# Eye surgery jokes / music needed! **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 28, 2018, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231 "2018-11-28T22:32:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [November 29, 2018, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/41 "2018-11-29T21:37:02Z")
[Eyesight To The Blind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKCXGFn0Abg). ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/42 "2018-11-30T00:04:57Z")
[Smashing Pumpkins - by starlight](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBECuYdPkFE) Dead eyes, dead eyes Are you just like me? Her eyes, her eyes were as vacant as the seas, yeah Dead eyes, dead eyes Are you just like me? ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/43 "2018-11-30T01:02:09Z")
> [@Darkon](#): > > No need to be nervous, Mama, my wife recently had iSurgery and her phone’s now as good as new. > [@Buck\_Godot](#): > > . . . > Man to friend: my eyesight is getting so bad with that all I see are fuzzy spots. > Friend: That sounds bad. have you seen an opthamologist . > Man: No, like I said just fuzzy spots. Could these jokes get any cornea? Darkon: Another friend of mine is considering iSurgery too; her contacts aren’t working anymore. MamaZ: I know you’ll be nervous, but try not to lash out at the nurses. A few good jokes will help to break the eyes. They’ll teach you about wound care, so be a good pupil and they’ll patch you right up. You know I’ll be dropping in to check on you. Iris you a speedy recovery! ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/44 "2018-11-30T01:04:10Z")
. . . and one I stole from the interwebs: Eye puns aren’t real puns, they’re just optical allusions. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/45 "2018-11-30T01:05:25Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > . . . and one I stole from the interwebs: > > Eye puns aren’t real puns, they’re just optical allusions. Some people think puns are lowbrow. They lack vision. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/46 "2018-11-30T01:26:22Z")
They’re not gonna put ya in the I.C.U., are they? Well, at least not at first. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/47 "2018-11-30T02:04:32Z")
_Eyes of Sarah Jane_ - **The Jayhawks** ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/48 "2018-11-30T02:50:53Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Could these jokes get any cornea? [Ahem](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=21348563#post21348563). ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/49 "2018-11-30T14:06:28Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > [Ahem](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?p=21348563#post21348563). Yours was a foot joke. 😃 :d&r: ---
**Author:** ![TSBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/77aa72/32.png) [@TSBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TSBG)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/50 "2018-11-30T17:42:04Z")
Man gets into an accident at the machinist’s shop and his eye is seriously injured. The doctor tells him the eye can’t be saved, but lots of people live normal lives with only one eye. In fact there’s a great new artificial eye out–space age polymers, very realistic, very comfortable. Co-pay is $1000. The guy doesn’t have the money, he had very little saved and he doesn’t know when he’ll work again. Fine, says the doc, we have the glass eye. Not as realistic, a little uncomfortable, but it gets the job done. Co-pay is $500. Guy swallows hard and asks if there’s anything that’s completely covered by insurance. Doctor says well, we have a carved wood eye. Not very realistic and pretty uncomfortable, but no co-pay. The guy chooses the wood eye. Immediately he regrets the choice, but he doesn’t have the money to do anything about it. He feels like people are mocking him and looking at him funny because of the wood eye. He becomes reclusive and takes a job as a night janitor so he doesn’t have to interact with anyone. But he’s lonely, and would like to finf a girlfriend. He tells himself, you’ve got a great personality, quick wit, surely you can get past this and find someone. So one night he goes out to a bar. He knows this place is dimly lit, so his wood eye won’t be as noticeable. Music’s playing and people are dancing, but he’s still too shy to talk to anyone. Then he spots a woman by herself at the end of the bar. She’s got a harelip. The guy thinks, well, there’s no way she’s going to turn me down, even with my wood eye. So he walks over and says, “Would you like to dance?” The woman is shocked and delighted. “Would I? _WOULD I?_” Horrified, the man shouts “HARELIP! HARELIP!” ---
**Author:** ![Darkon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/43a26b/32.png) [@Darkon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkon)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2018, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/51 "2018-11-30T19:59:35Z")
> [@TruCelt](#): > > Darkon: Another friend of mine is considering iSurgery too; her contacts aren’t working anymore. Very good! Consider me punished. ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2018, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/52 "2018-12-01T00:43:12Z")
It’s nice that you’re going with the jokes and the songs. Eye surgery slide shows can be a bit much. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [December 1, 2018, 8:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/53 "2018-12-01T08:34:46Z")
I trust it all went well, and there was no catastrophic error that would make this appropriate: Wide-eyed and Legless [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/k5FG3Ty3jD4/hqdefault.jpg "Andy Fairweather-Low - Wide Eyed and Legless") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5FG3Ty3jD4) ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2018, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/54 "2018-12-03T20:55:37Z")
