# Extroverts and Introverts: Share things you don't get **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 18, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245 "2012-02-18T15:28:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Jasper\_Kent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@Jasper\_Kent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasper_Kent)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/61 "2012-02-20T01:45:14Z")
[quote=“monstro, post:60, topic:613245”] In my mind, there is a difference between wanting your voice to be heard and wanting floodlights on you… QUOTE] Yes! And a big difference between wanting attention some of the time and wanting (or needing) it **all of the time.** I can definitely relate to the former, but not the latter. ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/62 "2012-02-20T02:02:46Z")
Although neither of us is extreme, I’m introverted and my boyfriend is extroverted. The biggest difference (and the hardest thing to understand) is how we react to a fun social event. He gets charged up and wants to stay as long as he can (pretty much up to the point where it would be rude to stay). Then he is a total chatterbox _all_ the way home. I get worn out and want to leave much earlier. And I _really_ don’t want conversation on the way back. We both have fun at social events (I’m not so introverted I can’t go out, and I do like people), but deciding when to leave and the ride home can cause hurt feelings on both sides. Sometimes I think we should take separate cars! ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/63 "2012-02-20T02:27:23Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > In my mind, there is a difference between wanting your voice to be heard and wanting floodlights on you. > > When I’m speaking up at a board meeting, yeah, I want people to listen to what I’m saying, preferably agreeing with me. I don’t even like that. presentations at school were extremely nerve-wracking. even to this day you tell me I have to stand in front of a group of people and speak at them and I get all twisted. Hell, we had some stupid thing at work a couple of years ago for “take your kid(s) to work day” where I had to give this spiel about stuff to a relative handful of kids who likely couldn’t have given less of a shit about what I had to say, and I was still a wreck. ---
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/64 "2012-02-20T02:44:06Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > In my mind, there is a difference between wanting your voice to be heard and wanting floodlights on you. > > When I’m speaking up at a board meeting, yeah, I want people to listen to what I’m saying, preferably agreeing with me. > > But I don’t want them looking at what I’m wearing or studying my hair. It’s not that I think I’m ugly or anything, but I just don’t care for that kind of attention. I want people to be interested in the words coming out of my mouth. If I have spinach in my teeth, just ignore it. You shouldn’t be looking at my teeth in the first place! And when you come up to me after the board meeting, I’d rather you keep your questions to business. I don’t want to field personal questions in that context. Even compliments will make me feel weird (though I will thank you and put you in my “not a bad person” list). > > I don’t like being ignored. I wouldn’t want people not to say hello to me if I went to a party. That would just be weird. It’s just that I’m fine with chit-chatting with only a couple of people. I don’t have to mingle with everyone. I don’t want the whole room hanging off my every word, waiting for me to entertain. That would be too much attention. > > Some people simply aren’t like that, though. They dress to impress. They do regular check-ups in the mirror to make sure everything’s just “right”. They want people to come up to them and ask them about themselves. They love compliments (and love giving them). They feed off of positive feedback and feel slighted when they don’t get it. They become suspicious when people don’t shower them with attention. > > Not all extroverts are like this, but some are. Wow, your explanation actually makes a lot of sense, thank you. (Of course, I’m the type that likes the floodlights, but it’s kind of fun to get a glimpse into the “other side”!) ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/65 "2012-02-20T03:26:41Z")
I’m an extravert. I like being with people, because I find them fun and interesting. I don’t mind putting it out there, I quite like giving presentations, I used to be an actor, I have played guitar and sang for money, I love socialising (though as I get older I find I am less comfortable at a huge party, and prefer a more intimate soiree). But it has a flipside: I really don’t like being alone. I have done a lot of soul-searching over the past couple of years and realised that such was this extraversion that I actually was scared to be alone. Almost pathologically so. I hated my own company, and in the past I have sought out and put up with people who act like dicks just for the sake of having someone around. I eventually realised that solitude was one of my worst fears. Which is why I did what I did: in order to confront this and see if I could conquer it, I subjected myself to living as a recluse for six months. And after the first couple of weeks I really started to enjoy it. It was like a little self-observing, judgemental voice in my head finally got silenced. I haven’t totally been able to avoid having a social life - I have inadvertently made a few friends along the way - and have posted to the SDMB a lot in lieu of company, but the day-to-day hours of just being with myself have been really refreshing and no longer hold the kind of concern for me that they used to. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/66 "2012-02-20T03:28:59Z")
