# Explain to me these "Confucius say.." **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 9, 2006, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961 "2006-08-09T03:55:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Aquafina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/50afbb/32.png) [@Aquafina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquafina)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/1 "2006-08-09T03:55:14Z")
Where is the humor in these lines ? - "Confucius say, baseball wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk " - "Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house " - “Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants” - "Confucius say, couple on seven day honeymoon make whole week " - "Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent " …and more to come. Thanks ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/2 "2006-08-09T03:59:16Z")
[QUOTE=Aquafina] - "Confucius say, baseball wrong. Man with four balls not able to walk " [/quote] Play on two meanings of “ball”- in this case, four balls equals a walk in baseball, but it’s hard to walk with four testicles. > [@](#): > > - "Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house " To put someone in the doghouse is a slang term to kick him out of the house. A “cat house” is a term for a bordello or whorehouse. > [@](#): > > - "Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent " A pun on “in tent.” ---
**Author:** ![Rysto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ecccb3/32.png) [@Rysto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysto)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/3 "2006-08-09T04:07:41Z")
[QUOTE=Aquafina] - “Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants” [/quote] You can’t put pants on without lifting your feet off of the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/4 "2006-08-09T04:08:06Z")
[QUOTE=Aquafina] - "Confucius say, couple on seven day honeymoon make whole week " [/QUOTE] A pun for “make hole weak”; excessive intercourse will overstress the vagina. ---
**Author:** ![Aquafina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/50afbb/32.png) [@Aquafina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquafina)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/5 "2006-08-09T04:15:56Z")
[QUOTE=Rysto] You can’t put pants on without lifting your feet off of the ground. [/QUOTE] Is it the literal meaning ? I still can’t see the humor. May be it is just me :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/6 "2006-08-09T04:26:50Z")
And of course you must add “in bed” to the end to fully appreciate the wisdom of confucius. ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/7 "2006-08-09T04:35:42Z")
[QUOTE=Aquafina] Is it the literal meaning ? I still can’t see the humor. May be it is just me :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] The conflict of the literal meaning and the metaphoric is where the comedy comes from. “Keep your feet on the ground” is the sort of thing one expects to see on an office-wall inspirational poster with a picture of a mountain or a tree. The logistical difficulties of such a position are not expected, and the unexpected is funny. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/8 "2006-08-09T04:37:34Z")
My favorite: Confucius say, passionate kiss is like spider’s web: it lead to undoing of fly. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/9 "2006-08-09T04:43:43Z")
[quote] - “Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants” [\quote] At least in the U.S., a man who “keeps his feet on the ground” is metaphorically emotionally grounded, sure footed, and not easy to shake up. The ‘saying’ is a play on that metaphor, suggesting that being too stable can be its own kind of handicap. Alternatively, the ‘saying’ is just being silly. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/10 "2006-08-09T04:55:08Z")
Some I remember: Confucius say “Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.” Confucius say “Virginity is like a bubble. One prick, all gone.” Confucius say “Learn to masturbate - come in handy.” Confucius say “Man who sit on thumbtack will get the point.” Confucius say “Man who buy many prunes get good run for his money.” Confucius say “Man who laughs last does not get joke.” ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Bruin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e274bd/32.png) [@Queen\_Bruin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Bruin)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/11 "2006-08-09T04:56:50Z")
“Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.” “Confucius say, man with hand in pocket not crazy, just feeling nuts.” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/12 "2006-08-09T04:58:15Z")
Confucius say, “The way of the superior man is threefold, but I am not equal to it. Virtuous, he is free from anxieties; wise, he is free from perplexities; bold, he is free from fear.” OK, it’s not funny. But Confucius [did](http://www.humanistictexts.org/confucius.htm#_Toc483366191) say it! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/13 "2006-08-09T04:59:25Z")
All right then, how about: Confucius say: “Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger!” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/14 "2006-08-09T05:02:51Z")
More metaphorically, perfect stability also means you’ll never accomplish anything, since some expenditure (and thus risk) is necessary to get a return. Confucius say “Posters who overthink lame joke, waste … uh, time.” It wasn’t one of his best. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/15 "2006-08-09T05:10:14Z")
I remember this one, **very clearly,** from the jokes page of _Boys’ Life_ (the magazine of the Boy Scouts USA) some time in the '70s: “Confucius say: ‘Girl who try to be walking encyclopedia should remember: Reference books are never taken out!’” It has some undeniable cultural-historical relevance . . . ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/16 "2006-08-09T05:55:25Z")
Confucius say “Man who fish in another man’s well catch crabs.” ---
**Author:** ![Standard\_Nathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Standard\_Nathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Standard_Nathan)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/17 "2006-08-09T06:04:19Z")
the one that made me laugh the most was: Confucius say, “man who go to airplane lavatory during turbulance going to Bangkok.” [Bangkok=bang cock] ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/18 "2006-08-09T08:33:18Z")
[QUOTE=Aquafina] - "Confucius say, couple on seven day honeymoon make whole week " [/QUOTE] Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘making time’ used to connote making out? He’s saying they’ll be in bed the whole time, or at least very pleasantly indisposed. ---
**Author:** ![Martiju](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e8c25b/32.png) [@Martiju](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martiju)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/19 "2006-08-09T08:52:39Z")
[QUOTE=Derleth] Haven’t you ever heard the phrase ‘making time’ used to connote making out? He’s saying they’ll be in bed the whole time, or at least very pleasantly indisposed. [/QUOTE] Well possibly - but the ‘make hole weak’ is far more inkeeping with the style - and funnier (given that your definition is pretty obvious, and the humour is in reading the second meaning). ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2006, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961/20 "2006-08-09T12:26:00Z")
Woman who fly upside-down have hairy crack up. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-me-these-confucius-say/367961.md?page=2)