# Extroverts are just as hard to read as introverts **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 11, 2015, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249 "2015-11-11T02:42:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![tours\_of\_Gregory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85f322/32.png) [@tours\_of\_Gregory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tours_of_Gregory)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/21 "2015-11-11T15:21:52Z")
> [@bump](#): > > Wow… that sounds familiar… > > But in general, extroverts in my experience are people who tend to draw their energy and center themselves from interacting and being around people, while introverts tend to draw their energy and center themselves from solitude. I have a very close friend who’s pretty social, extremely funny, and yet when he’s stressed out or otherwise aggravated, he’ll retreat into being alone and just hanging out by himself. Another friend is the opposite- the more wound up/stressed he gets, the more he is around other people. > > I think it’s possible for people to be more situational about it; for example, if I’m unhappy for some reason, being alone doesn’t help me at all, however being out and with people does. But if I’m stressed, I’m the other way around- solitude helps and lets me calm down and decompress, while being out with people tends to wind me up even further, even if I’m having a good time. I could be alone forever and be okay. I’d say human contact for me is a diversion but it’s never something I’ve craved. I’ve gone extended periods without it, and I found it oddly fun. If I’m unhappy, stressed, dealing with anything I prefer to be alone. Also I need to get in social mode, if a friend of mine spots me while running errands I probably seem out of it because I don’t have any adjustment period. ---
**Author:** ![tours\_of\_Gregory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/85f322/32.png) [@tours\_of\_Gregory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tours_of_Gregory)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/22 "2015-11-11T15:26:13Z")
> [@JcWoman](#): > > I don’t think it’s an introvert/extrovert thing, but more an issue of social skills. I also struggle with people who say things they don’t mean, missing the fact that they’re just saying things to be polite. I have in mind the times I’ve invited people to lunch and they say they’d love to, and then stand me up. Or say they’d love to, and when I try to nail down a date/time over email, they never reply. I can only assume they are afraid to hurt my feelings by saying they don’t want to do whatever it is, but don’t realize that the no-show/no-response is actually more hurtful or at least much more annoying. It’s preferences for some people too. When I’m alone I’m who I actually am. I’m happy, I think best, I can’t imagine living with another person. If I ever was to get married I’d have to have a seperate residence and only see them a few times a week for example. I totally agree though. I hate when people aren’t direct. If they just said I don’t know you that well, I’d shrug, say cool and not wonder whether I said something that I didn’t realize hurt their feelings or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/23 "2015-11-11T16:18:23Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Nah, ability to read body language and tone has nothing to do with introversion. Those extroverts who run roughshod over anybody else’s discomfort or desire to contribute to the conversation aren’t any good at conversation - they do monologue, not conversation. I agree. The OP was basically separating those who can receive and send signals from those who can’t, and it’s not really a quality of introversion or extroversion, but there is a great deal of overlap there. ---
**Author:** ![Turpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Turpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turpentine)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/24 "2015-11-11T16:20:42Z")
> [@nicky](#): > > The introvert/extrovert dichotomy is bullshit. > > Theres a whole bunch of sociability traits and while it can be convenient to have a label for the outliers trying to divide the great majority into one of two madeup camps is nonsense. Yeah, seriously. How outgoing or talkative I am can depend on a bunch of things- what kind of mood I’m in that day, how much I like the people I’m with, how much or how little other people are me are talking, how much I’ve had to drink, etc. People just like labeling themselves as introverts or extroverts because we like neat labels. Most people are ambiverts, with only a few people on one extreme or the other. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/25 "2015-11-11T16:41:14Z")
I’m an extrovert only because I decided to become one. By nature, I’m a bit shy and introspective. As a result, I probably am tough to pin down. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/26 "2015-11-11T16:47:20Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > I don’t find extroverts particularly hard to read. Especially the ones who seem incapable of having a thought without verbalizing it. Signal to noise ratio. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/27 "2015-11-11T17:14:08Z")
