coincidence that david icke and helen mirren are both English. > > be living in close proximity to the queen of the reptilians (mirren), [david icke](http://www.davidicke.com/) (savior of humanity) was able to crack the global conspiracy. > > get off your knees, people!111 > > HELEN MIRRENS BOOBS WILL ENSLAVE US ALL!!! What a relief to see someone else talking sense for a change! ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/37 "2010-07-25T00:03:49Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > > > > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > > > > > > > She looks very fit for her age, which is probably a combination of good genes and good health habits, but I wouldn’t say she’s “hot” anymore. She was hot like 50 years ago. > > > > > > Dude! As if the identity of the OP were not clue enough, both OP & thread title make it clear that you’re supposed to give a silly answer! > > > > > > And now to offer my own: > > > > > > It’s clear that Helen Mirren is clearly Galadriel, tossed out of the Undying Lands again, probably for pointing out that the Valar are a bunch of feckless wankers whose uselessness is exceeded only by the League of Nations. > > > > That’s not silly at all. There’s far too much Tolkien stuff going on there. It reads like stereo instructions. > > It is grammatically incorrect to use the words _too_, _much_, & _Tolkien_ in the same clause, in that order, without a negation word nearby. Sorry. _Far_ too much Tolkien. Then again, any Tolkien could be far too much Tolkien. The movies were solid, though. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/38 "2010-07-25T00:05:13Z")
i think the real cover being blown is that as guys, all we want to see in women is a pair of tits. don’t believe me? look at the helen mirren pictures where it’s just her face then come back and tell me she’s hot. ok. now go back and stare at the bikini pic. she’s hot right? both pedestrian AND a conspiracy… OR she’s a blood sucking succubus of the night who drinks koala placenta out of the grail. i think dan brown’s writing a novel about it. spielburg’s adapting it for Indy V. ---
**Author:** ![chrisk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6de8d8/32.png) [@chrisk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chrisk)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/39 "2010-07-25T00:07:25Z")
> [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](#): > > > [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > > > It is grammatically incorrect to use the words _too_, _much_, & _Tolkien_ in the same clause, in that order, without a negation word nearby. > > Sorry. > > _Far_ too much Tolkien. Then again, any Tolkien could be far too much Tolkien. The movies were solid, though. Okay, come on now. **Far** is NOT a negation word!! ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833/40 "2010-07-25T00:14:27Z")
It means that the anti-aging serum I have been testing on unsupecting chinese take-out food patrons across the world is WORKING! WORKING I TELL YOU! and they called me mad at the university. except at the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority house were they called me “Big Meat” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-helen-mirrens-hotness-ridiculous-paranoid-answers-only-please/547833.md?page=3)