Just to clarify, there was not a single procedure that was $3k. Tests leading up to the surgery were about $350 and the (unexpected) intensive aftercare came to over $2300. In hindsight, I am a little annoyed that the vet did not prepare me for the full extent before taking us down this path. While I am not 100% sure that would have really mattered to my wife, it would have been more of a discussion than we had. It is one thing to be told that a quick 40 minute surgery to remove a spleen would allow the dog to recover & go home. It is quite another to then effectively have to place him in intensive care because you chose to believe that - and then have to put him down anyway.
Losing a pet is very hard. My condolences to your family.
My family lost 3 in the last year. The first was my cat, Kitty. She was old, had kidney problems. We were scheduled to go to the vet Saturday for her check-up and to determine the status of her kidney issues and to see if we needed to modify treatment. She never woke up that Thursday morning, I knew something was wrong when she didn’t wake us up for breakfast. I got out of bed and she was in her bed, she didn’t even look as if it pained her in any way. Looking back, my solace is that she died her own way, and it didn’t appear to cause her any pain. She was 10 feet away from us and we didn’t even notice…
The second was my sister’s dog Daisy. Daisy was a rescued JRT. She had some medical issues that we all thought were being resolved, but it ended up her heart was not strong enough to take it all. She woke up blue one morning and they took her to the vet, she died in my sister’s arms at the vet’s office.
My parent’s beagle died in July. He was diagnosed with bladder cancer in Sept and not expected to last very long. Being a beagle, he was apparently immune to pain, nothing seemed to effect him, he always had a wagging tail. He was put on some low-dose chemo and the vet said when the tumor got too big, they would probably have to euthanise. He was really good up until the last month, then tumor spread and began to block his urethra, so he couldn’t pee anymore. My parents did not want him in pain, so he was off to the rainbow bridge.
When Kitty died last October, we thought we would wait until after the new year to get another one. We didn’t last that long, we couldn’t last that long without a furry friend, so we got Luna the day before Thanksgiving. Luna really needed a friend, so we got Minnie last month.
My sister waited about a month before she got Nina, another JRT, this one a puppy.
My parents still have their cockapoo, so they haven’t gotten anything new. I have a feeling they will get something, maybe a cat.
Thanks for understanding that I didn’t mean to criticize any aspect of your decision (tho I have encountered situations where I thought owners were almost torturing their pets by keeping them alive.) And I know how the costs can creep up on you.
My wife and I have long agreed that we would not spend huge amounts to keep an older pet alive. But the costs can creep up on you. Daisy was taking arthritis meds which were IIRC a couple of bucks a day - so right there you are talking $700 a year. I remember the vet saying she would not renew the scrip without blood work to see if it was damging her liver/kidneys or somesuch. I said, "If it damages her organs, we’ll put her to sleep then. But if she isn’t taking the meds, we’ll put her to sleep now. In the meantime, foregoing the bloodwork will pay for another month or so of meds."
Then she had a problem with fluid build up in her ear. We had a stent implanted, which was another few hundred. I think there was something else in the last year that cost a few hundred. When the ear problem came back, the vet suggested surgery which would be around $500. My wife was the hardass, leaving the choice up to me but saying “Look at what we have spent over the past year or 2.” I said since this surgery was a limited procedure, and should result in full recovery, and we had the money, I felt the old girl deserved it. But I said that would be the last expenditure.
Then, when they put her under and did some blood work, they called us and said she had lymphoma, so we cancelled the surgery. They said at most she had 6 months, with meds that would make her incontinent. Instead, we opted for pain killers, and said we would bring her in when her health really declined. We had something like 2-4 weeks to say goodbye to her.
I remember it being the same with my previous dog - you would see them lying in the sun smiling, and convince yourself they are still enjoying life. But I think you fool yourself into only focusing on the best times, and forgetting the rest. Now when I look back at photos from near the end, I can’t help but think the old girl didn’t look very happy.
When I get a new dog I place the over/under at 10 years. If I get less than 10 out of a pup, I feel cheated, but I consider anything over 10 to be gravy.
There are two different issues involved - how much will you spend on health care for a pet, and a strong opposition to eutanasia as you attribute to yout wife. I’m fortunate that my wife and I both love dogs, and are pretty much on the same page with respect to these types of decisions. Hate to sound too callous, but $3K would buy one hell of a show dog, as well as cover its first year or 2 of care. Unless someone is independently wealthy, I think most of us need to at least consider such economic factors.
Maybe she died the night you weren’t with her because she was holding on just for you - she didn’t want to disappoint her human. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise that she went when you weren’t able to keep her company.
Tonight, we picked up Arthur’s ashes from the clinic. They made paw print imprints in some soft craft strip stuff cut into a heart. We will put them in a shadow box I think. They also sent a card with handwritten condolence messages from each of the staff members that were there when he died. They are very nice people.
Contrast thus to his regular vet who has not called and has not sent a card (or a bill for the surgery for that matter).
Arthur’s ashes join those of Max and Rosemary (my daughter’s rabbit) on our mantle. They will be scattered someday when we have our farm. Perhaps mine will someday join theirs in that same patch.
Thanks again to all of you for your caring. Although we have never met, you have all been so very supportive to me over the past week (and on other occasions like this one).
The first time we did that, I thought my heart would break all over again. The little box was so tiny, too tiny to hold everything I thought of as Tuffy.
I’m glad the board was able to help. I think that’s one of the things we do best around here, is show you’re not alone.
The pickup was not as heart breaking for me as all the things we have done for years that do not make sense any more. For example, checking the back door to make sure it’s locked before leaving. (But of course it is - no one went out through that opening all day). Looking down when you come in the door. (But no one is there any more).
The size of the box was not as jarring as when I picked up Max’s ashes last month. A golden retriever that I could barely carry to the vet after he died was able to be carried in one hand when I brought his ashes home.
I am sort of numb. My wife is already starting to talk about filling the void in our home - some day. We can move on - for now - until we meet up with our boys again.
It sounds like Arthur had a great life with your family and you gave him the best care possible, including his end care. My heart goes out to you - this is so hard and it sure brings back some sad memories of saying goodbye to my beloved Beagle Kichwa eight years ago.
I hope you’re able to bring another animal into your lives, but even if not, know that you did the right thing with Arthur.