# F\*\*\*-buddies: share your histories and opinions. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 3, 2009, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872 "2009-12-03T17:57:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/41 "2009-12-04T08:41:22Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > I guess that’s why I’ve never gotten laid, I’ve been too concerned about people’s feelings or their impressions of me. Meh, don’t. I used to do that too. Then I realized that most girls are pretty bright and mature about their feelings, and can handle being let down, as long as you haven’t been leading them on. And pretty often they just want to get laid, just like you do. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/42 "2009-12-04T08:43:05Z")
One. A family friend. Went OK, though we had somewhat different opinions on the significance and frequency of the encounters so it wasn’t exactly as fulfilling as you would have thought. The arrangement didn’t hurt the relationship, though her ultimately meeting her husband kind of has. I still have an open invitation for another one. I avoid it, though. Red flags EVERYWHERE with that woman. ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/43 "2009-12-04T08:43:25Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > Well you’ve basically given me the answer I needed to hear: it’s not gonna happen unless a girl brings it up. Indeed, my son. The question you should be asking yourself is, how do you get a girl to bring it up? ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/44 "2009-12-04T08:57:52Z")
> [@Soapbox\_Monkey](#): > > OK, what’s the _right_ way to go about it? > > If you’re friends with someone and want to become FWBs, you have two options: > > 1. Ask them. > > 2. Make a move. > > Either of which will likely get you slapped, or dropped as a friend. You’re going at it all backwards. For various reasons, friendship tends to numb out sexual tension between men and women (no tension, means no excitement, means no fun). Start off with somebody you’re just sleeping with (dates, one-night-stands, etc) and see if friendship grows out of that. What I’m suspecting is that you simply want to get laid, and you think that the fuckbuddy-road is the easiest to follow. It’s not, but it gets some of the best results (i.e. regular layings with somebody your trust and who knows what you like). If you just want to get laid, learn how to be fantastically charming on dates or how to pick up one night stands. It will save you a lot of heart ache, and probably a couple of friends. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/45 "2009-12-04T15:01:43Z")
Another “has several” here, but there was only the option to pick one. I agree with the distinction between FB and FWB, and have certainly done both. I currently have one guy that I really like, very attractive, sex is great, nice guy and I enjoy spending time with him, but I’m not sure I would want to do anything other than fuck and cuddle = FB. One guy I see and have sex with but also go to dinner with and chat to as well = FWB. Personally I don’t mind which category someone is in, as long as it’s clear. I’m aiming to get around 5 going at one time to keep my options open should I have a burning need (so to speak). Currently got 3 so getting there. Of course being a gay guy makes all this a lot easier. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/46 "2009-12-04T15:34:23Z")
Just out of curiosity, do any of y’all see a difference betweeen fuck-buddies and friends-with-benefits? ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/47 "2009-12-04T15:39:07Z")
I do. I think friends with benefits implies you spend time together doing other things beyond sex. Or that you have a deeper relationship beyond sex. ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/48 "2009-12-04T16:28:16Z")
I didn’t differentiate when I answered, but I do see the difference now. The FWB is the one that I no longer sleep with (because I am in a real relationship) but we are still friendly and warm towards one another. I guess it’s because we were genuine friends before the sex. Some of the crash and burns were strictly there for sex and the friendship was forced so it turned out badly. I married my biggest crash and burn and we have a child together. My son is the best thing that came out of that relationship. Now for my PSA of the thread: let this be a lesson: NEVER MARRY YOUR FB! (it’s a long and twisted tale that is not just “hey let’s be FBs, oh wait, let’s get married, oh wait it’s over” but I am not going into it here - suffice it to say I was not as prepared for a FB relationship as I thought I was nor was he and feelings got in the way in a very legally, morally, philisophically, comically, physically soul crushing way than ended in a lawyer’s office with a child abandoned by his father and a very broken man that is somewhere in the country claiming to be a war veteran and telling his brother _he can fly but the government doesn’t want anyone to know_. You know how they say “don’t stick it in the crazy”? Goes both ways) ETA: I really didn’t mean to spill all that out but damn it felt good. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/49 "2009-12-04T16:40:41Z")
> [@ShelliBean](#): > > You know how they say “don’t stick it in the crazy”? Goes both ways Don’t let the crazy stick it in you? ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/50 "2009-12-04T18:01:13Z")
Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/51 "2009-12-04T18:19:14Z")
I have a close female friend that I share an intimate sexual encounter with occasionally, but not very often, really. It in no way harms our friendship, not even when she was sleeping with my husband (with my knowledge and full support). ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/52 "2009-12-04T18:59:01Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > Don’t let the crazy stick it in you? “The Crazy Stick” New one…I like it. _Hey, darling. Wanna see my crazy stick?_ ---
