# F\*\*\*-buddies: share your histories and opinions. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872 "2009-12-03T17:57:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/21 "2009-12-03T21:00:14Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > Harlot! Yes. Yes, I am. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/22 "2009-12-03T21:13:27Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > I think the normal course of action is that you meet a new and attractive person and begin dating them. Dating usually involves sex but has the presupposition of becoming more serious if the two of you get along well enough. The last part is where the track diverges for fuck buddies. You do your dating with them at first, have the normal sexual activity, but along the way realize you’re not interested in going serious with this person, so you _communicate_ your thoughts and desires. Ok, I’ve always seen friends with benefits defined as a friend that you started to hook up with but didn’t get into a relationship. I’ve never thought about turning the person I’m dating into a fuck buddy. Although when I move home after this business trip I was planning on the booty call with the ex I dumped when I moved out of state. I don’t think the booty call counts towards friends with benefits because I think you actually have to hang out nonsexually to check of the buddy box. By the way you’ve probably ruined my next relationship since I’m going to try to turn it into a friends with benefits thing. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/23 "2009-12-03T21:16:13Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > I think you’re doing it wrong and I’m only half joking. > > I think the normal course of action is that you meet a new and attractive person and begin dating them. Dating usually involves sex but has the presupposition of becoming more serious if the two of you get along well enough. The last part is where the track diverges for fuck buddies. You do your dating with them at first, have the normal sexual activity, but along the way realize you’re not interested in going serious with this person, so you _communicate_ your thoughts and desires. Yes, I think the key really is that you agree you make a horrible couple but the sex is so damned good for both of you that it would be a shame to do away with all together. Rather than ‘Hey we’re good friends but I’ve really just been biding my time until you trusted me enough to have sex with me. Let’s try it, and if it’s horrible for you we’ll never speak again.’ Sometimes you’re actual friends with benefits, sometimes you have completely separate lives and you’re just reliable booty calls for one another (at least until one of you gets into a relationship). Ideally neither of you has lingering romantic feelings for the other or illusions about where the casual sex will lead. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/24 "2009-12-03T21:26:11Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Rather than ‘Hey we’re good friends but I’ve really just been biding my time until you trusted me enough to have sex with me. Let’s try it, and if it’s horrible for you we’ll never speak again.’ I went with “Hey, I’m bored and horney want to go hook up?”😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enderw24](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ba9def/32.png) [@Enderw24](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enderw24)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/25 "2009-12-03T21:31:46Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > I think the normal course of action is that you meet a new and attractive person and begin dating them. Dating usually involves sex but has the presupposition of becoming more serious if the two of you get along well enough. The last part is where the track diverges for fuck buddies. You do your dating with them at first, have the normal sexual activity, but along the way realize you’re not interested in going serious with this person, so you _communicate_ your thoughts and desires. See, I just don’t see this happening. It’s like in Seinfeld, contemplating the mythical roommate dating switch. Nice to dream about but impossible to pull off. Fuck buddies usually come from one of three places. 1) A longtime friend who you proposition because you’re both lonely/horny. 2) An ex you proposition who says yes because being with you in any capacity seems better than not being with you at all. 3) Someone you’ve recently met who you say “I’m not looking for anything. Ya cool with that?” But I just don’t see a situation where you start dating someone, have sex with them a few times, and then say “yeaaaaah…about this relationship thing. You’re not the one. But I’d still like to do you anyway. What do you say?” ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/26 "2009-12-03T21:42:21Z")
> [@Enderw24](#): > > See, I just don’t see this happening. It’s like in Seinfeld, contemplating the mythical roommate dating switch. Nice to dream about but impossible to pull off. > > Fuck buddies usually come from one of three places. 1) A longtime friend who you proposition because you’re both lonely/horny. 2) An ex you proposition who says yes because being with you in any capacity seems better than not being with you at all. 3) Someone you’ve recently met who you say “I’m not looking for anything. Ya cool with that?” > > But I just don’t see a situation where you start dating someone, have sex with them a few times, and then say “yeaaaaah…about this relationship thing. You’re not the one. But I’d still like to do you anyway. What do you say?” 1. Is usually the state of affairs for me. Either we’ve been dating but agree that we’re only physically attracted to each other and nothing else, or a one night stand who’s worth another few shots. 2. Would be nice, by my exes have a tendency to marry within half a year of breaking up. I choose not to see any correlation… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/27 "2009-12-03T22:22:52Z")