> [@Darkon](#): > > No need to be nervous, Mama, my wife recently had iSurgery and her phone’s now as good as new. Crap. I just ordered a new Android!! ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2018, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/55 "2018-12-03T20:58:12Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > It’s nice that you’re going with the jokes and the songs. Eye surgery slide shows can be a bit much. And interpretive dance just confuses them 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2018, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/56 "2018-12-04T05:26:47Z")
Instead of telling everyone you’re getting cataract surgery, tell them you’re getting an opterectomy. When they ask what an opterectomy is, tell them you’re getting the nerve that connects your eyeballs to your asshole cut so you won’t have such a crappy\* outlook. - Choose your own synonym. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/57 "2018-12-06T04:10:26Z")
Well, in about 6 hours I need to stumble out of bed, start taking eye drops, and head over to the surgery center. I’ll be armed with the following playlist (sorry for the formatting, couldn’t be bothered to pretty it up). I got a 25 dollar iTunes card from Costco and bought songs I liked (from the above) until I ran out of money from the card. Got a whole Parsons album - surprisingly, we didn’t have that one (we have most of their others). Also added quite a few we already owned. 1 I Only Have Eyes for You 3:22 Doo Wop Classics, Vol. 1 The Flamingos 2 Private Eyes 3:38 The Very Best of Daryl Hall & John Oat… Daryl Hall & John Oates 3 Hungry Eyes 4:08 Dirty Dancing (Original Motion Picture … Eric Carmen 4 Doctor My Eyes (Remastered) 3:20 The Next Voice You Hear - The Best of … Jackson Browne 5 Blinded By the Light 3:49 Best of Vol 1 Manfred Mann’s Earth Band 6 Behind Blue Eyes 3:43 The Ultimate Collection The Who 7 Windy 2:56 The Association: Greatest Hits The Association 8 True Colors 3:43 TM One The University of Maryland Treble Mak… 9 Autumn Is In Her Eyes 3:33 Prodigal Son Mike Cross 10 In Your Eyes 5:30 So Peter Gabriel 11 These Eyes 3:48 Best Of The Guess Who The Guess Who 12 Carnival Eyes 4:05 Rei Momo David Byrne 13 Demon Eyes 4:09 Demon Eyes - Single of the Week The Answer 14 Open Your Eyes 5:38 Eyes Open Snow Patrol 15 History Has Its Eyes On You 1:37 Hamilton: An American Musical - Origi… Hamilton Original Broadway Cast 16 My Eyes 2:48 Dr. Horrible’s Sing-along Blog (Motion … Neil Patrick Harris & Felicia Day 17 Thru The Eyes Of Ruby 7:38 Mellon Collie And The Infinite Sadness… Smashing Pumpkins 18 Handel: Messiah, HWV 56 - Then Shall … 0:28 Handel: Messiah Kaaren Erickson, Sylvia McNair, Etc.; Ro… 19 Final Eyes 6:26 Big Generator Yes 20 Lily’s Eyes 3:10 The Secret Garden: The Original Broad… The Secret Garden Cast 21 Snake Eyes 3:15 The Turn Of A Friendly Card The Alan Parsons Project 22 Black Widow’s Eyes 3:07 Endless Wire The Who 23 Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You 3:25 With A Twist (Deluxe Amazon MP3 Exc… Straight No Chaser 24 Brown Eyed Girl 3:05 The Essential Van Morrison Van Morrison 25 Pachelbel: Canon (With Ocean Sounds) 50:18 Pachelbel Canon With Ocean Sounds Anastasi 26 Sirius 1:55 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 27 Eye In the Sky 4:36 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 28 Children of the Moon 4:51 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 29 Gemini 2:10 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 30 Silence and I 7:20 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 31 You’re Gonna Get Your Fingers Burned 4:22 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project Music to see by Page 2 of 2 Name Time Album Artist 32 Psychobabble 4:52 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 33 Mammagamma (Instrumental) 3:34 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 34 Step By Step 3:54 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 35 Old and Wise 4:55 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 36 Sirius (Demo) 1:53 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 37 Old & Wise (Eric Woolfson Guide Vocal) 4:31 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 38 Any Other Day (Studio Demo) 1:41 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 39 Silence & I (Early Version) [Eric Woolfs… 7:33 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 40 The Naked Eye 10:48 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 41 Eye Pieces (Classical Naked Eye) 7:51 Eye In the Sky The Alan Parsons Project 42 Eyes Without a Face 4:57 Greatest Hits Billy Idol 43 Look in Her Eyes 4:12 Blood Red Roses (Deluxe Version) Rod Stewart 44 Harvester of Eyes 4:41 Secret Treaties Blue Öyster Cult ---
**Author:** ![psychobunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/54ee81/32.png) [@psychobunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychobunny)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 7:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/58 "2018-12-06T07:02:32Z")
You missed Suddenly I See. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/59 "2018-12-06T11:54:05Z")
> [@psychobunny](#): > > You missed Suddenly I See. She overlooked it. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2018, 12:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231/60 "2018-12-06T12:52:28Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > She overlooked it. [del]I see what you did there.[/del] No. Not going there. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eye-surgery-jokes-music-needed/825231.md?page=4)