# Extremely unappealing ads **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 23, 2004, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351 "2004-12-23T17:59:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/41 "2004-12-26T02:07:50Z")
Simon Malls’ “Thank You Verrr-y Much” ad features squeaky-clean people dressed like Dickens characters giving each other Simon Malls gift cards and singing a loud, tuneless and vapid production number built around the highly original concept, “Thank You Very Very Verrr-y Much.” Simon Malls is a big faceless corporation that runs shopping centers and used to promote themselves (note: not their individual malls or the retail therein, _just themselves_) with vague, tv ads that gave the impression they were some kind of department store. During the holiday rush, this “Thank You Verrr-y Much” thing kept coming back like an attack of stomach cramps. During a recent visit to my local Simon Mall, the only place the gift cards were advertised was at the parking pay booths. “Oh great, I’m just leaving this mall and sick of shopping - I really wanna slip $200 to the troglodyte on duty in the pay booth for some of these gift cards.” Dear Simon Malls: Fuck you very _very **VERRRRRRRRY** _ much. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/42 "2004-12-26T15:51:08Z")
Clark Howard was warning about the Simon Malls gift cards…apparently, they are a huge rip off, what with fees and expiration dates. ---
**Author:** ![scotandrsn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a4c791/32.png) [@scotandrsn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scotandrsn)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/43 "2004-12-26T16:40:32Z")
My wife just showed me a print ad last night that touted the fact that a new vaginal treatment comes in gel form instead of creme. The main image is dollops of each type of stuff on a vaguely pink-flesh-colored background…in the forms of sad (creme) and happy (gel) faces. There was a stealth ick factor to the whole thing > [@Unintentionally Blank](#): > > You know the kind, you hear them mostly on local radio. It’s as if the Ad agency has a list of The Four Major Types Of Commercial by Formula and never EVER deviate from it. > > “Do you ever \?” > > “Well, we’ve got this \” > > “It’ll clear up that \ right quick!” > > “So buy \ now and you’ll be \ **Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/44 "2004-12-26T16:49:17Z") I’ll second the Enzyte ads. If the ads are to be believed, Bob walks around with a constant boner. Mrs. Bob ain’t no contest winner, with her slimy complexion and all. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/45 "2004-12-26T17:01:54Z")
Those stupid ads for [Ditech.com](http://Ditech.com) (Lost ANOTHER loan to Ditech!!!) and the 1-800-SAFE-AUTO commercials, which I’ve mentioned before. I LOATHE HATE DESPISE that fucking jingle, and it’s a total earworm!!! Years ago, there was a commercial for yeast infection treatment that featured a soccer-momish type squealing, “Oooh, that burning itch!!!” Yuck yuck yuck. An ad for a Herpes medication, where people are just nonchalantly discussing their herpes in public. One girl talks about it in her ballet class, a man is seen telling a companion while sitting on a park bench. Yeah, I’m really going to share all the nitty-gritty details of my STDs\* in public like that! Those Old Navy commercials with the chorus hidden in the linen closet. They procede to sing made-up lyrics (that don’t even fucking RHYME!) to Christmas carols. Old Navy commercials in general are usually stupid and obnoxious and I swear I will never buy from them. \*Meaning hypothetical, I personally don’t have any STDs. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/46 "2004-12-26T17:10:14Z")
The Bonjela (mouth ulcer and teething gel) ad with the evil guy pretending to be a mouth ulcer, who gets smothered by the Bonjela gel. Just makes me squirmy. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/47 "2004-12-26T20:38:41Z")
I don’t watch much TV, but sometimes, things strike you. There was a toilet paper ad a while back that had various PC folks shking their booties with a line that referred to how clean their behinds were after using this product. maybe it was t.p. with lotion (ugh). There is an ad out now about how “it’s not the car you drive, it’s not the clothes you wear, it’s not the gourmet food you eat…it’s the watch you wear.” Yeah, that’s it! It’s my watch–by such will I be judged…\ ANY feminine care product, period. When referring to “protein” stains–yo, that’s blood you’re talking about. Why advertise tampons etc at all–there’s a captive market–it’s not like we won’t buy them! And and all drug commercials which seem to promise the world plus to the target population, but then give the side effects/disclaimers faster than that FedEx guy a few years back. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/48 "2004-12-26T22:02:18Z")
UPS: “What can brown do for you?” Always makes me flash on _The Groove Tube:_ “The Uranus Corporation presents BROWN-29! Something new is always coming out of Uranus!” ---
**Author:** ![Khampelf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Khampelf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khampelf)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/49 "2004-12-26T23:12:25Z")
> [@Ooner](#): > > Like Magellan? > > LIKE MAGELLAN? > > WHO WRITES THAT CRAP? That’s a Voiceover, or a second take. The first version had that Actor Gellin’ like a FELON. Hey, Be like a involuntarily incarcerated, serious criminal, wear our product in your shoes. Changing it most likely had nothing to do with the fact the actor was of apparantly African Heritage. Enzyte Bob makes me laugh. I spot a new phallic symbol in that ad, every time. And the poor neighbor, with the drooping hose, get him some Enzyte, right away! ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/50 "2004-12-27T05:07:53Z")
If a bear shits in the woods … I’d rather not know. I’d especially not like to see him wipe his bum, show his bear daughter how to wipe her bum and then dance with the roll of toilet paper singing “Cha-cha-cha, Charmin!” I mean, _ew_. ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/51 "2004-12-27T06:03:57Z")
I hate every one of the damn kids in every applejacks cereal commercial. I used to not like the old mentos commercials, but now I wish they were still on so people could understand the many (usually violent) parodies. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 6:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/52 "2004-12-27T06:54:33Z")