I’m not sure which I am, really. I always thought I was the extravert with social anxiety, but I’ve learned over the years that I’m not unhappy being by myself. The reason I say this is that I definitely felt the urge to be the center of attention, to be popular and well liked. I was always up for talking to new people, except when my anxiety got in the way. I say all this to say that I may straddle the fence, so I’ll try to answer a few things. Talking to random people just helps you feel connected. You know what’s going on, and you know that you are well liked. It’s a way to satisfy my curiosity of the world. A desire to be the center of attention is harder to articulate. Basically, it’s because, the few times I’ve experienced actually being the center of attention in a positive way, it’s been amazing. I feel like I no longer have any limitations. Anxiety is gone. I’m interacting with everyone, and everyone likes me. In that moment, I feel like I finally fit into the world around me. I guess there’s a control issue, but honestly, part of the fun is not being in control, and that not bothering me. For the briefest amount of time, I’m just experiencing life. Then there are the more mundane times where I’m just playing or singing in front of people. That is just more about being appreciated by others. The feeling that, of course I like myself, but it others like and appreciate what I do, that means something more. That’s not the same as the feeling like the center of attention, as it’s much more nerve-wracking. Now whether this is how a true extrovert feels, I don’t know. But does it at least make sense why it might be appealing? ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/67 "2012-02-20T04:41:56Z")
> [@DMark](#): > > I can talk with anybody… > > I have never had a problem in a crowded bar going up to someone and introducing myself. I can pretty much talk to the scariest of gang banger in the street, to the CEO of a large corporation with no problem… I think this is the ultimate social mystery to me. How do you _do_ that? How do you, in the moment, decide who to approach, what to say, what not to say? I can only conclude that there must be a substratum of body language or something that I just don’t pick up. My mother was like that too. She could talk to bank presidents or dockworkers. And she was politically active. And her clients–she later worked as a welfare caseworker at the Ministry of Community and Social Services–all trusted her. My father, on the other hand, was a classic reserved introvert. I now understand this much better. > [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > I think I’m an extrovert, but I have some elements of both categories… > > But … I’m struggling to wrap my head around this. If I’m in a work situation, I feel much more comfortable if I know people are paying attention to what I have to say and actively considering my ideas. Fine, fine… I too like to know that my ideas are being considered on their merits. But I don’t need to speak to transfer them; a carefully-crafted image or piece of text will do the job just as well. > [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > If I’m out partying, I feel a lot more comfortable if I can tell that people want me there and enjoy my presence. If I’m volunteering somewhere, or playing on a sports team … pretty much any time I’m anywhere other than in my bedroom, I’d much rather people be paying attention to me and appreciating me than ignoring me. But this assumes that the people _will_ appreciate you. For me, during most of my life this was not the case. My early experience of crowd attention was uniformly negative: if I was the centre of attention, it was only because they wanted to destroy or shame me. > [@BigT](#): > > A desire to be the center of attention is harder to articulate. Basically, it’s because, the few times I’ve experienced actually being the center of attention in a positive way, it’s been amazing… For the briefest amount of time, I’m just experiencing life. The idea that being the centre of attention could be a good thing was utterly foreign to me. If I hadn’t experienced such attention once in my life, I’d be disbelieving of it still. Once I was on a week-long retreat with other members of a study group. We were having dinner, and, incredibly, I was telling jokes and the timing was perfect and the others were laughing hysterically. Granted, they were people who knew me well, and we’d essentially been locked up with only each other for company for five days, and we were in each others’ pockets and in each others’ brains by that point, but _still_… If I could figure out what it was that I did differently that night, that I had never done before, and bottle it for sale, I’d be a billionaire. > [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > But gosh, I sort of thought that you alternated who was the center of attention just because it was polite, because if I were to make myself the center