# Explaining to family member that logic does not work as antidote to emotion **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 14, 2020, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427 "2020-01-14T22:11:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [January 15, 2020, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/21 "2020-01-15T17:05:07Z")
> [@justanothermike](#): > > And emotion isn’t an antidote to logic. If someone has very little emotion, you can’t get that logical person to understand how others with more emotion and less logic work. I’m not sure that I agree with that. I am a very logic driven person, who, based on my upbringing, naturally tries to suppress my emotions in favor of logic. My wife on the other hand is very emotional. While I don’t process the world in the same way that she does, I can understand and accept that the difference exists. It took a little time for me to figure this out, but now I know enough to realize that the argument “you shouldn’t feel that way because of X, Y and Z.” is as foolish as telling someone to just to decide to be gay. ---
**Author:** ![GMANCANADA](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gmancanada/32/2837_2.png) [@GMANCANADA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GMANCANADA)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2020, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/22 "2020-01-16T01:21:51Z")
@Buck Gadot > [@](#): > > My wife on the other hand is very emotional. While I don’t process the world in the same way that she does, I can understand and accept that the difference exists. I have a work colleague that used to say that about his emotionally charged (passionate about life) wife. Her mottos were things like “Live every day like it’s your last”, “Love Laugh Live”, “Dance like no one’s watching”. She became more-so as she got older (menopause?). Meanwhile he was a planning and logical kind of guy (eg: set a household budget, plan for retirement etc). She came home last year with a new $45,000 car. She was getting her’s fixed for some major issue and just paid $3500 for repairs and when she was walking out of the dealership she absolutely “fell in love” with a new model. She paid full list and they gave her $2500 trade-in for hers. She literally could not understand why he was so pissed off about it. He could not understand why, when they’d agreed no major purchases within a couple years of their retirement she went ahead and bought the car, without even talking to him. “But I fell in _love_ with it!!” As he grew older his “understanding” and patience for her emotionally driven decisions waned. As she grew older she became increasingly emotional. Recipe for disaster. They’re now split. Not saying you and your wife are like this. My wife and I aren’t either but she is more passionate and emotional than I am. But I do see it as a cautionary tale. ---
**Author:** ![Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slow_moving_vehicle/32/291_2.png) [@Slow\_Moving\_Vehicle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slow_Moving_Vehicle)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2020, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/23 "2020-01-16T02:39:49Z")
> [@UltraVires](#): > > How so? Take me for example. I’m not afraid of flying, but I am uneasy. Give me four good liquor drinks before flying (and a few maintenance ones on the plane) and I am fine, but still a bit uneasy. I’m afraid of heights and I watch too many “Seconds From Disaster” episodes. > > So, how would you logically persuade me not to feel that way? I know that flying is far safer than car travel. I know that mechanics inspect the plane before every flight and I know that the pilots are trained professionals. > > Yet I still have that feeling. How are you going to change the way I feel with logic? A friend of mine, who was utterly terrified of flying, took a familiarization class. The instructor explained how a plane worked, and - more importantly - took the class through the entire process of a takeoff and landing. He explained what was happening, and what each sound they heard was. “Okay, that’s the flaps moving. And that thump is the landing gear retracting. Now the pilot is going to increase power to the engines, which is why they just changed pitch…” and so on. She said the class didn’t completely cure her fears. But it did reduce them from just-below-full-freakout panic attack to nervous-but-endurable. The key was explaining the sensory cues - the sounds, mainly - and putting them into an understandable context. So a reason-based approach can have some effect. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2020, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/24 "2020-01-16T03:11:18Z")
I’m no fan of needles sticking me, but I am a fairly frequent blood donor. I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched them put the needle into my arm, and I kind of like it that way. It might help some if the kids don’t actually watch the nurse bring out or use the needle - there’s no reason they need to. Agree that not all situations respond to pure logic. ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2020, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/25 "2020-01-19T00:17:24Z")
[As Edna St. Vincent Millay said:](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/148560/pity-me-not-because-the-light-of-day) > [@](#): > > Pity me that the heart is slow to learn > What the swift mind beholds at every turn. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2020, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/26 "2020-01-19T00:26:18Z")
What helps when someone is overwhelmed by emotion is empathy, and compassion. When you apply logic to someone experiencing an overwhelming emotion, with the expectation that you are going to helpfully make their emotion go away, hope they don’t have a heavy projectile near to hand. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2020, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/27 "2020-01-19T02:02:34Z")
Who has more trouble with new information that contradicts what they think? Whether they arrived at what they think via logic or emotion, it seems to me that we as a species don’t deal with cognitive dissonance too well. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2020, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/28 "2020-01-19T03:30:35Z")
> [@Civil\_Guy](#): > > I’m no fan of needles sticking me, but I am a fairly frequent blood donor. I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched them put the needle into my arm, and I kind of like it that way. It might help some if the kids don’t actually watch the nurse bring out or use the needle - there’s no reason they need to. > > Agree that not all situations respond to pure logic. Yeah, that’s probably a decent analogy. I’m okay with needles, blood draws, etc. as long as I _turn my head away_ and fix my gaze somewhere else. Then I’ve even occasionally been all, “Oh you’re done already?” Last time I watched, I came to … on the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2020, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/29 "2020-01-19T03:45:27Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > What helps when someone is overwhelmed by emotion is empathy, and compassion. > > When you apply logic to someone experiencing an overwhelming emotion, with the expectation that you are going to helpfully make their emotion go away, hope they don’t have a heavy projectile near to hand. Right. I’m trying to figure out how to convey this - that logic is no antidote to emotion. They’re on different wavelengths entirely. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [January 19, 2020, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427/30 "2020-01-19T04:18:49Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > Right. I’m trying to figure out how to convey this - that logic is no antidote to emotion. They’re on different wavelengths entirely. I think I would try logic with the logical person. Explain that what she is doing is not working and in fact, making the situation worse. Obviously, she needs to either change her tactics, or just not engage with the other person. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/explaining-to-family-member-that-logic-does-not-work-as-antidote-to-emotion/846427.md?page=1)