> [@](#): > > See, I just don’t see this happening You can’t imagine two people dating, then realizing it’s not going to go anywhere except sexual? Interesting. > [@](#): > > 1. Someone you’ve recently met who you say “I’m not looking for anything. Ya cool with that?” If you word it like a jackass then of course it’s not going to happen. This is a good summation: > [@Cat Fight](#): > > Yes, I think the key really is that you agree you make a horrible couple but the sex is so damned good for both of you that it would be a shame to do away with all together. I do think there is room for some experimentation here though. **Oredigger** is already paving the way for us to all try and discover the method with the highest expected value. Shall we all meet again in six months to discuss our results and conclusions? ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/28 "2009-12-04T00:27:50Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > I think the normal course of action is that you meet a new and attractive person and begin dating them. Dating usually involves sex but has the presupposition of becoming more serious if the two of you get along well enough. The last part is where the track diverges for fuck buddies. You do your dating with them at first, have the normal sexual activity, but along the way realize you’re not interested in going serious with this person, so you _communicate_ your thoughts and desires. Wait…when people date they have sex _before_ discussing what they hope to get out of the arrangement? I’ve always been under the assumption that a guy who fucks a girl and then tells her he doesn’t want a relationship, where as that might be what she was hoping for is…well, an asshole. _I’d_ feel like an asshole, anyway. I guess that’s why I’ve never gotten laid, I’ve been too concerned about people’s feelings or their impressions of me. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/29 "2009-12-04T00:33:47Z")
> [@Oredigger77](#): > > Ok, I’ve always seen friends with benefits defined as a friend that you started to hook up with but didn’t get into a relationship. I’ve never thought about turning the person I’m dating into a fuck buddy. Although when I move home after this business trip I was planning on the booty call with the ex I dumped when I moved out of state. I pretty much agree with this. To me, a fuck buddy is someone you sometimes have sex with, but otherwise there’s nothing there. (see the Sex and the City episode, The Fuck Buddy for great exposition on this) A friend with benefits is someone you are friends with, hang out socially, sometimes have sex with but are not in a relationship with. As to the poll, I have had both fuck buddies and FWB’s and would not be averse to such again. One FB I hooked up with off and on for a good five years. It was awesome, we were completely sexually compatible but neither of us had interest in a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/30 "2009-12-04T00:35:44Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I was friends with my FB first, then we became FBs Umm…who propositioned who? I have a number of female friends, but I’m fairly confident that if I asked any of them if they wanted to fuck, I’d be down a friend. Seems like a situation where it’s infinitely more acceptable for the woman to bring it up. If the guy brings it up he’s either a pervert, or an asshole who’s clearly had an ulterior motive for the duration of the friendship. ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/31 "2009-12-04T00:41:52Z")
> [@](#): > > I’ve always been under the assumption that a guy who fucks a girl and then tells her he doesn’t want a relationship, Jeez, let’s see how this post gets misconstrued. You don’t have sex with them then say, “Oh by the way, I only want to have sex with you.” It’s a mutual decision that you both come together (heh) on. You two acknowledge the lack of compatibility for any kind of long-term serious boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but the sex is good (or satisfactory) so you both also acknolwedge you won’t be stopping that. To quote **Cat Fight** _again_ with his/her perfect summation: > [@Cat Fight](#): > > Yes, I think the key really is that you agree you make a horrible couple but the sex is so damned good for both of you that it would be a shame to do away with all together. Who is next in line to misunderstand me? 😛 EDIT: > [@](#): > > I have a number of female friends, but I’m fairly confident that if I asked any of them if they wanted to fuck, I’d be down a friend. God damn, no wonder some of you don’t have any fuckbuddies or friends with benefits, you’re going about _totally_ wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/32 "2009-12-04T01:00:12Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#): > > God damn, no wonder some of you don’t have any fuckbuddies or friends with benefits, you’re going about _totally_ wrong. OK, what’s the _right_ way to go about it? If you’re friends with someone and want to become FWBs, you have two options: 1. Ask them. 2. Make a move. Either of which will likely get you slapped, or dropped as a friend. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/33 "2009-12-04T01:34:33Z")
