# Explain to my friend why I'm awesome! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 1, 2007, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303 "2007-06-01T04:29:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/1 "2007-06-01T04:29:43Z")
I need no introduction. You all\* know me and are keenly aware of my numerous good qualities. Anyways, as usual, I was discussing the implications of my awesomeness with a friend of mine and, at one point, we had this exchange: **Friend** : You know, we’ve been talking about the ramifications of your awesomeness for many years now… **Me** : You mean many _months_… **Friend** : Ah…yes, only months eh? Anyways, we’ve been talking about it for a while but you never explained to me exactly _why_ you were awesome. Is it possible you might…_not_ be awesome? And of course, as a man of great humility, I could not start listing the reasons to her (not to mention I would get tired of typing them after a few hours). And thusly, this thread was created. Now please. Let’s not make this embarassing. No more than one reason per person. \*If for some reason (you’re new to the board, you were in a coma for the past 5 years, you have amnesia, etc.) you do not have any idea who I am, it’s ok. Just say whatever comes from the heart, whatever you feel is right. For science, justice and apple pie. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/2 "2007-06-01T18:18:56Z")
Why are you awesome, your friend asks? Well…you just _are_! See, I knew that, and I don’t even know you. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Zeriel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/58956e/32.png) [@Zeriel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeriel)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/3 "2007-06-01T18:32:33Z")
_looks at responses__listens to crickets_ I’d try to jump-start this by asking about how _I’M_ awesome so you could crib, but that’d be too easy for folks. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/4 "2007-06-01T18:35:11Z")
Gozu is as awesome As a big ol’ possum. Even dressed in gossamer Gozu couldn’t be awesomer. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/5 "2007-06-01T20:00:33Z")
You’re awesome because your user name always reminds me of [this guy](http://mynameisearlkress.com/weblog/gonzo.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/6 "2007-06-01T20:10:35Z")
Well, I can say a few things about your username that seem pretty awesome to me. Gozu is a very unique Japanese film, and it’s also the name of the horse-head demon in Buddhist Hell. Awesome! ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/7 "2007-06-01T20:11:39Z")
By describing your alleged awesomeness, I would be acting contrary to my own self-interest. You see, as a fellow human I am in direct competition with you for things such as resources, women, etc. Of course, this would be different if I had reason to feel that it _was_ in my direct self-interest to tout your virtues. _cough cough_ _sticks open palm under the table_ (hint: a 50 will work) ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2007, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/8 "2007-06-01T20:13:36Z")
You’ve managed not to kill any Swedish midgets in a road rage encounter within the last five minutes.\* That’s pretty awesome. \*As far as I know. ---
**Author:** ![racer72](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/racer72/32/3075_2.png) [@racer72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racer72)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/9 "2007-06-02T00:27:03Z")
Gozu is the greatest, he offered to give me a bunch of money for no reason. What a guy!!! Small unmarked bills please or I let the cat out of the bag. ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/10 "2007-06-02T00:31:49Z")
'Cuz you’re here, asking the coolest people on the planet to vouch for you, and we are? ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/11 "2007-06-02T00:39:29Z")
You’re awesome because you walk around chanting _**A-W-E-S-O-M-E! AWESOME! AWESOME! AWESOME AM ME!**_ Well, maybe it’s _in spite_ of that fact… ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/12 "2007-06-02T00:54:53Z")
Because you can kick Chuck Norris’ ass? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/13 "2007-06-02T01:41:39Z")
You’re awesome because you’d buy me a drink, obviously. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2007, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/14 "2007-06-02T11:54:57Z")
**Gozu** , tell your friend that you are _almost_ as awesome as Me. By comparing yourself to a Universally Beloved Figure™, such as myself, you will deeply impress your friend, make his/her eyes fill with Wonder, & maybe get him/her to sleep with you. Does that help? ---
**Author:** ![Gozu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gozu/32/6615_2.png) [@Gozu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gozu)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/15 "2007-06-06T19:10:32Z")
My dear _friends_ , I’m afraid that by setting such a gloriously compelling model for all humans…no…all apes to follow, I might have done us all a disservice. As you all know, modesty is my greatest virtue. Is it excessive? Maybe, I don’t know. I’m too humble to presume one way or the other. But as the Inuits of the himalaya used to say, “too much of a good thing can be excessive”. I know, not very bright those Inuits…but a kind and noble people all the same. Kinda short though, the women might want to wear some high heels…and maybe bras. Good folks, good folks but anyways, moving onward! I believe that in your most commendable zeal to protect me from all the despicable, envious haters who await but one slip to accuse me of arrogance or selfishness, you may have been far too cautious in your comments. I’m here to lower my head and smile benevolently at you all and tell you, shout at you with _glee_ and…um…wisdom (sort of a _wisdom-glee_ shout, if you will), to stand up for yourself and let the truth be heard. No anecdote is flattering enough, no story is crazy enough, no eulogy is effusive enough to make a statement! A definite statement about freedom, liberty and my awesomeness. This is your time! Shine, my darlings, shine! And bless your fibrous, pulsing hearts. Me. ---
**Author:** ![Rasa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rasa/32/3578_2.png) [@Rasa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rasa)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/16 "2007-06-06T19:18:53Z")
The cow headed beast of Buddhist “hell”. Hrm. Awesomely feared, perhaps. ---
**Author:** ![Shecky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@Shecky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shecky)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/17 "2007-06-06T19:23:27Z")
Is it because you can produce an amazing amount of monkey-centric porn at a moment’s notice? ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/18 "2007-06-06T20:01:31Z")
[QUOTE=Shecky] Is it because you can produce an amazing amount of monkey-centric porn at a moment’s notice? [/QUOTE] Bangin’ Bonobos was wicked hot. Or so I’ve heard. From complete strangers. Um… Saaaaay, that’s a nice hat. ---
**Author:** ![DiggitCamara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df788c/32.png) [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/19 "2007-06-06T22:27:14Z")
[QUOTE=Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor] **Gozu** , tell your friend that you are _almost_ as awesome as Me. By comparing yourself to a Universally Beloved Figure™, such as myself, you will deeply impress your friend, make his/her eyes fill with Wonder, & maybe get him/her to sleep with you. Does that help? [/QUOTE] Actually, you should tell your friend you’re awesome simply because you happened, by _ **mere chance** _ to subscribe to the same message board _I_ had subscribed to. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2007, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303/20 "2007-06-06T23:31:46Z")
You post to the Dope. What possible further proof of innate awesomeness could anyone need? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explain-to-my-friend-why-im-awesome/406303.md?page=2)