# facebook \[problems with harassment\] **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 15, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116 "2010-02-15T20:42:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/1 "2010-02-15T20:42:38Z")
My child has a facebook account. Someone who dislikes him that we know in person has started a group meant to defame him. Can facebook do anything about this? Can we legally? ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/2 "2010-02-15T20:46:39Z")
How old is your kid? I guess that you report the facebook page to the administrator. You could possibly get a lawyer and have them send a letter to Facebook. Or you could just let kids be kids. I personally don’t think kids under 14 should have facebook accounts. What you have described is just the electronic version of playground bullying. Did you go to your kids playground while he was growing up and fend off the other kids that might be picking on him? Not much you can do. Let your son deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/3 "2010-02-15T20:51:39Z")
He is 17 years old. The person who created it is legally an adult at age 19 ---
**Author:** ![MitzeKatze](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ad7895/32.png) [@MitzeKatze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MitzeKatze)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/4 "2010-02-15T20:55:58Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > … > I personally don’t think kids under 14 should have facebook accounts. > … I agree with this, but Facebook specifies 13 in their TOS. > **[Meta Terms of Service](https://www.facebook.com/terms.php)** > > The Meta Terms govern your use of Facebook, Messenger, and the other products, features, apps, services, technologies, and software we offer. And creating such a group is bullying, so I would report it to Facebook as such. It is also a violation of the TOS, so I imagine they would at least shut it down. > [@](#): > > Safety > > We do our best to keep Facebook safe, but we cannot guarantee it. We need your help to do that, which includes the following commitments: > … > > 1. You will not bully, intimidate, or harass any user. > 2. You will not post **content that is hateful, threatening** , pornographic, or that contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence. > … > 3. You will not use Facebook to do anything unlawful, misleading, malicious, or discriminatory. > … > 4. You will not facilitate or encourage any violations of this Statement. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/5 "2010-02-15T21:02:04Z")
> [@BigBertha](#): > > He is 17 years old. The person who created it is legally an adult at age 19 Well I guess there’s always a few folks that never grow up. Does your son really give a rat’s ass what some doofus is putting out there in cyberspace about him? Hopefully his friends aren’t that immature. Report the page to Facebook admin and let it go. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2010, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/6 "2010-02-15T21:55:02Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Well I guess there’s always a few folks that never grow up. > > Does your son really give a rat’s ass what some doofus is putting out there in cyberspace about him? Hopefully his friends aren’t that immature. > > Report the page to Facebook admin and let it go. Unfortunately, not only does bullying not stop at preteen, but the bullying is considerably more damaging as one gets older. I’m sure there are many people around here that will tell you they have been bullied at work. The same way right wing talking points enter the public consciousness by mere repetition, a bully constantly emphasizing minor faults or flaws make someone seem genuinely inferior. This gives others the impetus to get in on the action and take action themselves even when they have no idea who the victim is. With a networking site like Facebook, it is easy to coordinate and even create ambiguous situations to inflate the defamation. Pretty soon, the victim can’t trust anyone he meets, and it appears that it is the victims fault for not being able to get along. In high school and college it can suck socially, but when it becomes grad school or the workplace, jobs and salaries are at stake, and unfortunately, many people take the attitude that the victim should quit being a wuss and get on with his life. And of course, already in that thinking, it’s the victim that is at fault. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/7 "2010-02-16T14:25:48Z")
> [@WarmNPrickly](#): > > The same way right wing talking points enter the public consciousness by mere repetition, Nice way to politicize this discussion. :rolleyes: Trust me, it rolls both ways. The best way to deal with bullies is to not give them what they want…a reaction. Bullies are like internet trolls, they seek the reaction. The OP’s son’s best lesson he could learn is to “not feed the trolls”. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/8 "2010-02-16T15:01:33Z")
Sorry, that’s just wrong. Not reacting to a bully has never dissuaded a bully. This is just another way of putting blame on the victim. “If only you didn’t give a reaction they would leave you alone.” It’s not true, and never has been. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/9 "2010-02-16T15:59:40Z")
Sorry, but you’re wrong. I think you are confusing bullies with psychopathic abusers. While in life, there are no absolutes. Most bullies will go away when they don’t get the attention they crave. I guess for some it’s easier going through life as a victim. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/10 "2010-02-16T16:13:21Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Sorry, but you’re wrong. I think you are confusing bullies with psychopathic abusers. While in life, there are no absolutes. Most bullies will go away when they don’t get the attention they crave. > > I guess for some it’s easier going through life as a victim. Unfortunately, he IS getting the attention he craves – from everybody who believes him. Attention (or lack thereof) from a victim is nothing compared to the power he’s wielding over his peers. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/11 "2010-02-16T16:46:25Z")