> [@nicky](#): > > The introvert/extrovert dichotomy is bullshit. As a strict dichotomy, as in “there are two kinds of people, and they are forever locked in mortal combat”, it is kind of bullshit. As a _scale_, however, it’s real, and extremely useful for understanding oneself and others. But, yeah, a lot of people fall somewhere near the middle of the scale. Which, as I’ve said before, is kind of a boring fact, but there you go. It’s also just one aspect of the over-engineered mess that is a human personality. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/28 "2015-11-11T19:59:19Z")
> [@MoonMoon](#): > > Yeah, I’ve noticed many (not all) extroverts are just conversational narcissists. No, you aren’t “really social!” if you’re only interested in monologuing every damn detail of your life to a listening receptacle. (Introvert here). I truly love the extroverts that are unselfish conversationalists and directly engage with questions, follow-ups, interest, etc. They are very rare though. Think of it as the difference between a great talk show host interviewer like Johnny Carson that can make their guest shine, versus a terrible one like Oprah Winfrey that use their guest as a selfish platform prop. I otherwise detest being treated as a listening receptacle (great term!) since I know that any interaction I give back is just wasted energy selfishly used by the yapper to catalyze further yapping. ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/29 "2015-11-11T20:37:13Z")
> [@GargoyleWB](#): > > (Introvert here). I truly love the extroverts that are unselfish conversationalists and directly engage with questions, follow-ups, interest, etc. They are very rare though. Think of it as the difference between a great talk show host interviewer like Johnny Carson that can make their guest shine, versus a terrible one like Oprah Winfrey that use their guest as a selfish platform prop. Funny you mention Johnny Carson. He was a self-professed and notorious introvert. “But when the show was over, Johnny was a very different man: awkward, reticent, painfully shy. “He was a classic introvert — the kind of person who’s recharged by being alone and depleted by being among people,” observes Andrew Nicholls, Johnny’s head writer from 1988 to 1992.” > **[Johnny Carson's Loved Ones Reveal the Shy Loner Only They Knew](https://www.closerweekly.com/posts/the-late-johnny-carson-s-loved-ones-reveal-the-shy-loner-only-they-knew-56426/)** > > For nearly 30 years, Johnny Carson triumphantly strode out onto the ‘Tonight Show’ stage after sidekick Ed McMahon’s booming introduction: “Heeere’s Johnny!” But when the cameras turned off, it was more like, “Where’s... ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/30 "2015-11-11T22:00:40Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Nah, ability to read body language and tone has nothing to do with introversion. Those extroverts who run roughshod over anybody else’s discomfort or desire to contribute to the conversation aren’t any good at conversation - they do monologue, not conversation. That’s not extraversion, that’s rudeness. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/31 "2015-11-11T22:26:21Z")
Extroverts are as hard to read as a puppy (I forget who I stole that from). It’s not just their yapping. Their emotions are written all over them. Their behavior seems to be largely driven by emotion, so that’s fairly easy to predict as well. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2015, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/32 "2015-11-11T22:51:00Z")
I think my issue with threads like this is that there’s no consensus on what definition of extravert and introvert we are using. You all seem to be using more social definitions and I’m thinking MBTI. I’m an E on the MBTI, and I do get energized by being among people, but I hate to talk about myself. I love to hear stories about other people, though. Both my mom and my former boss have very clear I preferences on the MBTI. And 1:1, they will each talk about themselves until I want to jam forks in my ears. I know this board loves to trash extraverts, but as others have said, it’s not that cut and dried. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/33 "2015-11-12T02:10:23Z")
Yeah, the introversion/extraversion\* criteria is a _scale_ of where a person recharges and discharges their energy w.r.t. being alone vs being with people. It isn’t related to a person’s social skills or shyness (or lack thereof). It’s completely possible to be a shy, awkward extravert or an outgoing friendly introvert. And it’s not surprising that introverts are “everywhere” on the Internet. For one, the internet provides space for groups of all kinds to form communities, whether they’re introverts, heirloom gardeners or collectors of cameras originally sold in Schenectady between 1949 and 1952. But another reason is that introverts can much more easily get social interaction on their terms: When they (ahem, “we” :)) feel burnt out or tired, they can log off and do other things and return when we want. It’s a lot harder to do that when you’re face to face with people or at an event without seeming weird or rude. - side note: Goddammit, change the spelling to extrOvert so they match! ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/34 "2015-11-12T02:33:24Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > That’s not extraversion, that’s rudeness. One form of it, but my point is, whether people are energized by being in the company of others or by being by their lonesome and whether we are any good at comunicating when we do be in the company of others are two different questions. > [@lorene](#): > > You all seem to be using more social definitions and I’m thinking MBTI. > > I’m an E on the MBTI, and I do get energized by being among people, but I hate to talk about myself. I love to hear stories about other people, though. Both my mom and my former boss have very clear I preferences on the MBTI. And 1:1, they will each talk about themselves until I want to jam forks in my ears. And that is yet a third question. Which btw brings me to a fourth: why is “talking about oneself” such an important criterion for you? Don’t you ever have conversations about anything else? Most of my conversations involve other subjects: from the POV of each of the people there, of course, but we talk about work, sports, family, history, politics, national holidays, word definitions… ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/35 "2015-11-12T03:03:30Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > And that is yet a third question. Which btw brings me to a fourth: why is “talking about oneself” such an important criterion for you? Don’t you ever have conversations about anything else? Most of my conversations involve other subjects: from the POV of each of the people there, of course, but we talk about work, sports, family, history, politics, national holidays, word definitions… It’s not an important criterion for me at all. Others in this thread are commenting that extroverts talk about themselves ad nauseam, tell you their every thought and feeling, need to be constantly front and center, whatever. I was presenting a different reality. Strong extravert who is pretty private and reserved here. My mom’s a strong introvert who never met a silence she couldn’t fill. Don’t I ever have conversations about anything else? What a bizarrely judgmental question. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/36 "2015-11-12T04:31:07Z")
You appear to be having problems separating the complains about “those extroverts who are completely self-centered” with the notion that “all extroverts are self-centered”. There have been some posts that confused both, but more than did not, including some that corrected the misconception. “I do not like red apples” does not equal “all apples are red”. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 8:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/37 "2015-11-12T08:49:15Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You appear to be having problems separating the complains about “those extroverts who are completely self-centered” with the notion that “all extroverts are self-centered”. There have been some posts that confused both, but more than did not, including some that corrected the misconception. > > “I do not like red apples” does not equal “all apples are red”. There are plenty of people who have said the latter and not the former in this thread, however. Not everyone made the distinction. I also was going to point out that this doesn’t fit me, either. I am, or at least, used to be, rather extroverted, but I never said anything I didn’t sincerely mean. I’m nice to people because I like being nice to people. I talk to you about you because I am just interested in people in general. I don’t ever say what I don’t mean. Now, I have a lot less energy, and it does feel like I need to recharge, just like an introvert. ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 11:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/38 "2015-11-12T11:03:52Z")
> [@SeaDragonTattoo](#): > > I had this conversation with another friend with whom we’d both agree this description fits us. We decided to call ourselves introverted extroverts with ambivertic tendencies. half double decaffeinated half-caf, with a twist of lemon? ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2015, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/39 "2015-11-12T11:20:56Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You appear to be having problems separating the complains about “those extroverts who are completely self-centered” with the notion that “all extroverts are self-centered”. There have been some posts that confused both, but more than did not, including some that corrected the misconception. > > “I do not like red apples” does not equal “all apples are red”. Fair point. I guess I let the ones who paint with a broad brush get to me, but damnit, they are _wrong_!! 😃 I’m sorry to have misunderstood you, **Nava**. ---
**Author:** ![nicky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/f0a364/32.png) [@nicky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nicky)\ **Post date:** [November 13, 2015, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/extroverts-are-just-as-hard-to-read-as-introverts/737249/40 "2015-11-13T08:53:10Z")
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