Explain "retirement" to me

In My Humble Opinion
61

That doesn’t really shed any light on it. You’re just providing another example of someone who seems content to just sort of float through life without worrying about future consequences. I knew several people like that. Best case they muddle through life, subsidized either directly or indirectly by a well-meaning social circle. Worse case was a high school classmate of mine who drifted from job to job, burned all his bridges, ended up homeless, and was eventually beaten to death by another homeless man.

I am not a psychologist or anything, but the OP describes growing up in a “messy but upper-middle class” home. So I think on some level there is that combination of affluence and normalization of a chaotic home life. Like they look around and see how unhappy and miserable the people actually earning the money but because they reap the benefit of growing up in that sort of lifestyle, they don’t develop any sense of urgency for building their own future.

At least until they find themselves at 40 sleeping in their car.

There may be some underlying minor mental problems there as well with some of these individuals. OCD, ADHD, depression, autism, substance abuse or any number of other conditions can cause someone to lack motivation or prioritize poorly.

62

Oops sorry, I missed that. I do pay for term life at about $60/mo, because I don’t want her to suddenly have to pay all the household expenses on her own if something were to happen to me.

I think it’s a 20 year term or thereabouts. I got it when I was younger, at a more unstable point in my life, and I figured if I died suddenly, at least I’d leave some money behind to various friends and charities.

No whole life. Too expensive.

63

The homelessness was quite a while ago, thankfully (nearly two decades now?). And yes, my childhood was a comfortable but unpleasant one, and there are entire stories I could tell about that… some other time, lol. We don’t have to turn a “what is retirement” thread into full-blown online psychotherapy.

I was just sharing some basic background because someone asked, so for now, you’ll just have to take my word for it that most of that is no longer an issue, thankfully.

64

Sorry if I’m being pissy, but one aspect of financial responsibility is having a clear idea what you are paying and why. You are kinda talking out of both sides of your mouth. You got it some yrs ago to leave something to charity, but now you want it to help your current GF pay household expenses? How strapped would your GF be if you die? And what, exactly, is the 20 yr term? What is the death payout?

I’d suggest you might be better off investing $720/year yourself.

65

Excuse me for working my butt off since I was 11 years old. I didn’t ‘float’ anywhere. Did you quote something wrong?

This is very, very insulting.

66

Read that again; the reference was to your “favorite nephew”, not to you.

67

OK. The quote was of what I said and had nothing to do with my nephew. I would agree that he is just floating through life though.

My nephews folks have money. So of course vote for DJT. And will, I assume will save my nephew in the end.

I’m swimming. Swimming hard.

68

It does seem like the OP is starting to realize that it’s time to put some thought to this. I’ll add that as a single 40 year old man, he probably doesn’t have a will or other estate plan in place. If so, a girlfriend isn’t likely to inherit anything if he were to die intestate. So he should at least make sure that she is listed as a beneficiary on any accounts or life insurance that he does want her to have, and think about if an estate plan is needed as he starts to accumulate assets.

69

Vacations are important to one’s mental health and I have fond memories of them from my younger days. Some were basically free, like wilderness camping, others cost some money, like a winter Caribbean vacation at an all-inclusive resort, but I always tried to minimize money spent on vacations. Caribbean vacations were an occasional rather than any sort of annual event. Even in my youth, I generally valued tangible assets more than “experiences”. I bought my first house at a relatively young age and owning real estate has always been one of my chief financial pillars.

70

Some people, not necessarily @Reply, complain that they are unable to save for retirement while simultaneously spending big on vacations or eating out all the time or other voluntary expenses. Saving for retirement may require some discipline.

71

This statement is true of everything about funding your old age.

I was really fortunate in that regard, because I married a brilliant, very risk-averse engineer (most engineers are risk-averse in my experience). He found a good state university job as an undergrad and stayed with it, climbing those pay rungs, until retirement. It didn’t pay anything like as well as a job in private industry but it was protected from the volatility of the tech industry, and he got invested in the system before they starting gutting pensions and benefits. Of course he got full social security benefits as well, because he was steadily and well-employed his whole working life, and carefully waited for the optimal moment to begin the payouts. We are now retired and have a very comfortable income. This is the 1950’s middle class ideal that no longer exists; we are the last generation to benefit from it, i think.

72

I was referring to the “laid back nephew with the degree in anthropology” you mentioned in your response to @Dinsdale’s question about the OP’s level of financial ignorance and lack of future planning. Why would you think I’m talking about you?

73

That’s good. I think one of the main things people neglect to focus on is that a big part of retiring is earning enough money so that you have extra to save. Not to mention being able to afford to live the life you want.