**Author:** ![rhubarbarin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eb9ed0/32.png) [@rhubarbarin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rhubarbarin)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/53 "2009-12-04T19:10:47Z")
I’ve never had one and never will - besides the fact that I intend on remaining in my current relationship until death do us part, it’s just not my thing. Sex is great but I don’t see the point outside of a romantic relationship. I don’t care what anyone else does, but it doesn’t seem to me, from my extensive 2nd hand experience, that ‘fuck-buddy’ or ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationships have much less drama than exclusive romantic relationships. Less drama and pressure is the only benefit I could imagine, so again, not my thing. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/54 "2009-12-04T22:38:20Z")
> [@rhubarbarin](#): > > I don’t care what anyone else does, but it doesn’t seem to me, from my extensive 2nd hand experience, that ‘fuck-buddy’ or ‘friends-with-benefits’ relationships have much less drama than exclusive romantic relationships. Less drama and pressure is the only benefit I could imagine, so again, not my thing. Well, as you say, you don’t actually know because you haven’t been in one, do you? ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/55 "2009-12-05T16:07:20Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > I just started a “fuck buddy” relationship about a month ago. It’s new territory for me. Steering clear of romance was her idea entirely. She insists we’re not dating, we’re just having sex. And going out to dinner. And museums. And seeing each other once a week. And talking on the phone at least every other day, if not more often. Frankly, I think she’s a little unclear on what exactly constitutes a “fuck buddy” relationship. But the sex is fantastic, so I’m not complaining. Hey **Miller**! Sounds like she likes you but doesn’t want you to be her boyfriend for whatever reason. That’s not going to last very long, so enjoy it now! Eventually one of you is going to want more. Should I be offended that you never asked _me_ to be your f-buddy? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/56 "2009-12-05T16:33:58Z")
Oh, and I’ve had a couple FWBs. Never worked out, feelings always got in the way. I guess I tend to develop feelings for people I’m intimate with, despite my better judgment. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/57 "2009-12-05T21:55:36Z")
> [@lezlers](#): > > Hey **Miller**! Sounds like she likes you but doesn’t want you to be her boyfriend for whatever reason. That’s not going to last very long, so enjoy it now! Eventually one of you is going to want more. Should I be offended that you never asked _me_ to be your f-buddy? 😃 Offended? No. Crushingly disappointed would be a good start, though. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2009, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/58 "2009-12-06T00:58:53Z")
The one FWB I had utterly crashed and burned. It was mainly my fault, because I was young enough and naive enough to believe in the romance novel view of life. IE We’d have enough good sex and good times outside the sex together that he would realize he’s in love with me as madly as I was in love with him. Yeah, no. It ended with me pregnant (not by him), him dating another girl (younger than me… did I mention I was 21, he was 30 and his new squeeze was 18?) and lots of other stuff going down before I moved out on 24 hour notice. He contacted me again recently, it was interesting. I must say, he never really led me on. He told me flat out at the start he wasn’t interested in a relationship but again… naive and romance novel view of life here at that time… The FB (and yes, I do totally see a difference between the two terms) ended pretty well. I liked the guy, he liked me. We’d meet up, hang out for a few hours maybe do a run through a drive thru for food to get up the energy then mess around and go our separate ways. Some of the best toe curling sex I ever had had (until my current bf). That one ended when I was feeling kinda blah about being basically a bootie call when he was in town and I realized I could easily slide into being half in love with him when it was amply clear it would never be anything more. So I told him I’m looking for something more now, been going out on dates and stuff and here was a heads up that this wasn’t really going to happen anymore. I still saw him from time to time at work until he changed companies, and he did text me a few months back to sound me out but things basically stood where we left them and that was that. Lasted about 6 months or more. The HUGE this is communication and being clear on where you stand with each other, and having experienced both ends of the spectrum I think it’s helping me feel through this new relationship better. ---
**Author:** ![lucky\_henry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc8723/32.png) [@lucky\_henry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lucky_henry)\ **Post date:** [December 6, 2009, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/59 "2009-12-06T01:42:20Z")
This topic is a prime example of why you should never tell your relatives what your user name is! I have one FWB and two FBs. An FB is nice when you just need need the physical release, but an FWB is way more satisfying overall IMO. ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872/60 "2009-12-07T19:44:47Z")
> [@lucky\_henry](#): > > I have one FWB and two FBs. An FB is nice when you just need need the physical release, but an FWB is way more satisfying overall IMO. Excellent post + username combo. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/f-buddies-share-your-histories-and-opinions/519872.md?page=4)