of attention all the time that’s obnoxious. (And okay, in the interest of full disclosure, I do sometimes cross that threshold and get a little obnoxious, but it’s something I’m aware of and working to dissipate.) > > But the idea that there’s an entire cluster of people out there, a full one quarter or so of the population, who don’t like being the center of attention regardless of what type of attention it is, seems very strange to me. (Mind you, I’m not calling you people strange. I’m just saying the whole concept is something hard for me to relate to.) And that there is a sector of people for whom this is normal and essential, that’s difficult for me to feel. > [@monstro](#): > > In my mind, there is a difference between wanting your voice to be heard and wanting floodlights on you… > > I don’t like being ignored. I wouldn’t want people not to say hello to me if I went to a party. That would just be weird. It’s just that I’m fine with chit-chatting with only a couple of people… I don’t want the whole room hanging off my every word, waiting for me to entertain. That would be too much attention. Completely understandable. ---
**Author:** ![kushiel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bbce88/32.png) [@kushiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kushiel)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/68 "2012-02-20T05:01:23Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > At my previous job, I would get that a lot. “But you’re so outgoing and extroverted!” Dude, the only reason I come across that way to you is that after work, I go home, close the door and sit in a dark corner for the rest of the day, and hardly ever go outside on weekends. I figured out the best way to explain this to my friends is to tell them I have social batteries and they need to be recharged more frequently. I think extroverts _recharge_ their social batteries by being social, where introverts _drain_ their social batteries by being social. I take after my mom, we’re both introverts. But my dad and my brother are both extroverts who have done sales and been involved in politics. ---
**Author:** ![Ellis\_Aponte\_Jr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@Ellis\_Aponte\_Jr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellis_Aponte_Jr)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/69 "2012-02-20T05:31:37Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > Striking up a conversation with a stranger is something I almost never do. I mean, I might comment on the weather or how slow the elevator is, but I’m not going to sit down with someone I don’t know and really talk to them. That goes extra for when I’m travelling. That sort of behavior is so far out of my comfort zone that I can’t comprehend it. Think of it this way. When you come back home from your trip, what kind of story do you want to tell? Do you want to say, “I went out to this restaurant; I tried the [local specialty]; then I went back to the hotel.” Or would you rather say, “I went to this restaurant where I met this lovely couple from the neighborhood… they recommended this dish and told me the best way to prepare it at home - not to mention how to pronounce it correctly. Then they clued me in on the best bar in the area, and they even gave me their email in case I wanted to meet up with them again on my next visit…”? Granted, seeing the value of such an interaction does not presume one is actually comfortable initiating it, but I think that is basically where the urge to address strangers comes from. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/70 "2012-02-20T06:26:04Z")
> [@BetsQ](#): > > I’m not especially introverted or extroverted. However, there is one thing about extroverts that I just don’t get. In the recent thread about how much of the attraction of travel is new and exciting food, several people said that they thought that trying local foods gave them a reason to start conversations with local people. That is baffling to me. Striking up a conversation with a stranger is something I almost never do. I mean, I might comment on the weather or how slow the elevator is, but I’m not going to sit down with someone I don’t know and really talk to them. That goes extra for when I’m travelling. That sort of behavior is so far out of my comfort zone that I can’t comprehend it. For me, the biggest reason I travel is to experience other cultures. Scenery is neat, but for it’s, well, scenery. Architecture is cool, but only in as much as it reflects the culture that created it. What I really want to do when I travel is to get a taste of other ways of life, other ways of understanding the world, and to know what it’s like to live a life that is so different than my own. For me, it’s all about people. I’m shy, so I don’t tend to walk up to strangers to often. But I look harmless and approachable, so people tend to naturally open up around me. I think it’s easy for people to confide in someone that is obviously foreign and removed from their social circles, and of course they are often curious as well. I do my best to stay approachable (no headphones, dress appropriately, travel solo) and people come (on busses, in cafes, at markets, waiting in line) to me and tell me the most amazing stories. I think it’s on the Dope that someone said people are like a short story written by god. That’s how I feel when I travel- like I’m reading a series of fascinating short autobiographies. And when I remember my travels, what I remember most vividly is the people I met along the way. