# Extreme disappointment upon learning the sex of a child. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 28, 2009, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872 "2009-09-28T18:10:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/41 "2009-09-29T14:22:53Z")
Heh. This is an interesting thread. I plan on never having kids, so my only contribution to this thread is that I was supposed to be a boy. (I’m a girl.) Don’t know what that doctor saw on the ultrasound, but he insisted. Absolutely insisted. My mother - one of three sisters, all of whom had daughters - absolutely insisted that he was wrong. And when out I came, very clearly _not_ the “Mark” they would have named me, I can only imagine how vindicated she felt! ---
**Author:** ![Marienee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Marienee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marienee)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/42 "2009-09-29T14:49:31Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > He had four children with the new wife. All girls. Can I have a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say “gee, looks like the ‘problem’ wasn’t in his wife, huh?” . The problem cannot be the wife, can it? The father’s genes determine gender. They have to. I am always confused when people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters. Seems to me not at all relevant. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/43 "2009-09-29T15:15:36Z")
> [@Marienee](#): > > The problem cannot be the wife, can it? The father’s genes determine gender. They have to. I am always confused when people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters. Seems to me not at all relevant. Well, not anymore and not where people have at least a vague understanding of chromosomes. But you’d better believe wives were commonly blamed for their inability to produce a male heir. One of my best friends is Indian. She has a sister and a brother, and though her parents aren’t particularly religious or conservative, they threw an elaborate series of parties for the brother’s birth and first few birthdays and did, well, nothing for the sisters. She says that’s pretty typical, at least in their (extended) family. ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/44 "2009-09-29T16:11:30Z")
My mother had me (a boy) and my parents wanted a daughter very badly after that and got it when my sister was born. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/45 "2009-09-29T18:51:44Z")
> [@Marienee](#): > > The problem cannot be the wife, can it? The father’s genes determine gender. They have to. I am always confused when people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters. Seems to me not at all relevant. But the wife could have been a carrier of something which only showed in boys and which made them non-viable; a defect in the X chromosome which, so long as there is a healthy X to balance it doesn’t cause a problem. Hemophilia works like that, for example, although the male babies are viable. Why does my mother’s maternal line have so many women (over 50 among my generation’s 3rd-cousins vs 3 men, two of which are my brothers) and my father’s paternal line lean the opposite way (again, over 50 boys to 3 girls, in my generation and up to 3rd-cousins)? Plus yeah, there’s definitely an element in many people, of schadenfreude for all the times women have been blamed for any “reproductive problems” in the couple - including a lack of boys. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/46 "2009-09-29T19:02:00Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > A pediatrician in my home town got a shotgun wedding while in medical school. A girl. > > Next, twin girls. > > Next, another girl. > > He often expresses his dissapointment at not having any boys, but “my wife isn’t willing to have more.” People tell him that makes perfect sense when you already have four kids. > > Fast forward ten years. The wife’s younger sister, whom the girls haven’t even met, goes to visit and claims her daughter back. > > Uh? > > Yeah, the youngest daughter was the daughter of her dad and her dad’s sister-in-law (that is, the daughter of her mother’s sister). People weren’t sure which one they wanted to stone first, dad or bio-mom. > > Doc and his wife get a divorce, she goes back to college and he marries the mother of six of his patients, all boys except for the last one, a girl. He actually expresses his hopes to finally have a boy where people can hear. > > He had four children with the new wife. All girls. Can I have a dollar for every time I’ve heard someone say “gee, looks like the ‘problem’ wasn’t in his wife, huh?” You could cut the glee with a knife and package it. Oh, and he was already bedding new-wife when she got pregnant with that first girl… I don’t know if that girl (now in her thirties) has ever asked for DNA testing. This is like “When I was going to St Ives…” I am too tired to parse out the different wives and kids. Fertile guy, though. ETA: I was surprised to find out kid #2 was a boy, for the exact same reasons as **overlyverbose**. I kept saying, “You’re kidding! Really?” But I was never disappointed. And no, I can’t imagine life without him (or my girl). ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/47 "2009-09-29T19:24:00Z")
> [@Marienee](#): > > The problem cannot be the wife, can it? The father’s genes determine gender. They have to. I am always confused when people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters. Seems to me not at all relevant. Eh, I vaguely remember reading something about research into the idea that there might be a genetic component to how the egg accepts the single luckiest sperm cell, and that there could be something passed down mother-to-daughter that makes the egg more likely to accept an X sperm cell than a Y sperm cell. When people talk about gender running one way or the other for the wife or her sisters, it’s because they’re pointing out a streak they’ve witnessed firsthand. Like my mom, her two sisters, and all my girl cousins. (One of whom did, finally end the streak by producing a bouncing baby boy.) Anecdotal data is still a powerful argument for some people. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/48 "2009-09-29T20:12:19Z")
> [@robardin](#): > > Yes, and no – as mitochondria is always passed down from the mother, any son of hers will carry her mitochondria equally as well as any daughter, but the buck will stop there with a son as all his children will bear the mitochondria from his female partner. Which is why the second paragraph of my post read: > [@me](#): > > ETA: Ah, well, I get what you’re saying: your son won’t pass his mitochondria on. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/49 "2009-09-29T20:24:43Z")
