# Extroverts are just as hard to read as introverts **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 11, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249 "2015-11-11T02:42:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/1 "2015-11-11T02:42:12Z")
Extroverts I know complain that introverts like myself are hard to read. _Are we aloof, distant jerks, or are we multi-layered onions with hard shells that, when once peel and cracked, are worth getting to know?_ Well, to introverts, extroverts are just as hard to read. _Are you being nice to me because you actually have a keen interest in me and want to be really be my friend, or are you just being nice and social to me because you are nice and social to everyone you meet?_ In a society of binaries, the introvert-extrovert binary doesn’t get enough attention. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/2 "2015-11-11T03:49:14Z")
I don’t find extroverts particularly hard to read. Especially the ones who seem incapable of having a thought without verbalizing it. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/3 "2015-11-11T04:26:54Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > I don’t find extroverts particularly hard to read. Especially the ones who seem incapable of having a thought without verbalizing it. Ahhhh, but high context versus low context. Extroverts are really easy to read _in the moment_ for what they say, but not necessarily for what they really mean and will do 20 minutes later. Classic “look squirrel” challenge ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/4 "2015-11-11T04:29:39Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > I don’t find extroverts particularly hard to read. Especially the ones who seem incapable of having a thought without verbalizing it. No, I agree with the OP. I can’t figure out why extroverts can’t take the hint that I don’t want to talk and therefore they should just shut the fuck up. ---
**Author:** ![Chicken\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Chicken\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chicken_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/5 "2015-11-11T05:30:58Z")
I’m an introvert in that I need huge amounts of time alone each day to recharge and feel okay. Being with people has a draining effect on me, no matter how fun they are or how much I love them. Yet I enjoy people, am friendly, open, socially skillful, and can talk to anyone. I might be what you’d think of as a fake extrovert. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/6 "2015-11-11T05:38:34Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > No, I agree with the OP. I can’t figure out why extroverts can’t take the hint that I don’t want to talk and therefore they should just shut the fuck up. Oh. I’ve always been under the impression that they do understand, but just don’t care. ---
**Author:** ![Cardboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Cardboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardboard)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/7 "2015-11-11T06:41:15Z")
The problem with extroverts is that they think everyone is happy with meaningless ‘how is the weather’ type dialogue. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/8 "2015-11-11T06:41:33Z")
> [@jz78817](#): > > No, I agree with the OP. I can’t figure out why extroverts can’t take the hint that I don’t want to talk and therefore they should just shut the fuck up. Because they perceive you as needing to be _fixed_, so you can also be an extrovert. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/9 "2015-11-11T06:55:41Z")
It’s not about extroverts being easy or hard to read. It’s about introverts lacking reading skills. There are signals to tell if you he’s being nice because he has a keen interest in you or if he’s just nice and social to everyone. You just can’t read those signals, and you don’t give those signals correctly so you seem hard to read. Don’t feel bad, you’re in the majority on this board. ---
**Author:** ![nicky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f0a364/32.png) [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/10 "2015-11-11T08:12:06Z")
The introvert/extrovert dichotomy is bullshit. Theres a whole bunch of sociability traits and while it can be convenient to have a label for the outliers trying to divide the great majority into one of two madeup camps is nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/11 "2015-11-11T08:25:04Z")
> [@Chicken\_Fingers](#): > > I’m an introvert in that I need huge amounts of time alone each day to recharge and feel okay. Being with people has a draining effect on me, no matter how fun they are or how much I love them. > > Yet I enjoy people, am friendly, open, socially skillful, and can talk to anyone. > > I might be what you’d think of as a fake extrovert. I don’t think of that as fake. Your description accurately describes introversion - someone who finds social interaction draining and needs time alone to recharge. That doesn’t mean introverts are social awkward or hermits, it’s just a lazy stereotype. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/12 "2015-11-11T09:00:09Z")
> [@Chicken\_Fingers](#): > > I’m an introvert in that I need huge amounts of time alone each day to recharge and feel okay. Being with people has a draining effect on me, no matter how fun they are or how much I love them. > > Yet I enjoy people, am friendly, open, socially skillful, and can talk to anyone. > > I might be what you’d think of as a fake extrovert. this is me to a “T” now get outta my space:D ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/13 "2015-11-11T09:25:02Z")
