# EZ Squirt, my ass!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [October 17, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925 "2001-10-17T06:21:49Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 5\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\
**Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 6:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925/1 "2001-10-17T06:21:49Z")

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Damn you, Heinz! Damn you to hell for putting your delicious and oh-so-pretty funky purple ketchup-like product\* in this horrible torture device that is the EZ Squirt bottle! The damn thing clogs instantly upon ketchup-like product touching it. Rinsing it out doesn’t work. Blowing it out doesn’t work. Even digging at it with a fork is to no avail.

I curse you, Heinz. I curse you with the knowledge that it is harder for a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven than it is to get a drop of ketchup-like product out of your DAMN EZ SQUIRT BOTTLE!

\*under federal regulation ketchup is red, so Heinz has to label its purple and green concoctions as a “condiment made with…ketchup”

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**Author:** ![Fugazi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@Fugazi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fugazi)\
**Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925/2 "2001-10-17T06:25:29Z")

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I have no first hand knowledge of the Heinz purple ketchup, but I had to chime in with:

“EZ Squirt, my ass” has to be the best thread title ever. The possiblities are endless.

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**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\
**Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925/3 "2001-10-17T10:09:17Z")

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It made me think of that joke:

“Voodoo dick, my ass!”

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**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\
**Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925/4 "2001-10-17T11:55:57Z")

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Oh, geeze. For a second, I thought this was a thread about Astroglide. Never mind.

Robin, who really needs sleep.

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**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\
**Post date:** [October 17, 2001, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ez-squirt-my-ass/87925/5 "2001-10-17T11:59:52Z")

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Either that thread title’s really misleading or I’ve been looking at WAY too many free internet porn mpegs.