Both my fathers, adopted and real, were utterly disappointed in my female status. I often wonder if my real father would have adopted me were I a boy - I mean that’s a boy to carry on the name and tradition, whereas a girl is just a dowry problem. A boy he could have broached with his wife (not my mother). A daughter…not so much. All of the last is conjecture but I do know he was disappointed in a girl. My adopted dad got over it but I overheard him a few times saying how much he had wanted a boy, etc. But when I turned into a right little tomboy I think it helped a lot - he practically had the son he wanted. I see a huge difference nowadays. Nearly everyone in my extended family is having daughters, and while the few sons are precious and coddled, there is much less angst about it than even when I was born. My cousin had three daughters and then her husband died, sadly (at age 36 :() - but her in-laws adore her and the three little ones. ---
**Author:** ![tygre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c4cdca/32.png) [@tygre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tygre)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/50 "2009-09-29T22:59:04Z")
I burst into tears after leaving the ultrasound room after the doctor told me that my second child would be a boy (already had a son). I knew 2 kids were all I could handle and really REALLY wanted a girl. I was sad for some time afterwards but was accepting by the time I went into labor. 5 hours later, I had a girl. Yes, the ultrasound was wrong. I was in shock for a couple of days. I would have still loved her had she been the boy we thought she would be, but…I am happy to have a girl and a boy. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/51 "2009-09-30T00:46:23Z")
I only had the one, after a lot of genetic testing and amnios and ultrasounds, and it was a girl, which is all I ever wanted! I could not imagine what I would have done with a boy, every little boy I ever came across was repulsive to me. Boy things, sports, toy trucks, power rangers - all that was boring and unknown country to me. Oh, I know, I would have loved him, but if I had had a boy, his dad would have done a HELL of a lot more parenting. HE would have had to take him to baseball and football and all that. ---
**Author:** ![abbeytxs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/eb9ed0/32.png) [@abbeytxs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abbeytxs)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/52 "2009-09-30T01:48:06Z")
I know we were the last of a dying breed, but we chose not to know what the baby’s gender was until they were born. No chance to be disappointed. Everyone should do what they feel is right for them, but we had so much fun not knowing the gender. It really gave us something a little extra to look forward to and it was a blast to hear people be so certain in their guesses. My first was a c-section so my husband got to hold her before I did. He said that even though the doctor told him it was a girl, it was a good 5 - 10 minutes before he even processed what they told him. He just knew he didn’t want to give her back so they could clean her up. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/53 "2009-09-30T02:35:30Z")
My sister married into a family that has had an unusual run of genetic anomalies. Her husband has loads of brothers and sisters, most of whom have had children of their own. And every single one of them have been daughters. That means his Mum and Dad are grandparents to around 15 granddaughters, and no grandsons. I find that to be quite unusual. ---
**Author:** ![Tikster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@Tikster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikster)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/54 "2009-09-30T11:33:08Z")
I’m pregnant right now (27 weeks) - ultrasound says girl. My boyfriend was a little disappointed at first - he mostly wanted a boy, because he knows how to deal with boys… Me - I didn’t care - as long as my baby comes out healthy. I’m sure he’ll be the doting father once she arrives 🙂 I can’t imagine how anyone could be so distraught over the gender of their baby that they cry for weeks. That’s an extreme overreaction. I hope your friend gets the help she needs before the baby arrives. Tikster ---
**Author:** ![Tikster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@Tikster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikster)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/55 "2009-09-30T11:56:27Z")
message was duplicated ---
**Author:** ![Chopper9760](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cdc98d/32.png) [@Chopper9760](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chopper9760)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/56 "2009-09-30T15:00:48Z")
Gender roles are so flexible now that it seems ridiculous to be that upset over the baby’s sex. Kids are so miraculous and so neat that I don’t think it matters what interests them, you’re going to be interested too because you are a parent and you love your child. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/57 "2009-09-30T20:39:34Z")
As mentioned, maybe the mom in the OP has bigger issues, or hormones going nuts or something? ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/58 "2009-09-30T20:59:45Z")
Congrats, **Tikster**! Wishing you all the best, and the healthy baby you want. The evil little schadenfreude monster in me hopes that maybe the crying-for-weeks mom in the OP gives birth to a child who grows up to be a tranny. Because that is a seriously messed-up way to greet that kind of news. On reflection, if the mother has such strange and powerful notions about gender roles … the kid may very well grow up to be quite confused. Here’s hoping she turns out to be a better mom than some of us Dopers imagine her to be. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2009, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872/59 "2009-09-30T21:14:58Z")
Eh. Pregnancy hormones do weird things, and sometimes it takes people a while to accept things they hadn’t considered. Heck, she’s going to a therapist to fix it; what more can you ask for? I can understand where she’s coming from, and maybe it runs deeper than that. The couple people I know who’ve expressed really extreme preferences for one or the other gender have families that make me understand why they feel the way they do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extreme-disappointment-upon-learning-the-sex-of-a-child/511872.md?page=2)