In the contest for worst commercials I’m voting for any that show me people dripping with sweat, or the inside of somebody’s open mouth. I will be soooo glad when that advertising trend goes away. I completely agree about the Charmin commercials with the bears. I just don’t need to think about that, thank you. The feminine hygiene commercials with the red dots (I think they’re Kotex?) I hate those. Yes, I get the reference, the dot = period, and gee, it’s red! Could you be any more obvious? If you _have_ to advertise, tell me what makes your product so special or so different, then shut up. I’ll understand what you’re talking about. I still prefer a little discretion in my personal life. And there’s one for some kind of water sports drink, that shows drops falling from the bottle, then turning into athletes who go on to do some sport move. I can’t put my finger on why, but it just makes me cringe. ---
**Author:** ![Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/eada6e/32.png) [@Go\_You\_Big\_Red\_Fire\_Engine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Go_You_Big_Red_Fire_Engine)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2004, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/53 "2004-12-27T07:05:05Z")
I saw one on a bus that was an ad for mobile updates. It said, “now you’re phone can have implants” And the phone had a picture and logo from **Maxim**. Maybe university is turning me too much into a feminist, but my mind just went, girls that get in Maxim = girls that guys like = ad implies that guys only like girls with implants? Screw you **Vodafone** I can be damned sexy without implants! Yeh yeh yeh and I know that a lot of girls that pose for Maxim probably do have implants, and that’s where they’re coming from, but I just didn’t like it. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/54 "2005-01-03T02:04:03Z")
I realize it’s required by law and not the ad agencies’ fault – but I wonder how they manage to sell any medicines with those TV commercials that have a disclosure at the end. Its like: CHANCREX! The most effective relief known for painful cold sores! (Shot of woman telling how her mouth used to hurt whenever she ate grapefruit, until she tried CHANCREX.) Ask your doctor about CHANCREX!\* \*CHANCREX should not be used by women who are pregnant or who may wish to become pregnant at some time in the future. Side effects may include rashes, night swests, palpitations, tremors, involuntary muscle spasm and tics, erectile dysfunction alternating unpredictably with priapism, incontinence of urine and feces, explosive diarrhea, projectile vomiting, hysterical blindness, grand mal seizures, blackouts, hallucinations, and occasional episodes of uncontrollable psychotic rage. BUT YOU’LL BE RID OF THE DAMNED COLD SORES! ---
**Author:** ![Cynical\_Optimist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Cynical\_Optimist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cynical_Optimist)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/55 "2005-01-03T02:36:42Z")
Win: **Saturn VUE** The SUV drives into a clearing where four guys get out and start setting up camp. Suddenly they stop laughing & joking as they listen to the sound of _Dueling Banjos_ in the background. At this point they quickly tear down the camp, stuff everything into the SUV and drive off with shouts of “Go, go, go!”. I guess SUVs can protect you from overly friendly locals too? Place: **Burger King** Guy wakes up next to a guy wearing a Burger King plastic mask thats about 4x too large for the body its attached to. This creature hands him a sandwich and pats him on the leg while the voiceover says “meat and cheese and… meat… and… cheese”. That just goes beyond coyote ugly in my book. Show: **Miss Cleo** IIRC she’s in jail for fraud now, but for those of you who don’t remember it, she was a staple of the post-Dionne Warwick 1-800 psychic lines. Worst. Accent. EVAH! _Ooh chile, you be calling me dis instant foh yo footchya_. (Dis)honorable Mention goes to any of the late 80’s/early 90’s infomercial kings: Santo Gold and Thomas Vu especially. ---
**Author:** ![Blackdragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9dc877/32.png) [@Blackdragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackdragon)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/56 "2005-01-03T02:59:23Z")
> [@1010011010](#): > > They’ve got “mindshare”! Are you sure? Everyone knows the f\*ing AFLAC duck, but how many people actually know what AFLAC does? Recoginition doesn’t always equal results. ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/57 "2005-01-03T03:52:40Z")
I saw a billboard for McDonald’s down in California. It had a picture of a kid holding his mouth open with each hand, and there was “Insert McNuggets Here” with an arrow pointing to the kid’s mouth. Kinda creepy on its own, but the stretched-open mouth reminded me of a certain infamous shock site. Say, any of you folks got a strong stomach and access to an industrial printer? ---
**Author:** ![Odesio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/odesio/32/20003_2.png) [@Odesio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odesio)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/58 "2005-01-03T05:37:15Z")
> [@Chanteuse](#): > > The newest one from Metamucil, where they feature “The Regular Guys.” Every day, at the same time, these three guys greet one another and walk into adjoining bathroom stalls to take a dump. That is just _SO_ nasty! I just assumed that those stalls contained glory holes. Marc ---
**Author:** ![AppallingGael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9bd4f/32.png) [@AppallingGael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AppallingGael)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/59 "2005-01-03T06:00:21Z")
> [@Ooner](#): > > Like Magellan? > > LIKE MAGELLAN? > > WHO WRITES THAT CRAP? > > I can appreciate ideas that just don’t work, things that actually seem gross instead of the desired “funny” effect, but there’s absolutely no excuse for completely inane nonsensical garbage like that. Just because it rhymes. It doesn’t rhyme. It’s just the same sound again. There were actual rhyming words available, but as nobody’s paying me, I’m so not tellin’. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2005, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351/60 "2005-01-03T15:31:45Z")
I hate the Burger King commercial with the marionette head. It creeps me out so bad that I have to change the channel. “Swoop, there it is.” _shudder_ Any Old Navy commercial. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extremely-unappealing-ads/281351.md?page=4)