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/71 "2012-02-20T10:08:24Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > I have done a lot of soul-searching over the past couple of years and realised that such was this extraversion that I actually was scared to be alone. Almost pathologically so. I hated my own company, and in the past I have sought out and put up with people who act like dicks just for the sake of having someone around. I eventually realised that solitude was one of my worst fears. I’ve heard that from others in varying degrees. I’ve seen it too – friends who literally couldn’t function unless there was somebody else’s presence nearby. Other friends had to be on the phone if they were alone. Like the concept of eating alone I explained upthread, the concept of being home alone with a good book or in front of a computer is completely lost on them. I suppose my having the TV on when I’m by myself if something akin to this. I don’t watch TV very often, but I have it on for noise. It makes me think I’m not the only person in the house, even though I actually am. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/72 "2012-02-20T10:51:52Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > I also don’t get how you can’t pick up on the fact that I’m _not comfortable at all_ in those situations. Berating me about how I have to get out more and trying to drag me to places isn’t helping; you’re just pushing me further towards a panic attack. Good God, yes. Extroverts, for all their stereotype of being the socially adept “people person”, seem to be largely insensitive to the feelings of anyone who isn’t exactly like them. It’s like they can only see entire rooms, not individual people. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/73 "2012-02-20T10:57:10Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Does anyone else think it’s odd that the OP asked both extroverts ad introverts to share things, and this thread is almost exclusively introverts. Maybe the extroverts are all out socializing… > > Do you introverts feel like you find your inner extrovert when you’re online? Being online makes it easier to be social without being extroverted. I can just take sips of interesting people rather than having to glug, glug, glug from every random person who walks by. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/74 "2012-02-20T13:10:30Z")
**jimm** , I’m curious about the 6-month long recluse thing. Do you mean you just lived alone for 6 months? Or did you go all “Into the Wild”? I guess you can say that if it weren’t for work and my once-a-week yoga class, I’d be a recluse. I typically go the entire weekend without speaking. I rarely make phone calls or shoot people social emails. I’m going to the see the Lion King this week, but I will be all alone. I bought the single ticket without giving it a second thought. I’m aware this makes me weird, and I’m not exactly proud of it. I do feel my cheeks grow warm when someone asks me who I went on vacation with. I was scolded the other day by the office secretary when I told her I was going to see the Lion King. “It never occurred to you to INVITE someone! Girl, what’s WRONG with you?” (She treats me like her “special” child…so there was some love there.) The thing is, I could never see myself doing what you did and flipping the script on my life. Maybe it’s because even the deepest introverts are regularly exposed to people, so there’s little mystery for us? I don’t know. But you’ve got mad respect from me. Most people aren’t brave enough to challenge themselves like you did. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/75 "2012-02-20T13:24:15Z")
> [@kiz](#): > > I’ve heard that from others in varying degrees. I’ve seen it too – friends who literally couldn’t function unless there was somebody else’s presence nearby. Other friends had to be on the phone if they were alone. Like the concept of eating alone I explained upthread, the concept of being home alone with a good book or in front of a computer is completely lost on them. > > I suppose my having the TV on when I’m by myself if something akin to this. I don’t watch TV very often, but I have it on for noise. It makes me think I’m not the only person in the house, even though I actually am. Several years ago, when I was living in northern NJ, my ultra-extroverted sister called me up. I was about half a year into my graduate program, and she was asking me about all the friends I had and what I did in my social life. She was not at all satisfied with my answers and expressed concern about my solitude, saying it was very abnormal. This kind of ticked me off. I hadn’t even brought up this line of conversation and here I was being berated for simply being honest. Something I’d never really been with her before. So I told her I was concerned about her. I asked if she’d ever gone to the movies alone or dined in a restaurant alone. Crickets! I told her that while I agree being alone all the time is abnormal, NOT being able to be alone is just as equally weird. And incredibly, she agreed with me! So a few months later she came up to visit me, leaving behind her entourage. Her expressed goal was to go into NYC and spend the day all alone. Not even with me. I was impressed that she was actually following my advice. So she set out for the day and I crossed my fingers. The girl only lasted an hour! She was on the A train where she befriended some teenagers and was soon incorporated into their “gang”. A 30-something mother of two, hanging out with some teenagers she didn’t know! We laughed about it. After that day, she’s never given me a problem about my social life (or lack of) and I have tried to be more understanding (and forgiving) of her personality. