# Extremely pissed over something very very small. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 29, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417 "2013-12-29T17:35:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/1 "2013-12-29T17:35:01Z")
I am baffled as to why I seem to remain pissed off about a ridiculously small thing. My exwife has been doing my housekeeping for extra money for several years. In general we have remained close friends and neither of us have invaded the others privacy or interfere except maybe when asked an opinion or advice. ``` I had a daddy long leg spider living in my shower, when I turned the water on he would climb to the corner of the roof and when I finished he would climb back down to the shower nozzle area. According to internet sites I checked they have a life span of about 6 months. I had this spider for at least 3 years and he was enormous. I would say leg span close to 4". I am pretty certain he knew me as he would almost feed right out of my hand. Anyway, while cleaning she simply wiped him off with her sponge and never gave it a simple thought. This has been over a year now and every time I go to take a shower I get pissed. Normally nothing pisses me off. I have suffered huge losses from thefts over the years, betrayals, cheating women you name it, nothing really pisses me off for more than a short time. The last time I was this pissed is when she gave my dog away shortly before our divorce 24 years ago. Why is this pissing me off so much? ``` ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/2 "2013-12-29T18:23:18Z")
Perhaps because it is symbolic of all the other stuff that you have stoically endured over the years. If you have white-knuckled your emotions through all the other losses and betrayals in your life (for reasons that might seem all well and good to you), you might have a deep well of residual anger which, while normally kept under control, can be tapped by a seemingly small thing. The condition I describe is responsible, in my opinion, for a lot of ugly incidents caused by uncharacteristic explosions of anger. Of the type that are followed by comments like “He was always so quiet and nice!” If anything like this is going on, I recommend getting some help in expressing both your current and stored-up anger (and other feelings) in harmless or even productive ways. Stuffing your feelings can also result in health problems down the road. Roddy ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/3 "2013-12-29T18:30:01Z")
I don’t know that it has to be tied to other anger, nor that it’s that small. With a little time, I could list a half-dozen such “small” things that bother me, or bothered me for a long time, that would be almost inexplicable to anyone else. I am, for one thing, fanatic about not killing small creatures unless absolutely necessary. People who think the way to deal with a moth or spider or other relatively harmless trespasser is to squish it in a paper towel piss me off. (I will kill widows and fiddlebacks and the like without a second thought, of course.) I am prone to silly little conceits like the OP, letting a spider (not a Daddy Long Legs, likely, but a grass or house spider) live in a corner of my kitchen soffit and feeding it stunned flies until it’s big enough for a starring role in a b movie. Or leaving a little row of colored gravel on a windowsill. Or whatever… something that will piss me off if a clueless person “fixes” it. I don’t think any of these are tied to deeper anger issues - they are just infinitely small things that are important to me on some level, and anger at having someone destroy them is, IMO, normal. ---
**Author:** ![Why\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b782af/32.png) [@Why\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Why_Child)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/4 "2013-12-29T18:47:59Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > \ > > I had this spider for at least 3 years > \ > > The last time I was this pissed is when she gave my dog away > \ Just a guess, but maybe it’s because she keeps getting rid of your pets? Obviously you were attached to the dog, and if you have been hand-feeding the spider for 3 years, you’d be attached to it, too. I’d assume losing the spider brings back all the memories of losing the dog. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/5 "2013-12-29T18:50:38Z")
> [@Why\_Child](#): > > Just a guess, but maybe it’s because she keeps getting rid of your pets? Obviously you were attached to the dog, and if you have been hand-feeding the spider for 3 years, you’d be attached to it, too. I’d assume losing the spider brings back all the memories of losing the dog. It really does, as soon as I think of the spider I start thinking about the dog. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/6 "2013-12-29T18:58:04Z")
Hmm…did she\*\* know\*\* that you were very fond of this creature? Did you ask her to leave it alone when cleaning the bathroom? I don’t kill spiders because I happen to like them. If my daughter is around I take them outside. By the way, daddy longlegs belong to the Opiliones group, they are not actually “spiders,” though they are similar to spiders in various ways. One difference is that they have **penises**. Aha! Perhaps we are getting close to the cause of your upset! Freud, would say.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/7 "2013-12-29T19:01:22Z")
My question is how did she miss the spider for over 3 years? Are you sure she’s cleaning thoroughly? ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/8 "2013-12-29T19:11:58Z")
I had told her about the spider before, I am certain she knew about it, I think she just got fed up with seeing the cob web above my shower and figured it wasn’t that important. It is actually not the first spider she killed. Several months ago she washed my kitchen curtain that had a pet jumping spider living in the rod pocket. I didn’t really blame her for that one as it was an honest mistake. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/9 "2013-12-29T19:43:58Z")
> [@scootergirl](#): > > … > > By the way, daddy longlegs belong to the Opiliones group, they are not actually “spiders,” though they are similar to spiders in various ways. One difference is that they have **penises**. > Aha! Perhaps we are getting close to the cause of your upset! Freud, would say.:rolleyes: Common house spiders are often called daddy longlegs as well, though they’re not the same as the true daddy-longlegs found outside. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/10 "2013-12-29T19:50:02Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > . . . every time I go to take a shower I get pissed. You have to aim at the drain to minimize splashing. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/11 "2013-12-29T20:14:19Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > You have to aim at the drain to minimize splashing. Madonna says it is good for athletes feet. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/12 "2013-12-29T20:36:51Z")
If she killed the spider by accident that would be one thing, but she knew you liked it and killed it anyway. That and the history with your dog, I think its perfectly natural to be pissed. I sure would be. I’m a spider-nurturer as well. Live and let live. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/13 "2013-12-29T21:03:24Z")
Just get another spider ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/14 "2013-12-29T21:03:41Z")
What does one hand feed a spider? ---
**Author:** ![Jamicat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c67d28/32.png) [@Jamicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jamicat)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/15 "2013-12-29T21:09:59Z")
> [@White SIFL](#): > > What does one hand feed a spider? Spiderchow ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/16 "2013-12-29T21:31:35Z")
I guess that would explain his long life. ---
**Author:** ![PlaceboTarget](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/placebotarget/32/1073_2.png) [@PlaceboTarget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlaceboTarget)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/17 "2013-12-29T21:57:06Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Why is this pissing me off so much? You may need a family. Experts believe men with few family interactions are likely to develop certain issues ([here](http://www.livescience.com/22630-mental-health-men-family-friends.html)’s a an example I’ve just googled). ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/18 "2013-12-29T22:01:34Z")
A man should never have to outlive his spider. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2013, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/19 "2013-12-29T22:42:56Z")
I was pretty peeved when the crappy maintenance crew at my old place got rid of Boris the Bathroom Spider too. I’d rescued him from drowning after he abseiled into a full bath, then fed him fruit flies while he skulked under the sink in shock for a few days, before taking back up his old position above the showerhead. He still got handed the occasional mosquito, and must have lived another year or so until killed during the rubbishy paint job. They didn’t even paint that corner, there was no need at all. ---
**Author:** ![Slash1972](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slash1972/32/6461_2.png) [@Slash1972](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slash1972)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2013, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417/20 "2013-12-30T05:13:22Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > Why is this pissing me off so much? Well, let’s see. Maybe because: 1. You didn’t tell her it meant so much to you, and she killed it because she saw a spider in the shower? 2. You are transferring your hatred over the divorce into the killing of a spider that you somehow made an emotional connection to? 3. You are behaving irrationally because it’s only a damn spider? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-pissed-over-something-very-very-small/677417.md?page=2)