74

I’m sorry @msmith537 . I jumped the gun on that. I did not read close enough. You did say “You provided another example…” I read it as “You are another example…”

75

This is an important point. Yes, pay yourself first by shaving off long-term savings from your income before you can spend it. But, when you meet your monthly savings target (or it is automatically saved from your paycheck) by all means live a little. Go out to eat, see a show, plan a trip. It’s not an either/or decision all the time, but one of balance. However, the longer one waits to achieve that balance, the more impact the delay will have on either your saving or your spending habit.

My son started his first big-boy job this year and was concerned about his saving and spending now that he’s a salary man. Once he got his savings plan established I urged him to spend some of his unclaimed cash on something he’d enjoy, or start planning a vacation, or whatever. It shouldn’t be all work and no play. Even if you are starting late to this game - allow some space to enjoy life.

76

Man, you really are good at digging up all the rabbit holes :wink: I hope you’ll believe me when I say that I’m not trying to be secretive here, it’s just that this thread is already pretty long, and if we were to chase every single tangential thread, it would never end. It’s the sort of thing that might be fun to chat about over a beer or ten, but here it would just go on forever, with every minor detail under a forensic microscope.

Long story short, both those things are true. I did get it when I was younger. Then I added her as a beneficiary. This policy is mostly just a carryover from my life before her. It’s one of the many small things we’ll likely reexamine if my job situation improves, or we get married, or decide to join more finances, or buy a house together, or whatever. We’re figuring it out one step at a time. In the meantime, it’s just peace of mind.

As a minority, I don’t always feel safe in the US. That doesn’t mean I live every moment in fear, but it is a risk factor I shouldn’t just ignore. I look Chinese, even though I’m not. I got the policy during COVID. A few months later the anti-Asian shootings happened. “People like you” and “go back to your country” are refrains thrown at me from time to time. In the wrong areas, if I say the wrong things, I’m just one gun-toting conservative away from death. I have had warning shots fired at me before. The Japanese internment camps weren’t that long ago. Nationalism is on the rise again, and if relations with China continue to deteriorate, I’ll be a target once more. I can’t count on a conservative Supreme Court and a red government to care enough to protect people like me.

Now, I don’t want to exaggerate and make it seem like I’m just narrowly avoiding murder around every street corner. It’s not like that. Day-to-day, it’s been fine, and in fact I do live in a purple town and even have a few conservative friends (who I’m quite certain are not out to get me).

But for $60/mo, it’s one less thing to worry about while we ride out these next few years/decades. Even if I saved it all, in retirement that would add up to, what, maybe $60k if I’m lucky? It wouldn’t be a whole lot. But if something were to happen to me in the interim, at least it buys my partner some time to figure out next steps without risking her ability to pay rent, her credit, burial fees, etc. Whatever, it’s just one more smaller detail I don’t have the mental bandwidth to fully optimize right now.

Right now I’m focusing on trying to work as much as I can as a freelancer, and trying to negotiate for a full-time job with benefits again. The rest of the puzzle pieces will hopefully fall into place, in time.

77

I tried to point out your error.

78

One easy thing you can do is set your gf as a beneficiary on all bank, financial, and retirement accounts. That way if you die, the accounts go to her and don’t go through any sort of estate/probate process. It’s generally very easy to list beneficiaries. Log into your financial account website and somewhere there will be a place to list beneficiaries. It takes a few minutes and can be changed at anytime. Well, you can change it at anytime before you die, that is :slight_smile: Any accounts or assets which are in both of your names will generally go to her when you die (e.g. the house in both of your names).

If you don’t set beneficiaries and you don’t have a will, then your assets will be distributed according to the Intestate rules for your state. That will typically mean that relatives, perhaps distant relatives, would inherit everything.

79

Hmm, good reminder :slight_smile:

But I don’t have much in terms of liquid cash (i.e. bank accounts). What’s the equivalent thing to do in order to pass on my non-cash possessions (car, sporting goods, etc.)? Drafting a will?

80

Some states allow you to file a Transfer on Death notice for your car. More commonly, a Transfer on Death Deed is used for transferring home or property ownership upon death. But some states allow you to file a similar document to transfer your car’s ownership to someone else upon your death. You can search for “Transfer on death car yourstate” and see what comes up. You might be able to file a TOD for other property which is registered in your name, like jet skis, boats, etc.

For all the other random stuff like furniture, knick-knacks, collectibles, etc., you would need a will to transfer it to your gf. But in reality, it would be too expensive and time consuming for a relative to fight your gf for typical house contents. For anything which is not registered in your name, your gf could just say you gave it to her. So if you have some nice fishing poles and rare Pokemon cards, it would be very difficult for a relative to take that kind of stuff.

You may be able to do a really simple will yourself. Lookup “holographic will yourstate”. A holographic will is a hand-written will that you can do on your own and don’t need witnesses. Even if it’s not done perfectly, the judge would take it into consideration if a relative were to take the case to court. But I wouldn’t count on a holographic will for major things like financial accounts. If you’ve setup beneficiaries for everything major, then the holographic will could be used for all the minor household stuff.