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/76 "2012-02-20T13:24:32Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Good God, yes. Extroverts, for all their stereotype of being the socially adept “people person”, seem to be largely insensitive to the feelings of anyone who isn’t exactly like them. It’s like they can only see entire rooms, not individual people. The flip side of that is introverts tend to be inwardly focused, so they tend to prefer smaller and more intimate interactions focused specifically on them. Extroversion/introvertion (as defined by Meyers-Briggs) doesn’t really mean “loud insensitive borish party animal / socially retarded friendless agoraphobe”. It’s just a tendency to get energy from other people or from being alone. There are different degrees too. For example, I like to be out among people partying it up Friday and Saturday night. But I also like to spend my Saturday or Sunday afternoon mostly relaxing by myself. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/77 "2012-02-20T13:26:36Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > **jimm** , I’m curious about the 6-month long recluse thing. > > Do you mean you just lived alone for 6 months? Or did you go all “Into the Wild”? I’m in month five, six weeks left. [Here was my original plan](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=618298). In actual fact I’ve been considerably more exposed to civilisation than I planned, and I **curse** myself and the day I worked out how to hack my phone to get internet. That wasn’t part of the plan. But still it’s been a massive learning experience. > [@](#): > > The thing is, I could never see myself doing what you did and flipping the script on my life. Maybe it’s because even the deepest introverts are regularly exposed to people, so there’s little mystery for us? I don’t know. But you’ve got mad respect from me. Most people aren’t brave enough to challenge themselves like you did. Thanks. I’m very glad I did it. In Jungian theory, while there’s a dichotomy of preferences, it is possible to ‘flex’ oneself to the other side, but some people never try, or find it too much effort to try. I thought I’d give this one a go. If only I could flex the bits of myself to do with concentration, dedication and organisation too. Still I’m on course to finish the first draft of a novel. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/78 "2012-02-20T13:46:59Z")
**jimm** , I’m trying to imagine how I would do what you’ve done, only in the reverse. Rent out rooms to boisterous college kids? Go dating…with multiple men, sometimes at the same time? Throw house parties every week? Start chatting up everyone in my office, whether they want to talk or not? Even reasonable “baby steps”–like making a friend and actually sticking with them for longer than a week–seem impossible. This isn’t just a trivial question for me. Because I am similar to that “extreme” introvert, who doesn’t want to share the sidewalk with anyone, who will walk five miles rather than call someone for help. And it is a tough existence (though I think it sounds worse when described on paper). I would like to change…and I am changing in some ways (like going to see the Lion King!) But I still feel like I live behind a wall. Every time I step out from behind it, I only crave it more. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/79 "2012-02-20T14:02:03Z")
**monstro** , for you maybe the baby steps _are_ the massive change. Have a chat with one person. Ask someone if they would like to have lunch - or organise a general lunch out for the office and accept whoever comes. Ask someone for help if you need it. If you enjoy the Lion King, maybe go to another show and ask someone to go with you. The craving is probably the same - when I was first alone I craved company so much it was almost painful. But that wore off within a couple of weeks, and eventually it was OK. I suspect you may find the reverse would work. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2012, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245/80 "2012-02-20T15:22:07Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > I was scolded the other day by the office secretary when I told her I was going to see the Lion King. “It never occurred to you to INVITE someone! Girl, what’s WRONG with you?” (She treats me like her “special” child…so there was some love there.) Well, it’s not like going to a show with someone is any kind of meaningful social interaction in and of itself. I mean, you’re sitting in the dark not looking at or talking to each other. At that point, it honestly doesn’t matter if the person sitting next to you in the dark not looking at or talking to you is a stranger or someone you brought with you. Granted, most folks would get dinner or something before or after, which is a meaningful social interaction, but still. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-and-introverts-share-things-you-dont-get/613245.md?page=5)