> [@Cardboard](#): > > _Are you being nice to me because you actually have a keen interest in me and want to be really be my friend, or are you just being nice and social to me because you are nice and social to everyone you meet?_ That’s an optimistic outlook. When someone is unusually nice to me I assume they’re banking some social credit they’ll be looking to cash in on later. ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/14 "2015-11-11T09:38:33Z")
> [@Chicken\_Fingers](#): > > I’m an introvert in that I need huge amounts of time alone each day to recharge and feel okay. Being with people has a draining effect on me, no matter how fun they are or how much I love them. > > Yet I enjoy people, am friendly, open, socially skillful, and can talk to anyone. > > I might be what you’d think of as a fake extrovert. I had this conversation with another friend with whom we’d both agree this description fits us. We decided to call ourselves introverted extroverts with ambivertic tendencies. It’s why we get along so well and aren’t those girlfriends who have to yap at each other a dozen times a day. We are social and love to go out and do all kinds of stuff with all kinds of people, but at the end of the day we live alone and are relieved to go back to sanctuary. ---
**Author:** ![tours\_of\_Gregory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85f322/32.png) [@tours\_of\_Gregory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tours_of_Gregory)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/15 "2015-11-11T12:25:17Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It’s not about extroverts being easy or hard to read. It’s about introverts lacking reading skills. There are signals to tell if you he’s being nice because he has a keen interest in you or if he’s just nice and social to everyone. You just can’t read those signals, and you don’t give those signals correctly so you seem hard to read. > > Don’t feel bad, you’re in the majority on this board. In college I had an O’Henry-esque situation with that. I was generally funny, but most of all I was oblivious to women being attracted to me, that combined with being a good talker and not being easy to read made them mistake my obliviousness for confidence. Sadly being genuinely oblivious it didn’t do me any good. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/16 "2015-11-11T12:48:15Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > It’s not about extroverts being easy or hard to read. It’s about introverts lacking reading skills. Nah, ability to read body language and tone has nothing to do with introversion. Those extroverts who run roughshod over anybody else’s discomfort or desire to contribute to the conversation aren’t any good at conversation - they do monologue, not conversation. ---
**Author:** ![MoonMoon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonmoon/32/2959_2.png) [@MoonMoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MoonMoon)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/17 "2015-11-11T13:35:58Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Nah, ability to read body language and tone has nothing to do with introversion. Those extroverts who run roughshod over anybody else’s discomfort or desire to contribute to the conversation aren’t any good at conversation - they do monologue, not conversation. Yeah, I’ve noticed many (not all) extroverts are just conversational narcissists. No, you aren’t “really social!” if you’re only interested in monologuing every damn detail of your life to a listening receptacle. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/18 "2015-11-11T14:52:52Z")
> [@tours\_of\_Gregory](#): > > In college I had an O’Henry-esque situation with that. I was generally funny, but most of all I was oblivious to women being attracted to me, that combined with being a good talker and not being easy to read made them mistake my obliviousness for confidence. Sadly being genuinely oblivious it didn’t do me any good. Wow… that sounds familiar… But in general, extroverts in my experience are people who tend to draw their energy and center themselves from interacting and being around people, while introverts tend to draw their energy and center themselves from solitude. I have a very close friend who’s pretty social, extremely funny, and yet when he’s stressed out or otherwise aggravated, he’ll retreat into being alone and just hanging out by himself. Another friend is the opposite- the more wound up/stressed he gets, the more he is around other people. I think it’s possible for people to be more situational about it; for example, if I’m unhappy for some reason, being alone doesn’t help me at all, however being out and with people does. But if I’m stressed, I’m the other way around- solitude helps and lets me calm down and decompress, while being out with people tends to wind me up even further, even if I’m having a good time. ---
**Author:** ![tours\_of\_Gregory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85f322/32.png) [@tours\_of\_Gregory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tours_of_Gregory)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/19 "2015-11-11T14:55:40Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Wow… that sounds familiar… You too. We need to pool our resources and build a time machine to give past us some advice. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/20 "2015-11-11T15:11:49Z")
I don’t think it’s an introvert/extrovert thing, but more an issue of social skills. I also struggle with people who say things they don’t mean, missing the fact that they’re just saying things to be polite. I have in mind the times I’ve invited people to lunch and they say they’d love to, and then stand me up. Or say they’d love to, and when I try to nail down a date/time over email, they never reply. I can only assume they are afraid to hurt my feelings by saying they don’t want to do whatever it is, but don’t realize that the no-show/no-response is actually more hurtful or at least much more annoying. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249.md?page=2)