> [@Nametag](#): > > Unfortunately, he IS getting the attention he craves – from everybody who believes him. Attention (or lack thereof) from a victim is nothing compared to the power he’s wielding over his peers. The OP has not indicated that this new facebook page has hundreds of members that are also friends of her son. So you are _assuming_ this to be fact. And even if it is true, SO WHAT? These other people probably aren’t friends to begin with. I guess to carry out an extreme response, the OP’s son could get a lawyer and sue the bully for libel…but what are his damages? Loss of friendship?..gotta hire an expert witness to quantify that. Just better to report the page to Facebook admin. and let it go. * * * Hey OP!!! What is the characterization of the defamation? We’re all working off of assumptions here. ---
**Author:** ![FalconFinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@FalconFinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FalconFinder)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/12 "2010-02-16T17:29:03Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Sorry, but you’re wrong. I think you are confusing bullies with psychopathic abusers. While in life, there are no absolutes. Most bullies will go away when they don’t get the attention they crave. > > I guess for some it’s easier going through life as a victim. Speaking as someone who’s been teased and bullied since 3rd grade (run the gamut from being called names all the way to physical violence), I can unequivocally state that ignoring a bully does NOT work. It just makes them try all that much harder to get whatever reaction they’re looking for. Report the page to the Facebook Admins and have them shut the page down. Something my 8th grade teacher said really stuck with me, “If you have a problem with someone, it’s _your_ problem. Don’t make it theirs.” Words of wisdom, to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![ZenBeam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/3ab097/32.png) [@ZenBeam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZenBeam)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/13 "2010-02-16T17:39:18Z")
Piling on with the notify Facebook crowd. A faceless email notification that their site has been shut down to TOS violation has to be the least satisfying resolution for the person who created the site. ---
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/14 "2010-02-16T18:11:58Z")
He has reported it numerous times, as have I and a friend of his. They won’t do anything. When you report, it doesn’t let you repeat report it til they check it out. if they dismiss it, then you can report it again. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/15 "2010-02-16T18:14:13Z")
> [@FalconFinder](#): > > Something my 8th grade teacher said really stuck with me, “If you have a problem with someone, it’s _your_ problem. Don’t make it theirs.” Words of wisdom, to be sure. Sage advice. I would interpret your teacher’s advice as, “don’t be the victim”. You should own your own course of action. Don’t rely on your parents to save you. Sure go to them for advice, but don’t expect them to swoop in and make it better. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/16 "2010-02-16T18:15:20Z")
BigBertha - > [@Wilbo523](#): > > Hey OP!!! What is the characterization of the defamation? We’re all working off of assumptions here. ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/17 "2010-02-16T18:19:38Z")
i’m very curious to know the details of this, if you don’t mind sharing. it sounds pretty serious but i just can’t imagine how facebook could be taken too seriously. spreading rumors? from a 19 year old on a 17 year old? i have to know. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/18 "2010-02-16T18:26:56Z")
> [@Wilbo523](#): > > Sage advice. I would interpret your teacher’s advice as, “don’t be the victim”. You should own your own course of action. Don’t rely on your parents to save you. Sure go to them for advice, but don’t expect them to swoop in and make it better. Does everything you have to say about bullying involve blaming the victim. Seriously, “Don’t be a victim?” As if the victim set out one day and decided he was going to be a victim. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/19 "2010-02-16T18:34:20Z")
Once again you are wrong. Please show me where I _ **blame** _ a victim. All I have done is to encourage people that are victims of bullying, to not act like victims. Stand up for themselves and ignore petty immature behavior. You can’t control if someone likes you or not, but you can control how you respond. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2010, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116/20 "2010-02-16T19:14:14Z")
Can you demonstrate any evidence whatsoever that how you respond has anything to do with how a bully acts towards you? You better damned well believe that a bully will quit if they ever see any negative consequences of their actions, but instead the age old advice is to get the victim to somehow change and ignore the bully. Every bit of that is complete and utter bullshit. The correct action is to respond to the bully with the backing of authority. Unfortunately, too often the authority gives the same old nudge and a wink to the bully as you are. That needs to change. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/facebook-problems-with-harassment/529116.md?page=2)