# Explain the absurdity of infidelity games **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 18, 2013, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301 "2013-03-18T21:50:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2013, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301/21 "2013-03-19T18:16:18Z")
Person A is having an affair - it’s just for fun, it doesn’t mean anything. When their partner - person B starts doing the same thing person A can’t be sure that it’s just for fun and it doesn’t mean anything because when they tell person B that it’s just for fun and it doesn’t really mean anything that’s not what they’re telling person C who they’re shagging on the side. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301/22 "2013-03-20T00:28:40Z")
> [@grude](#): > > Seriously why not just agree to be in an open relationship if both partners want to boink other people? People. Are. Idiots. Three words that will cover a variety of situations; keep them in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301/23 "2013-03-20T18:12:26Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > You know what else would help DNA spread? If we allowed people to run around all day with no clothing. Public sex on the sidewalks. Murdering your sexual competition. Rape. Yet somehow we’ve transcended such anti-social behavior by and large, even though they would be reproductive advantages. So no, I don’t think it’s “explained,” it’s just moved the question a bit. Why do we still cheat and create drama over it but we don’t have stranger sex at Starbucks? And yet those will spread _ **everyone’s** _ DNA, not any particular person’s. The individual is best served by suppressing everyone else’s DNA spread, while surrepitously spreading their own. They don’t just want their partner to be faithful, they want everyone else to be celebate. Or, if not celebate, at least not doing things that encourage others to get on the spread your seed bandwagon. No, I don’t think this is a full explanation of what’s going on, either for specific couples, or in general. People’s behavior is not just a rubberstamping of basic urges. Individuals make decisions and groups evolve social rules. But I do think that there can be an inborn propensity to feel that fooling around oneself is good, and/or an automatic feeling of anger when discovering one’s mate mating elsewhere, and/or an urge to suppress others in general from mating. That doesn’t mean that everyone has all those propensities, or that everyone who has them all will act on them. But if you’re pondering why people engage in infidelity drama, those might be background urges. The urges might not be sufficient to cause the behavior, but they might be contributory. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301/24 "2013-03-20T19:30:08Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > Yes, this is all it is. The male needs to spread his genes as widely as possible. The female needs to secure a stable provider for her offspring while at the same time securing the best genetic sire. At the same time, both need to secure a stable economic unit for continuing prosperity while also seeking options if things go south. It’s all competing genetic and material impulses. The urge to couple and seek fidelity is just as strong as the urge to seek variety. Damn **Acsenray** , you just blew my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Incubus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c68b51/32.png) [@Incubus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Incubus)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2013, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301/25 "2013-03-20T20:13:00Z")
I think the answer is simple. Its about _power_. If you are having an affair, you are ‘powerful’ in the sense that you can take what you want, when you want. You get the best of both worlds (which explains why some cheaters don’t simply leave their spouse if the mistress is so great). When someone is cheating on you, you don’t have the same power, in fact you are powerless- someone else out there is more important/special than you are, and it ‘takes away’ from your own sense of self. Plus, I think for some cheaters, it kills that ‘rush’ they might get if they know their spouse is screwing around behind their back too. There’s a certain sense of empowerment for people to feel like they are _getting away with something_. Its the same deal with kleptomaniacs who steal dumb stuff. But if someone does it back to you, it seems to cancel out that feeling. I guess, I dunno. People aren’t rational. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-the-absurdity-of-infidelity-games/653301.md?page=1)