> [@kombatminipig](#): > > You forgot a category: _“Yes, I have several”_ 😃 Me too. Or rather, I’m about to have several. I’ve been bored with my current FB, so as of this week, I’m starting to take a couple of former FBs up on their offers to resume arrangements. > [@Enderw24](#): > > Fuck buddies usually come from one of three places. 1) A longtime friend who you proposition because you’re both lonely/horny. 2) An ex you proposition who says yes because being with you in any capacity seems better than not being with you at all. 3) Someone you’ve recently met who you say “I’m not looking for anything. Ya cool with that?” You forgot internet shopping. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/34 "2009-12-04T01:37:46Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > OK, what’s the _right_ way to go about it? > > If you’re friends with someone and want to become FWBs, you have two options: > > 1. Ask them. > > 2. Make a move. > > Either of which will likely get you slapped, or dropped as a friend. Here is how it probably happens most of the time. Yall decide to go out to bar or something. Both of you get drunk. It’s late. Yall head back to the closest crib to sober up and hang out on the couch. One thing leads to another. If there’s no apologies, shouts of “damn, what the FUCK happened?!”, or desperate requests to forget what happened the next morning, then this is evidence that a FWB thing is feasible with this person. To keep it going requires communication. Some mutual aknowledgement that 1) sex was had, 2) it wasn’t a mistake, and 3) encore performances are welcome. And also, and this important, you’re not looking for a relationship. FYI, this approach is a bad idea if you sense she wants more from you that you can give, or you want more from her than she can give. In other words, don’t try this unless you’re 100% yall view each the same way. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/35 "2009-12-04T02:57:02Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > Umm…who propositioned who? I have a number of female friends, but I’m fairly confident that if I asked any of them if they wanted to fuck, I’d be down a friend. > > Seems like a situation where it’s infinitely more acceptable for the woman to bring it up. If the guy brings it up he’s either a pervert, or an asshole who’s clearly had an ulterior motive for the duration of the friendship. I asked him. There was no drunken night of abandonment. We were friends for some time, I kind of felt the situation out, and then asked if he wanted to shag. I already knew everything I needed to know: we got along, he found me physically attractive and he didn’t want a serious relationship. Good enough for me. I can’t tell you how to “feel things out.” Okay, I probably can, but it’s a lengthy conversation that I’m not about to have in this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Soapbox\_Monkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Soapbox\_Monkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soapbox_Monkey)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/36 "2009-12-04T03:35:35Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I asked him. > > There was no drunken night of abandonment. We were friends for some time, I kind of felt the situation out, and then asked if he wanted to shag. I already knew everything I needed to know: we got along, he found me physically attractive and he didn’t want a serious relationship. Good enough for me. I can’t tell you how to “feel things out.” Okay, I probably can, but it’s a lengthy conversation that I’m not about to have in this thread. Well you’ve basically given me the answer I needed to hear: it’s not gonna happen unless a girl brings it up. ---
**Author:** ![Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bb73d2/32.png) [@Sleeps\_With\_Butterflies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sleeps_With_Butterflies)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/37 "2009-12-04T06:03:12Z")
For me it sounds like a great thing, but didn’t work out. I communicated up front that I did not want a relationship and didn’t want to be treated like I was in one. He agreed and said he wanted the same and then tried to act like my boyfriend. ::sigh:: ---
**Author:** ![runcible\_spoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc29f/32.png) [@runcible\_spoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/runcible_spoon)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/38 "2009-12-04T07:16:01Z")
I had an ex who I remained friends with and occasionally booty-called for about half a year, until she found a proper boyfriend. Don’t really hang out with her anymore, but that’s more a social-circles and physical-distance kinda thing. ---
**Author:** ![Renee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/renee/32/287_2.png) [@Renee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Renee)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/39 "2009-12-04T07:33:32Z")
I voted _Yes: I once had a fuck-buddy and would do it again._, with the caveat that I would do it again if I weren’t married. But I’m married, so there you go. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/40 "2009-12-04T08:33:51Z")
I’ve had one, and it was great. She actually had an online personal ad up looking for a FB. Seems I was the only one that answered her ad with more than one line and I didn’t include a penis shot. She is a dirty little vixen. mmmmm… Even though we’d established that it would be sex and fun and little else, she enjoyed the way my eyes would bug out in horror when she’d suggest we get married or run off to Mexico. I’m still 98% sure she was kidding. We no longer boff since she wants to settle down now, but we still talk and get together from time to time. I helped her move from her ex’s apartment and she went with me when I had to put one of my cats down. I know a relationship wouldn’t work because we’re not THAT compatible, dirty habits notwithstanding 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872.md?page=3)